So who did you come out of the closet to first?

Question

Well I'm getting to a point in my life where I'm comfortable with my sexuality and am ready to start coming out. My question is who needs to hear it first. I was thinking of starting with my brother, then the friends I know (hope) won't have a problem with it, and telling the parentals last. That way if telling the parents backfires, seeing as how I live with them, then I have someone to turn to for help if i need a place to stay (hopefully not, but I'm not too confident my parents will take it all too well, especially dad.) Mom is a family therapist and I'm pretty sure she already knows and I'm almost sure she'll be ok with it, but dad treats me like crap all the time so I need to be prepared to move out if **** hits the fan. What do you guys think would make it easier? Also I think I want my closest friends to be there when I tell my mom, think that would be a good idea, having support? I'm not telling dad unless he asks...and I'm sure mom will drop subtle hints to him.

Brother has already told me he'd love me if I was gay (I thnk he was trying to coax it out of me) and even though it was one of the harder things to do I stood in front of the mirror and said out loud "I'm gay" ...it's rather weird finally saying it openly to yourself, cuz thinking it is so much easier

Answer 1

the first person i told was one of my closest girl friends.
i knew she was all for gay rights and all, so i thought she'd be a good candidate.

from there, i told mostly all my friends, with the help of said female friend.
i really didn't come out to my mom, until i had my boyfriend (who is pretty much openly gay) come over to my house.
then the next day, "nick we need to talk."

it's difficult to come out alone. i'd say have like one of your friends there for support when you tell your mom.
thats what i wish i could've done.

Answer 2

The first person you have to tell is yourself, and you have be able to believe yourself and be happy with it as well. Then you should likely start by talking to family members, then friends. Simply put, family is family, and while some people aren't lucky enough to have family members who remember that. If Mom is a therapist, I think you had best start with her, though be careful, she may either try to analyze you straight or blame herself for having a career that made you gay. Of course, she will likely end up in the middle and be OK, but still be a concerned mom. Once you have mom on board, don't be afraid to listen to her advice about who and when to tell and how to tell. Good luck!

Answer 3

The first person I told was my older brother who has an apartment of his own. I did it for the same reason you suggested, so that I would have somewhere to go. After that I told my current girlfriend and some of my other friends. I didn't even really mean to tell my parents, I got mad at them because they were degrading homosexuality. They kicked me out for a week so I stayed with my brother. I would probably tell my parents with a friend though, it would make it a little easier.

Answer 4

Not sure who I actually came out to first - but almost every one of those that knew me very well at all were not surprised (i think I was more shocked by that than anything else.... why didn't they tell ME?) I can tell you that those that really love you will still love you regardless of your sexual preferences. I can honestly say that I lost NO friends in the process - some do not agree with my choices - but they still love me for me regardless. Is that not the true definition of a friend anyway?

Answer 5

The first person I told was my best friend who had just come out to me.

Next I told the sister I'm closest to. Then my brother. A couple of years later, my parents.

It wasn't until I was 30 something that I was out completely. For SEVERAL years I didn't discuss my personal life at all.

Answer 6

I came out over the phone to my best friend who was away at an upstate college. I told her I met somebody special and I was in love. She said,"that's great, I met and fell in love with a woman, too". To which I said, "actually, I fell for a guy". So we both came out to each other in the same phone call within seconds of coversation. After we realized this she said, " Oh well, I guess we kinda stole each other's thunder". LOL

Answer 7

i imagine Ellen Degenerous' tale is the proper. She kept it a secret for see you later, and replaced into so depressed, that once she got here out, it replaced into clone of,"so?" those days that is so hardship-free. tell your pal that if everybody disapproves, they're no longer worth being his pal. His mom and father may be a great deal stunned, (or they could even understand!) yet they love him, and they're going to both settle for it without put off, in the different case they're going to come round. Staying contained in the closet is the incorrect part of do those days. tell him to go back out, and what a load it is going to likely be off his shoulders.

Answer 8

I came out to a gay friend at work first and this past weekend I came out to my best friend and his wife. They have all been very supportive. I am still not sure I will come out to my family anytime soon.
Coming out as g0y is easier than coming out as gay because there really is less stigma associated with it.

Answer 9

I told my mother first. The rest came much later.

Sounds to me like you brother already knows but will not put you on the spot of be mean. That is wonderful. I say start with him or your mother. When you get them with you, then you can discuss how to handle Dad.

Answer 10

I told a sibling (one of my sisters) and she said she kind of knew already, but I had been dropping hints for weeks, and she was very supportive. She loves me for me and ditto with her. Yet coming out as bi is tricky. I would say to tell your brother first. Have "fun" coming out to your friends and family.