I have a mother in law that moved to WA 5 years ago, she has only contacts us when she wants something she hasnt even called to tell him happy birthday once since I have been in the picture 5 years ago. I am currently 3 and half months pregnant and I want nothing to do with her, she lies and is a manipulater and drinks heavily and does drugs, I dont want her near our child. My husband supports me and leaves it up to me bc he cant stand her either. Well she is now 5 months preg and doesnt know if it is her husbands or the boyfriends.
The thing is is I want nothing to do with her or anywhere near my husband or our child. She drinks smokes and does drugs while she is preg!!!! I feel horrible for having caffine once in awhile. Well she moved back here a week ago and is in town now, she hasnt stopped by yet but I know she will. Does anyone have adviced on how I should handle this? What do I tell her if she shows up? All his family and my family are behind my decision..Shes pushy though.
2006-07-24 16:54:12 · 20 answers · asked by kenneth s 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Thanks for your responses. I dont have any pitty for her at all. We only hear from her when she wants something and seriously that is it. I miscarried in Jan of this year and she never even called or anything she never called to congrat me on my preg. This time we never heard from her either. My husband raised his brother and sister and now his poor 13 year old brother will have to take care of the newest addition...I just dont want her around and dont trust her if she cant take care of this baby inside of her...how the hell is she going to take care of our kid if she is in her arms?
2006-07-24 17:14:01 · update #1
~Duh. Just say no. Most of us have a structure between the skull and the asshole called a backbone. Grow one.
2006-07-24 16:57:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It seems like the worst family predicaments come during pregnancies! While every situation is different (and yours is pretty wild!), the best thing I can do is to tell you how I handled a rough situation with my M-I-L and her selfishness. My husband & I have both had many realizations about our upbringings & the people who make up our respective families. Your children will do the same. It is your job to be the better person - your babies will learn how to treat others by watching the way you treat others. You will ultimately be accountable to your unborn child for the way you treated his or her grandmother. Not to say that you should put up with anything that puts your family (and health) at risk - but should she want to stop by, I would allow it, but demand that she respect the rules of your home (no smoking, no drinking, etc.). Like it or not, this is the mother chosen for your husband and she will ALWAYS be in your life...and the more you keep her away from your children, the more fascinated and enamored with her they will be (it's that whole "forbidden fruit" thing). Better to be the bigger person and have the relationship on your terms (and let HER be the one to cut ties if she doesn't like it). Not to mention, you'll sleep better knowing you've done all you can to foster a healthy relationship. Good luck to you, and best wishes for a healthy & happy pregnancy!!! :)
2006-07-24 17:20:04 · answer #2 · answered by Allison in Texas 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sad! How old is she? She sounds physco! I don't blame you for not wanting her around. I feel so bad for the poor babies that have to live in polluted wombs! It makes me sick that people drink and smoke and do drugs while being pregnant. I am the same way you are, I feel so guilty when I have a sip of coke or half a cup of coffee. I think you should stay the hell away from her. She doesn't deserve to see your baby let alone have a baby. Tell her to get clean and sober and then call you. If she loves you and your family and wants to be in the childs life then she will change and if not then its her loss! Good luck and congrats on the pregnancy!
2006-07-24 17:01:29 · answer #3 · answered by lindsslc78 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you both agree that she's not the model grandmother you want for your child - write her off. We don't get to choose our family, unfortunately, but family doesn't mean you have to put up with her crap. Be the bigger person and if she calls, tell her how you feel (but don't bring your husband into it). Let her know how you feel. Be an adult about it, though. Don't support her with money or a place to stay or anything else she might ask for. Work on your marriage and being a mother, and stop worrying about her.
2006-07-24 17:00:18 · answer #4 · answered by thislifeisnotforme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband agrees that you both don't want her in your life, then when she comes to the door don't open it. Tell her that neither of you want anything to do with her because of her drinking and drugs and not to contact either of you until she has been clean and sober for at least one year. DON'T back down and DON'T open the door!
If she calls on the phone, tell her the same thing, say good-bye and hang up. Screen your calls after that till she stops bothering you.
2006-07-24 17:01:31 · answer #5 · answered by David T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im not real fond of my mother in law either but yours seems to take the cake! I feel sorry for your hubby having to grow up with a woman like that. Poor guy! STAND YOUR GROUND sweetheart! Dont back down! This is your hubby- your child- your family you are protecting and they come first! Tell her its ok to visit but the first time she starts drinking or smoking in your home- its time to get out! Let her know u will not put up with any of her pitiful attempts to take anything over! As long as u have your hubby's support in this YOU HAVE IT MADE! Stand strong together! CONGRADULATIONS ON THE UPCOMING BABY!
2006-07-24 17:00:16 · answer #6 · answered by cstinkerbell6969 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I thought my ex-mother in law was bad. That is just wicked, you could be up-front with her and tell her that the way she is acting is not something you want around your child. The truth is if she hears that from you it will just make you life worse. It needs to come from you husband. Until he says anything you are just going to have to ride it out. Best of luck to you
2006-07-24 17:02:53 · answer #7 · answered by Crystal C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For a woman, you have a kenneth as your screen name.. LOL...
Back to the question.. Best scenario is for you to get over your hate against your mother in law, and try to embrace her for who she is.. a mother to your husband.. and a grandmother to your child Once you accept her as that and her flaws, you might be more at peace seeing her... Don't judge her, you may not like her, but I think you need to respect her.. That may be all she needs or want...
2006-07-24 17:02:18 · answer #8 · answered by Bloo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont answer the door or the phone and just ignore her. You do not need that kind of stress in your life. And then have your husband call her and tell her not to ever darken your doorstep again
2006-07-24 17:00:19 · answer #9 · answered by tebone0315 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a hard situation. I think you should just tell her she is not welcome in your home until and unless she:
quits drinking
quits smoking
gets professional help
apologizes to her son for her past behavior
We are all human. If she straightens out, try to forgive her, but she must prove to you beyond any doubt that she has changed.
If she cannot, stick by your guns and don't let her in your house. If she bothers you get a restraining order.
2006-07-24 17:00:09 · answer #10 · answered by D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In Indian philosophy it is believed that what you think and do during your pregnancy affects your child directly. Mental peace is very important during pregnancy.
The way you have described I believe that the peace will be lost if she moves in.
Be firm and straight forward in explaining it to her that she can't stay.
Be sure that the philosophy I explained in the first line is very true but can not be proved.
2006-07-24 17:05:02 · answer #11 · answered by umeshmishra1969 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋