My mom circuitously insults /alienates me like it is her favorite pasttime?

Question

and when I call her on it . . she says . . ."If you say anything Negative . . I will hang up on you " . She has caused me all kinds of problems that I didn't see coming . . And of course . . you say . .cut her out of my life . . because of some legal problems she has caused me that are now on my background . . I'm not so sure about what kind of a job I can get . . though I have a Degree in Psychology . . . I don't know how professional or well-paying a job I can get . . .I've had lately . .since the legal problems . . a couple nanny jobs . . . but even they tried to get away with paying me less etc. when they did the background check . . just because they thought they could get away with it. I'm sure you can imagine how I feel towards her w/o my having to say it . . .how can I go on financially . . and, hey, sometimes I wonder how to get even in a way like she does to me . . .a way that is defendable and circuitous, . . .but still effective ?

- Kimberhil - Thanks for the additional insult. That's just what I was looking for.

-notyou311- I am proud of my communication skills. How dare you say . . "Look at what you just wrote" FU , I love what I wrote . . -Look at what you just didn't write- .

Because of the legal problems that she has caused (really almost set-up), I may not be able to get a good paying job, and so feel I have to try to keep hanging on to the relationship because I might need her financially. BUT . . she set-up this need . . so that she has an opportunity to F with me when I come around or call asking for money. I deserve to get even . .tell me how.

Answer 1

Its not about getting even, its about getting the respect that you deserve. When you achieve a success that is greater than hers in her lifetime, you will have achieved your goal, whether or not she acknowledges it.

EDIT

"My psychiatrist keeps insisting that the oppressive manner in which you treat me is causing my unhappiness and suicidal dreams, but I insist that he does not understand! Every time I change therapists, they tell me this, and I just don't know why. Could they be right?"

Answer 2

First off, forget about getting even with her, that's just wasting energy that you will need to get yourself together. Mums can be the most critical of all creatures around you and if you pay attention too much it is only gonna make it worse. The key is simply not to listen. It is time for you to hang up on her when she says things.

If you feel that professionally you are not getting anywhere, try getting some extra short courses or skills that can improve your earning power and primarily make you more attractive to employers.

Just don't fall into the same game that she plays, it will both diffuser the situation and make her feel "inert" and will save you some energy. Quite likely her mum used to do the same, so she does it to you, it may not be conscious. It's just time you hang up the phone when she calls.


Take care,


Die Doppelganger

Answer 3

Before you ever get to the point where you can legally help other people you need to help yourself. Seriously. This is not a put down although it was tempting to do that. I have met shrinks who have never dealt with their own moher issues and they end up taking it out on their clients.

So you have mother issues. Welcome to the real world. I would tell you my stories but I would run out of room, not into sharing here and am dealing with mine where it should be dealt with.

Think of this quote. I don't know who said it - Living well is the best revenge.

And then stop blaming your mother for all of your problems. Yes she may have F*kd up your life as a child. But.....You are an adult now. Time to start taking ownership of you. Where does the road go from here? Where can your energy best be used? Do yu want to be 60 and still be bitter and blaming because you had a sh*tty mother who treated you like crap? Or do you want to heal from it, prove that you are a better person than she is?

Answer 4

You have a degree in psychology? Take a look at what you just wrote. It is a jumble of thoughts that are not even related. Get some therapy for yourself and then see if you can get a certificate or license to become some kind of counselor. You have a long way to go to get yourself straightened out first.

Answer 5

The best revenge (and probably the only acceptable one) is to become successful! And with your education you can do it...with time and a firm determination! Some people can only build themselves up by tearing others down. Possibly she has some emotional or mental problems that haven't been addressed. Whatever, you're an adult now and with perseverance, you can succeed! Sometimes, hard as it is to do, a person has to distance themselves totally from someone who is always negative and mean-spirited. I put on a calm exterior for forty years toward the woman my dad married (my mother died when I was a baby.)
I adored my father and wished to always respect him. But after he died, I distanced myself completely from his widow. It's been the most peaceful three years of my life!

Answer 6

well if u cant live with her just get out of u'r house get a job, like have a partime job(work in a mall)and then do a job cause psychology has great scope but yeah but it is difficult, be in a friend's house or something dont expect to get high salary at the first time!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

Too many tangents in there. How about you take a deep breath and a few valium. When you calm down read what you have just written and ask yourself - should I be counselling others or being counselled?

Answer 8

the best thing for you is to avoid her like the plague!she does nothing but bring you down ,and,obviously she's jeopardizing your future.so what do you need her for?Unfortunately we can not pick our family but we do have the choice whether or not we tolerate their abuse.also,having a degree in Psychology...what would you tell your patient to do?

Answer 9

Best way to face insult or abuse is NOT TO ACCEPT IT. Just smile back. If anyone gives you something and you don't accept, it bounces back to giver. So let it be. Always smile back at insults and abuses without acknowledging or accepting, any of it.

Answer 10

hard life no doubt, create your own way in this universe with your own inner peace / stay away from the dark side of life to be happy and free you will persevere w/out having to get even - it will be easier and you will be happier