I have a crush on a married man at work- we have never spoken- but I know he wants to talk-advise?

Question

This is the first time I have been really attracted to a man who was already attached- when he looks at me with that intense gaze I get dizzy-this has been going on for a year- I have been trying to avoid him- I have suddenly realized I am at an age where most of the men around me are married, and yet so many of them don't act like it. Given the high divorce rate, and the number of people silently suffocating in their marriage, why do people bother getting married at all? Should marriage be the exception, rather than the rule? If not, why do married men keep looking- why do men want to cheat?

Answer 1

Stay away. Don't be a sl#t because that is the only kind of woman that would go for an already married man. It sounds like you are trying to justify cheating with him.

Answer 2

Wow that is a bold question. I am a married woman...so this is a particularly sensitive subject for me. If I found out my husband was doing that to me I would leave him--no second chances--cheat once and it's over---as for the girl...if she KNEW he was married I would beat her a s s. LOL just being honest.

I hate women and men that have no respect for marriage. That's the problem. Maybe more men would be faithful if there weren't s l u t s out there that don't mind screwing a married man. If a woman KNOWS for damn sure that a man is married she needs to back off and if he continues his behavior...tell his wife. That will serve him right. My advice...don't go down that road. Many times the man just wants some "strange" p*ssy and won't leave his wife for the chick his cheating with anyway. I, too, used to work in an office where a married man would shamelessly flirt with me everyday. It got to the point where when I heard the door to my office open and I heard his voice I would hide! He even had a ton of pics of his wife and kids on his desk! Some guys just can't be trusted like that. Not every man is that way though. Marriage is great for people who know how to be faithful. Watch that show "Cheaters" and see how hurtful it is when a person catches their spouse cheating on them. Don't be the "other woman" That is a level that no woman should stoop to.....If you want a faithful man check out that website Http://www.nocheatersdate.com (I met the perfect man in a yahoo chatroom...so don't doubt that love can be found online lol)
Good Luck.

Answer 3

Find another man or another distraction.

Perhaps some of the excitement you feel about this man stems from the “forbidden fruit” aspect of the situation.

Getting involved with a married individual usually never pays off and the statistic are very slim that he will ever leave his wife and if he does, he may not commit to you.

The odds are stacked against you. 

•Affairs affect one of every 2.7 couples, according to counselor Janis Abrahms Spring, author of After the Affair,as reported by the Washington Post on March 30, 1999. Ten percent of extramarital affairs last one day, 10 percent last more than one day but less than a month, 50 percent last more than a month but less than a year, but 40 percent last two or more years. Few extramarital affairs last more than four years.
•A lesser known fact is that those who divorce rarely marry the person with whom they are having the affair. For example, Dr. Jan Halper’s study of successful men (executives, entrepreneurs, professionals) found that very few men who have affairs divorce their wife and marry their lovers. Only 3 percent of the 4,100 successful men surveyed eventually married their lovers.
•Frank Pittman has found that the divorce rate among those who married their lovers was 75 percent. The reasons for the high divorce rate include: intervention of reality, guilt, expectations, a general distrust of marriage, and a distrust of the affairee.

Source: http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/infidelitystats.html

Answer 4

First of all, stay away from this married man. He has a family, and his wife has a family, and they are loved by many people. Don't do anything to hurt them. If he wants to have an affair, let him find someone far less intelligent than you.

In regard to your other questions, I am not suffocating in my marriage, and neither is my husband. We are friends, lovers, and partners in life. We have a great marriage, but we earned it. We work hard at taking care of ourselves and our relationship, and what we have together is worth more than I can ever say.

I believe that marriage should be the rule, but the rule in our society is marriage is worth working hard to get into but not worth working hard to stay in. People get married because they want to be unconditionally loved and connected to an extended family, and they want to have children and raise them in a stable environment with two parents. I don't have children, and we will not have any, but being part of a family and having someone by my side is still worthwhile and wonderful.

Why do married men keep looking and cheat? That is easy. Popular culture, such as television, magazines and movies, teaches our men from the time they are young children that the only women that are desirable, attractive and worth being with are the ones with perfect bodies, perfect hair, skin, teeth, and a pair of wide open legs 24/7. Our culture also teaches men (and women, by the way), that relationships are all about sex and excitement and fun. I can promise you from personal experience that these things wear off to varying degrees after you get married, and your relationship does change, but it deepens and becomes safer and warmer and more realistic.

Please, how many times can you listen to a man pass gas or vomit or belch and still think that he is a romantic, sexy, alluring stud? Life can be such a romance-killer, which is why you have to work on your relationship.

I hope that you wait and find a man who looks at the world the same way that you do and wants the same things out of life. I know it's difficult and discouraging, but you can find someone like that.

If you ever have an affair with a married man, I guarantee you the wife will find out, and you will be a part of hurting her, her parents, her siblings, her friends, maybe even her children if she has them. Don't do this to yourself or to anyone else.

Answer 5

You are questioning marriage for we tell you go for it. But my answer is leave alone that man if you don't want to be the other woman. People suffer so much in that situation, believe me. If you are in an age where most of men around are married then get someone younger but single. Younger men treat you better.
Leave alone the married man, usually married man only look a scape from their marriage.

PS.-Consider other consequences like getting in problems in your job. I don't know if in your work have policy about it but just imagine having an affair with someone and it did not work so you gotta see him everyday and remember it did not work. Look for someone outside work so you got diversity and no problems.

Answer 6

Why do people bother getting married at all? Probably because we want the "happily ever after", but that's not the real world. Marriage takes work to stay together, and for alot of people it's just easier to start over with someone else. So...Why do married men want to cheat? It's easier than marriage counseling, and probably a h*ll of a lot more fun.

Decide for yourself what you would want out of this "relationship". If you're just in it for a quick fling, or if you just want to get to know him. But remember, once a cheater, always a cheater.

Answer 7

You know he is married, you should stay away. How would you feel if you where the wife and some chick had a crush on him and wanted to be with him? I doubt you would like that. Just because they don't "act married" does not give you the right to just say what the hell..who cares if he is married. I am sure you are a bright person and there are plenty of good SINGLE men out there. Wish you luck!!

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Im not married but reckon this question needs a reasonable person with a reasonable answer so here it is.Who do you think you are even contemplating answering to a married mans advances? you say most men are married at your age well surely this isnt first time so go ang have a cold shower and leave the kids FATHER to Mrs Silly.

Answer 10

Whatever goes around, comes around. If you embark on this fling, be warned, it will all end in heartaches for all, especially for the family of this man. Why be the other women? How would you like it if the shoe was on the other foot and you are the innocent wife with a family and your man has an affair with another woman?