I live with my bf. We have been together for over a year. He tells me that he is waiting to get a new apartment, settle things with his kids,etc before he ask me to marry him so he can't give me a timeframe and if I loved him I'd wait. WTF? Any advice? Guys, I would love to hear your thoughts. Is this his way to buy time or do men like to get things situated first. BTW I am 33 and he is 29.
2006-07-24 15:43:49 · 34 answers · asked by A M 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Be greatful he at least wants to situate things first. As for getting married, don't rush it because there is a difference between marriage and co-habit. Co-habit, you can walk away anytime, but not with marriage.
True, if you want to be with him forever bad enough, you'd give him time, especially the kind of stuff goes on at this day and age. Marriage is not worth rushing anymore.
Shoot, I lived with a guy for two years, and had to end things, same with a guy I was living with for four years. Had I married them, talk about the disasters.
I find that if I really love a guy, I wait for him, but I'd give him 2 or 3 years, and either just learn to enjoy what I have with him, or move on.
Marriage isn't all that cracked up to be, so take your time. If it doesn't happen, either it's better that way, or it's not meant to be.
Or you can ask him to marry him!
2006-07-24 15:55:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Well, it doesn't seem like he's in a rush to get married. You're already living together. For men, once you do that there's not a huge rush. Oh and he has kids so it's even worse. Add in BabyMama Drama and oh boy, you could be waiting a while. I would say it's a bad idea to try to rush him. If he's not able to commit a time to you, give him some time and when you are tired of waiting give him a few more months and then if you still aren't getting any feedback you'll have a choice to make.
Love is a gamble! Sometimes you crap out, sometimes you hit the jackpot. BTW, being married is not something you want to rush a person into. It won't be built on a solid foundation and will crumble and fall, when really tested.
2006-07-24 15:51:29 · answer #2 · answered by Mrs. V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1 years
2006-07-24 15:45:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you not want to wait any more? You're moving pretty fast as it is. A lot of people wait more than a year to move in together let alone get engaged. I'd say, let him sort out his situation now, get the apartment etc and then when he's all sorted and if he isn't thinking about settling down, then there might be a problem, but at this stage you may as well enjoy your non-married freedom!
2006-07-24 15:47:57 · answer #4 · answered by Aussie Chick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, men have been socialised to "put things in order." Can you really start something new with some many fetters from the past? Do you feel your biological clock ticking? Is that the rush? Why are you so eager to get married? Marriage is just a piece of paper saying a man owns you. Think about it. Your father walks you down the aisle and GIVES you to the groom. You give up the name you were born with and take on his name. Most people only put their names on things to indicate ownership. Didn't your mum write your name on your stuff when you were little? Mine did. Argh...sorry. I just think marriage is a joke, over half of them end in divorce now anyway.
Oh yes...back to your question. He may or may not be stalling. That depends on his personality. Is he a neat and ordered type of person? Does he really apply the "get things in order first" philosophy to most of his life?
2006-07-24 15:52:08 · answer #5 · answered by practical thinking 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is younger! You are a girl and older, you are ready to settle down. He is actually being sweet about the situation. Seriously, stuff freaking out about it. It's a good thing he wants to settle thingfs with his kids, he is doing that so they will be ok with you and not give oyu a hard time and it's ok at 29 to be shaping up his life and getting ready. Just give him time like he asked. Give the poor guy a break, it sounds like he really loves you so stop forcing that idea of marriage soon on him. He wants to figure everything out first. Would you ewant to marry a guy who is ready or one who hasn't figured out anything yet? He is doing this for you and for himself. It's all about give and take in a relationship and it sounds like you are taking but not giving him time.
2006-07-24 15:48:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are living together, what's the difference between that and being married. Getting married is just a legal agreement. You are already commited to this guy so why rush him into making it legal? If you do love him you will give him time, a year is not a very long time at all.
2006-07-24 15:46:35 · answer #7 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't think these things can be on a timetable. If his concerns are good reasons for him waiting, then you need to wait him out. I think you will know what is a reasonable amount of time based on how he acts and how he treats you in the interim.
I am not a big fan of moving in with someone for this very reason -- you are out on a limb and you can get hurt.
Hopefully your guy is sincere.
2006-07-24 15:46:52 · answer #8 · answered by DD 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just got married i'm 21, we were together exactly 4 years on our marriage date.
So it depends i'm younger, so we waited. For a guy your seeing at your age, 30 or older. it depends.
I think he might be buying himself more time, and that he's not ready. you have to confront him, and let him know how you feel, you want to get married to him, and it's a mutual agreement. Marriage is about being together, and solving things together, getting apartments together, and everything.
for him to say he needs to do that first....
is defeating the purpose of marriage itself.
2006-07-24 15:47:59 · answer #9 · answered by anjui63 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough one. You've only been together a year, so that's not that long. I'd say give it 2 or 3 total. Then it's time for the ultimatum!
2006-07-24 15:46:08 · answer #10 · answered by jfahd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋