what makes men or women cheat their spouses but not leave them?

Question

in my case i hope he is not cheating on me but if he does why would he stay with me?are love and sex separate for men or it's just more easier to leave things as is for the sake of the child?we have sex 2 times a week average and married only for a year,i'm starting to beleive marriage is a sex killer.....what do you think?

Answer 1

Maybe bc he likes his cake & eating it too. The wife/kids fits the social norms of society and yet he can play around on the side. He might not want to go thru the hassle of a divorce and pay child support - he thinks you can live cheaper together than separate.

Maybe he's just a sexist pig. If he's cheating on you, he *really* doesn't love you. Love involves trust and sharing. You might do everything possible to try to make him happy, but face it, some people just can't get enough and will always be players - they crave variety and don't value monogamy. Actions speak louder than words.

Don't assume it's YOUR fault!

Answer 2

A lot of people automatically think that a year or two into a relationship should be the best part of your marriage! It shouldn't start slacking until later on. I can say from personal experience and looking at others, it's so much the opposite.
Don't give up. Just remember marriage is work. 100 percent from both partners. Both of you have different needs. You both have alot to learn about eachother still. You should both try to learn what makes eachother feel loved and happy. Don't pull away from your partner. Be open. I hope you don't ever have to go through an affair. But in alot of cases they happen in the first two years. It's the want to know what it would be like with someone else, or the feeling like the other one doesn't care anymore.
Counseling truly does help. Just a couple sessions can be a wake up call. Or buy a good relationship book. Together make a promos to lay in bed and read once chapter each night. Communication is a big key, don't shut eachother out. Best wishes...:)

Answer 3

I believe that people cheat because they are unhappy in some aspect of their marriage. It may sound silly but when one is truly happy and in love cheating is not an option. To cheat and stay in the marriage may just be easier than facing the truth, there is family, mortgage, cars, bills etc.... It may be wrong but easier to find some kind of happiness with someone else. Hopefully if this is the case whoever is cheating will finally get the balls to do the right thing. Doing the wrong thing is always easier than the right one. Plus, there is always two sides of the story, marriage does not have to be a sex killer. Did you get married for the right reasons to begin with? One year you should still be in the honeymoon stage, even with a child. Cheating is wrong and it will ultimately be up to you and your spouse to save your marriage.

Answer 4

I think people dont' take marriage seriously anymore. Marriage is about compromising. If he is cheating, theoritically speaking, its an easy way out. You wanna know what cheating guys think? If they are married or dating, they think, "hey I got in house p*$$! and I got a lil strange on the side". They don't understand that they are hurting other people and they don't give a $hit either.

People dont' understand that the chemistry has to be right and there has to be compromising. Marriage is not something you just do, its a dedication.

Answer 5

I don't think marriage kills sex, lack of communication does. I used to stand by the standard that only some men cheat, now after a little bit of life experience I think they all do. They think somewhere that it's their God given right because they have penises. Love and sex unfortunately, are separate for men. Your strength and faith will get you over this realization.

Answer 6

I have a friend that swears he is addicted to sex and honestly, I believe him, but that probably isn't the problem here so let me tell you another side of things........

A couple of years ago, my wife and I were experiencing some martial problems, nothing major: after 15 years of marriage, our sex life was dull, and I felt we didn't talk so much anymore.

My wife and I had a dull sex life, doing it about once or twice a month; she snored, so I slept in another room, and from there man, we grew apart. Started doing things in different rooms, like TV, PC, and meals. All of a sudden it seemed like we were distant-never talking, or doing much of anyhting with each other.

I conveyed this to my secretary one day and she had similar problems with her husband. We had lunch from time to time, talked about it, and the kids, and vacations amoung other things. Our lunched turned into dinners and from there we had an affair. She added a certain "spark" to my life that seemed to be missing all these years, and honestly, as a guy, I thought it was pretty damn cool that I could attract another woman. Neither of us intended to break up the marriages because of the kid factor, until that is, my wife intercepted a message she left on my cellphone.

It was too late. Both of us didn't see the need to work on things; I was a patheitc scumbag. Until our divorce, we lived under the same roof, never speaking, never going out, with or without the kids. I couldn't care less because finally I got my freedom. I was moving on to bigger and better things. In an ironic move the kids chose to live with me (it's becasue their mom hardly did anything with them, ever) and I collected support payments, which I used for strictly in their prepaid college funds.

She is dating someone now.

I can not imagine to tell you how horrible I feel. I've singled-handedly ruined nearly 20 years of her life, tore my family up and moved on like nothing happened.

But something did happen, I fell into deep depression for what I've done to her. I am heavily medicated just to get to sleep at night, for 3-4 hours. Every waking minute, I think of her and the damage I've done. I don't eat, and my kids are the only thing keeping me going; they will move out soon, and I don't know ehat to do then. This is the worse thing I have ever done followed by the worse consequences. I'm in no relationship and don't figure I will ever be. I miss my wife more than life itself.

So back to the issue at hand: if you, for a minute, sense ther's someting wrong, it probably is. But you're smart, you've figured that out and you have eons of time to fix things. So get off the computer, put your mind to work, and trying something different. TALK, TALK, TALK, and don't you ever stop talking to one another. And as old as this is, think about it:::Never go to bed mad at each other.

Hope this finds you well, Goodluck & Godspeed

Answer 7

Sex as they say with men is biological unlike women.

I guess they cheat because it adds spice to their life. Something forbidden probably excite them.
And sometimes life at homes become so routine. Reality of being married sets in - it is not just sex but it entails responsibilities too.

Answer 8

I think men cheat just because they can. because the opportunity is there. because they can have sex without ever really having any feeling for the other person. this is just my opinion o know that not all men are like this!

Answer 9

men cheat because they know what they have is good and they dont want to give it up. but if they cheat they can have it all. men like having it their way. they know that by leaving their wives they have to become responsible adults. which means they also have to account for their actions...

Answer 10

It takes the couple to make the decision of not continuing their fun love life, and there should be an effort to keep it going.