How can I save my marriage?

Question

My husband has left me here in NC with our baby. He went to his brother's house in Virginia. I really want to work it out with him. How do i get him to come home, or should I just let him have his time? I really feel that I can change, and I know need to incorporate his feelings into how I do things. I was abusive , but I am changing I know the error of my ways I just hope its not too late. Does anyone have any encouraging advice for me please?

Answer 1

Give him time. And hope that he misses you. Let him make the call, say your sorry and you want to change and it took his leaving to let you know that you do need too.

As long as you are willing to change is a good sign. The hard part is actually doing it.

You are on the right road....let's just hope it leads him back to you!

Answer 2

If you have a flat tire on your car, you don't say, "I want to get rid of it." No, you fix the tire or have it fixed. Don't say anything about ending your relationship. Fix it.

If you are getting stale on your sex life, take time to be together, talk to each other. Reminisce about your young love. Go on a vacation. Maybe it will be just an overnight stay at a motel, but don't let your work bog you down. Companionship is important for a healthy marriage.

Start to save your marriage NOW. Don't look back and pick up the negative. Forget the sour times; don't remind the spouse of past faults.

Begin today to add sweetness in your married life. Be positive.

Why do you fight? All couples have disagreements. Talk over the difference and you will discover the argument was minor. Learn to be silent when you differ.

Don't let your grievances linger; get it over with. Don't have a fight before other people or your children. Never hit your mate. Be honest and understanding.

Jealousy has lead many a couple to the divorce court.

Show your companion respect and affection. As one person said, "Be sure it is your wife/husband you're in love with, not yourself." So many married couples love themselves more than they love their partner.

Every day say to her or him, "I love you." And put meaning from the heart into those words.

Hope this helps~

Answer 3

You need to give him time to see your change. No one wants to remain in an abusive relationship, unfortunately you may have learned too late, but we really hope that it is not the case.

First, I would foucs on trying to fix the problem, ie. your abusive aspects. Could you enroll in therapy to help deal with your problems? Or maybe speak with a positive role model? I'd give it some time for the both of you. Then, you could let him know about your real efforts at changing. Your "feelings" that you can change may not be enough if this is not the first time. You will be growing from the process and becoming a better person because of it, so hopefully he will come to see that in you. Good Luck! (I'm cheering for you!)

Answer 4

First off, it takes 2 to make a marriage work and 2 for it to fall apart. Let me to tell you from experience that abuse is a 2 way street. Right now you may feel like it is all your fault, and for the most part it may very well be yours. For whatever reasons you may have issues, abuse from your past that is unresolved, anger that is undealt with, hurt that hasn't healed and thus comes out in anger, and you may be insecure. You may also constantly "test" his love all the time, to see if he really loves you, thus this pushes him away. Not an end result you were seeking. Now you have tremendous guilt you are dealing with. So the only thing you want is him back. So now you live in fear of losing him. Why wouldn't you be afraid? A single mother with a child? Who the hell wants that? I'm sure you and he have fought constantly, even before the child arrived on the scene, unfortunately this is not the sort of environment for your child, he/she deserves better. It deserves love, safety, comfort, and most of all peace. So do you and your husband. There seems to be some healing that needs to be done on both sides. Perhaps both you and your mate have "patterns" from the past that are comfortable too comfortable, unstable homes, unbroken maybe? It's time to break that cycle and give your child something better, something more loving more deserving. We owe to our children for a better future. More nurturing more love less hate less violence, we are the adults after all, they didn't ask for this. It is the way to prove we really love them after all. I know you do. It is what I did.

Answer 5

What in the world did you do to your husband to make you think he went to his brother's house in Virginia to get away from you?
It is hard to imagine anything a man's wife could do to run him away from his own offspring and his own home. Maybe he just wanted to see his brother. If his brother is the baby's uncle, why don't you just speak to his brother and tell him you miss your husband and would like him to come back home so you can show him how much you have changed. Then, you could ask him yourself to come home because you really love him and want to make your marriage work. It would help to know more about the true reason why he left home.

Answer 6

Hey If u and your hubby have lived together for even 6 months,he will sooner or later start missing.Give him some time relax. staying in brother;s house is lot different from staying with your own family .like with wife and kids.
Dont come across pushy then he will pull himself back more. Instead give him time he will come around.Hey it worked for me ,My spouse is a person who stayed alone from 10-12 years. so has no attachment towards family. but when i went on a holiday I got a mail telling he missed me.guess what in 10 days.
It will also happen to u dont worry give it some time.

Answer 7

1. Get Anger Management Counseling
2. Take a Parenting Class.
3. Get a Psychotherapist, Psychologist or Counselor
to see you weekly as long as they deem it is needed
4. Your infant is at risk for being abused by you; consider having a relative care for him, allowing his father care for him, or temporarily placing him in a foster home until you get your act together. Always consider the child's best interest.
5. Read up on abuse and it's cycle on the internet and by reading books.
6. Abusive behavior is often a pattern of behavior learned from one's parents or others. Learn to recognize this pattern in your life.

best wishes

Answer 8

.

Absolutely, positively.
Your husband left the "abuser" part of you.
He still loves the girl that he loved (before the abuse).

YOU can change yourself, with a commitment to do all the work that needs to be done.
YOU can change yourself if you can answer YES to ALL of the questions below:
Yes or No.

I am willing to go to a mental health clinic for months, and maybe a year to WORK on learning how to STOP the abuse.

I admit that will always be an abuser, until I STOP being SELFISH and SELF CENTERED, and needing to always BE IN CONTROL of every thing and every disagreement.

I am willing to learn how to appreciate GENTEL people, and stop seeing them as VICTIMS, for me to TAKE ADVANTAGE OF.

I will begin to recognize it is going to take GREAT STRENGTH to learn how to NOT ABUSE.

I recognize that being KINDER and GENTELER is where other people, (and me someday) are the strongest and bravest of all.

I will never ARGUE when I am the most ANGRY. I'll save my difference of opinion for when I am calm.

I will not try to FORCE others to do
WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT IT

I will accept on days I feel depressed, that I need to stop wanting so much, and give up some desires, in order to have true happiness in all other things !!!

The list goes on and on, I recognize, and therefore, I really need counseling, for a long time, to UNLEARN how the SELFISH techniques I've used to get my own way.

I've learned that even though people lose arguments with me, when I'm raging verbal abuses, or giving physical abuse, the person LOSING is me.

My victims eventually leave me. If I want people to care about me, I have to quit selfishness, control and rage.

If I indulge in RAGE ...IT becomes my master, and
could do someone great harm or be fatal.

I can't have LOVE and SELFISHNESS too. I must choose between the two.

***
You have a lot to go through to UNlearn the techniques you've learned that help you abuse....
but you CAN do it, if that is what you really WANT FOR YOU.
If you do t his for HIM alone, then if he ever makes you angry, you WILL give up and ABUSE again.
You can only find success in doing it for YOURSELF, to really change yourself and your way of living with others.

You might get on the wagon, and get busy changing...
and let him know that you are doing this.
He will be cautious, and may wait to see, if you are serious, or are just
MANIPULATING him again.
He's used to your swings back and forth between hatefulness, and honeymoon periods.
He knows you are slick and capable of fooling him.

But, hopefully THIS TIME, in making this change in yourself, in therapy, with the help of professionals, and maybe even a prescription to help you stay calm
...then maybe, he'll see you are really changing
and he'll give you another shot.
But even if you get him home, if you then go back to the abuse, he'll leave you again...and
HE SHOULD.

Your abuse on him, hurts his body, but moreso, it destroys his mind and soul. And, it is sad that unless you change, you will never experience LOVE
in the way kinder gentler, braver people live and love.

Do the work, and get the reward of being able to love and being loved in return.

stw
;P

Answer 9

Give him the space that he wants. But you need help on how to love your husband, for himself. Stop being pushy and let him be the man of the house. Fix dinners for the two of you along, wear sexy clothes just for him. Talk sweet nothings in his ear.

Answer 10

Why do you want to save it? What do it mean to you? I suggest you follow your gut and not try to skeem something up. Listen to your heart and just let it lead you. Don't try to trick him or get him to come back if you truly have not changed the situation or attitude that made him leave in the first place. If you wanna talk about it, shoot me an email.