judged, riducled, by my appearence. why?

Question

I know what it is like to be judged and ridiculed, to see people at the grocery store, resturants, or any public place and see the stares.
I am a BBW--(big beautiful woman)
I am what doctors and society call obese.

How did I get this way? could be many things---I was born very little and not much chance to live----so doctors gave me meds 2 help me gain weight---did that start it all? or was it the abuse and rapes as a child---and even now the fear of people looking at me as a sexual object---could that have been it? Does it matter----NO

My main concern is that people judge my action without even knowing me...I have heard the whispers when im out at a resturant and order salad---Saying yeah right shes just eating a salad in public and when she gets home she will go home and eat a bag of potato chips. Or when I do go out and order a Hamberger and people whispering she should have ordered a salad.

by the way my doctors say I am very healthy---not an issue

another side note---men who like bigger woman are also judged---mayeb ridicled just as much as those of us who are bigger----why can;t that just be a preference? MY bf once was told by a friend that he has a fetish for big woman----its not a fetish its a preference---why does society judge the men who love us as well.

jodraven03

your quote is just and excuse for judgeing other people

" think obesity signals to most people a person who does not have self-control. People aren't ridiculing you because you are overweight. They are ridiculing you because they believe you are not controlling yourself"

There are many people in this world who have no self control

people who cheat on thier husband or wifes
people who abuse others( even verbally)
people who redicule others for how they look---to me this is a lack of self control!
people who say mean things to make themselfs feel better.
People who drink obsesivly
People who do drugs

I myself would rather be lack of self control from eating then any of these other things----you don;t know me how DARE you judge me---people like you I pray for---because you think you are better then others and that is sad

I have no probelm with me---jsut how others react to me---I've learned to love myself----I hope someday you will to and everyone else!

Answer 1

woman...your shell may look one way,your spirit another,wear your insides out,let that spirit shine.others should be ashamed for judging you on your shell and not your spirit,the real beauty.-

Answer 2

I cannot possibly explain away other people's behavior towards you or anyone else in your situation. The truth is, as you obviously know, it happens. It shouldn't, it's not right that it does, but it does, unfortunately. Why? I don't know. I guess we've been raised in such a judgemental society that people just jump to conclusions and stick labels on people before they even get to know them. What is this world coming to?

I, for my own part, try not to judge anyone before I get to know them, ESPECIALLY based upon their appearance. It's a tragedy that others can't do the same. Imagine what a wonderful world this could be if people just put aside their prejudices and opened their eyes, and their hearts, to the strangers they meet on the streets.

I should probably stop rambling like this because I don't even know where I'm going with this, and I'm starting to sound like the lryics to a Beatles song. Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry that people treat you this way and I pray for the sake of the world that someday things change for the better. Be strong; you're so much wiser than them because you know better than to treat people the way you've been treated. Good luck.

Answer 3

Because some people are asses. I don't know that the very act of putting people down makes some people feel better about themselves or what. I think some people feel good when others laugh at their "jokes" or agree with their statements. In a group of friends, if someone makes a joke or comment, the rest of the group probably agrees (whether or not they really agree) - and that in and of itself is what makes some people feel like they are on top of the world. Of course, the people that poke fun at, ridicule and judge overweight people are the same people that are smoking cigarettes, doing drugs, cheating on their spouses, etc. It's just easier to point out someone elses flaws I suppose

Answer 4

Jeez... I know how you feel.. I've been letting people belittle me for years.. They do it to see IF they do it.. it's a control issue. I was very shy when I was a kid (in the 60's.. I'm 53/F) and then wet the bed (smelled like urine in class.. don't think that didn't get their attention!) got a hell of a bad complextion/zits... It was always something. I just got used to it. Finally I ended up w/pretty poor self esteem (no big surprise there, eh?) and got married (I did go to college.. got good grades, nothing else to do..) to some loser who was into smoking pot after college.. I gained like 75 pounds (having kids did the trick..) and fast food (and the kids) were the only things that made me happy in life. I've been married twice. I just finally got some attention from an old boyfriend (didn't work out..) that I wasn't getting at home and ended up being a marathon jogger and losing 75 lbs.. I weigh l20 but I am healthy (and like you said.. it's important.. that's what counts.) I know what you mean tho about whispers and stares.. I really just had a low metabolic rate and didn't eat a ton when I was l95 lbs. BUT I did like the fast foods. Now I'm vegetarian, high fiber, carbs for energy; I eat 2,400 calories a day.. Guess what? I'm not going on a bragging streak a second ago.. The (might be the same assholes) folks in town are STILL TALKING BAD about me!? lmao.. Can you believe this crap?!? Hey, it's neverending, honey! I mean I figured screw 'em and got like 35 tattoos (hell, I luv 'em) and thought they can all go kiss my now skinny ****, and I'm going to give 'em something to talk about! I wave and blow kisses when I run (if it's not a dude..) Weird how 'wives' have me (but when I run by.. the husbands all turn when they think the wife isn't looking to check out my now shapely ***, and tanned legs!) stupid broads, anyway.. People are gonna give ya a con job your whole life, honey.. What I tell MY daughter (she's a bit overweight, and shy like I was) is that people are curious to see IF you are going to believe what kind of **** they dish up about/for ya!! That's what's going on here.. There is always going to be somebody (you perceive) as smarter, better off, cuter than you.. It's all a con job.. that's what life's all about. You let everybody make you think .. well, whatever it is/what thoughts they've put in your brain. You sound pretty bummed out to me. (Hey, for all that, my husband's impotent, and a penny pincher.. he doesn't love me, so for all that b.s. work I did.. it wasnt' for HIM it was for me.. I still don't have a rosy perfect life!) The hell with life.. lmao (I am glad the docs say UR healthy.) Hey, just re-reading this.. did you say you were abused sexually as a child? hell, honey I am sorry!!! jesus...

Answer 5

It's a crying shame for you or anyone else to have to go through something like that. People in our society are very ignorant and insensitive. They would rather laugh and ridicule someone than befriend and help them. That is why as a Christian I wish more people would accept the Lord Jesus Christ as their personal Saviour. Before being saved I was just as ignorant as the people you've mentioned. However, after establishing a personal relationship with Jesus, I came to realize the error of my ways and began looking at things and people with compassion, love adn understanding. I just want you to know that you are not the one with the problem, they are. God loves you and I do to. I will be praying for you and for the rest of those who choose to live their lives in ignorance. Remember God made you beautiful. Please continue being your beautiful self and don't let those cold hearted narrow minded individuals get you down. Peace.

Answer 6

Because relationships, even effectively assembly a stranger, are a protracted sequence of judgments established on partial know-how. When you first see anyone, all you have got to pass judgement on by way of is appears, and potentially repute. If you get to grasp the character, you may also discover out that your first judgments have been mistaken becuase you're going to have extra know-how to head by way of. It's foolish to mention that humans will have to quit judging established on look (it is an intuition that maintains us nontoxic). The change among discrimination and hasty judgment is whether or not or no longer you allow the primary judgments stand in spite of proof to the opposite.

Answer 7

I think obesity signals to most people a person who does not have self-control. People aren't ridiculing you because you are overweight. They are ridiculing you because they believe you are not controlling yourself.

It's fairly clear to me that you enjoy playing the victim. By this I mean you have a issue with assigning *blame* or *responsibility.* Every time you say to yourself, it's the medication, or I am trying to self-flagellate myself so I won't be hurt by way of rape or physical abuse, it's basically giving you a chance to say to yourself, "See? It's NOT my fault. It's NOT in my hands to change this course of life."

Have you noticed that the United States was built on the tenet of the individual being able to MAKE HIS OWN DESTINY? This kind of thinking is rooted in our social mores, so much so that people may unconsciously sum up your being overweight as something in your hands.

I gotta tell ya: I agree with them. But you also make me really unhappy. I don't want you to go around thinking about people judging you. And call me wrong on this if you know for sure I'm wrong .... but right now, I get the distinct impression that you are not happy being overweight. I feel very strongly that you've got as much right to be here as me (read the Desiderata poem), but for every right, you get a corresponding responsibility. Our responsibility is to be gentle with ourselves, to take care of our minds and bodies.

I would really hope that before your death, you come to accept a grain of selfishness in your personality: a little part of you that declares: I am worth the fresh mangoes, designer clothes, luxurious hotel rooms, and exhilarating rides down the Ottawa River.

Bonne chance, mon amie. (Good luck, my friend).

Added Later:

Hmmm... someone's bitter. It's interesting to me that you are annoyed that I am judging you when you are also judging me. Yeah, here I am ... judging you. Giving you my insight from what I managed to glean over my existence. Thought I was helping you. Hah! Someday, when you grow up (in mental years), you will realize that coming on Yahoo! Answers is perhaps not the most brilliant thing to do if you so hate to be judged.

Answer 8

You know why? because people are nuts!!!! but it's not them it's th devil. Anyway that he can keep people separate he will try. And I have seen others making fun of bigger people and I myself may not be completely without sin concerning this matter and I hate that. So whenever I see someone who is different I try to make them feel a comfortable as possible because I know that in some way I am different to someone else. Im very sorry that this has been your experience with people or life in general. But God loves you and that is all that matters. My lil 8 yr old brother is obese and all the kids pick on him and he is so sad.... But I tell him all the time as long as Jesus love you, Your one up on alot of other folks. But folks are sick and I am glad that the Lord is helping me to see the spirit of people and not their shell!!!! PRAISE GOD.... keep me posted on how things are

Answer 9

People who ridicule the appearance of others usually feel insecure in their own appearance. Ridiculing someone else makes them feel secure. One thing that I have found that helps is to just not react when someone says something cruel. They are mainly doing it for a reaction, so don't give them one. Of course, that is easier said than done.

The abuse could have something to do with it, also. When someone can't control an abuser, they usually feel that it is some defect in themselves. It is not. When they can't control the abuse, they tend to look for something that they CAN control. I have a friend who is a cutter because of severe sexual abuse. She explained it to me by saying that cutting is a pain that she CAN control. The same is true with eating.

Hang in there. The problem is not with you.

Answer 10

That suks, people tend to get off an being cruel, it makes them feel good about themselves. That is really to bad that most people cannot see people for people no matter what they look like on the outside! One of my friends is very large and it makes me incredibly angry when people make comments or stare! She must be the nicest most help-full, unselfish person on the face of the planet. And I think how how unfortunate for them that they are missing out on knowing her. And I cannot wait for Karma to bit them in the rear, for saying mean things-it will come. Best of luck to you and for fun you should confront the next dumb *** that makes a comment that they think you cannot hear. Maybe turn and say I hope you have a wonder full day to and give them a huge grin. They will feel really bad! Kill-em with kindness!

Answer 11

Some people are just plain mean. I have scars (because of an inherited bone problem) that are in plain sight and sometimes people will gawk at my scars and even ask me why I have them. One person even asked me if I tried to commit suicide because one of my scars is on my wrist. Unfortunately you will have to deal with those kinds of people everywhere you go. I think the best way to handle it is to confidently hold your head up high and be happy with yourself, and then other people will be happy with you too. If they see any self-consciousness or weakness they will take advantage of that and often make you feel worse about yourself. If you don't give them the satisfaction of knowing that they hurt your feelings, they will stop. They only do it to get a reaction out of you.