My husband died a year ago, I just started dating again. My teenage daughter doesn't like him. What do I do?

Answer 1

I'm 16 and my parents are divorced. My mom moved across the country and I live with my dad and his third wife. I find that it's not that I don't like my dad's new wife so much as the fact that I don't like what she's done to my dad. It was just us for a little while and I treasured that. Now he's turned into a complete idiot obsessed with himself and his screw buddy.
What it comes down to is that - especially with her father passing and not just moving away - I don't think that your daughter will like anyone that you date. It's not the life that she grew up with and she doesn't seem to be embracing the change. Dating may be beneficial to you, but at the same time it may hurt your relationship with your daughter.
I hope that things turn out for you.

Answer 2

Well, first off, did you talk to her about it, or just start doing it? I'm not saying you have to consult your daughter to date again, but it would be very helpful from a grieving/bonding/moving forward perspective for both of you if you were open with her about where you are in your grief cycle and your current needs.

It would also give her an opportunity to express the same things to you. It is more important to her than ever that she is a part of your life, even if she doesn't always act like it (what teenager does?). It's very, very possible that she's nowhere near ready as you are for a new man to enter the family. But if you two spent some time talking about it, she'd get there quicker than if you didn't.

Unless you're ready to get serious (with your first dating prospect? I hope not), I would advise backing off for a time and take that time with your daughter. Explain to her that you did that to give you two time to sort through some things, but that you didn't do it "for her"; that you are ready to start dating again. Once you've both got everything out on the table, then talk to her about a timeframe after which you plan on starting to date again. This gives her time to adjust while letting her know she can't emotionally hijack your life.

Answer 3

Is it him she doesn't like or just you dating anybody, that bothers her? Its not just a change for you, but a big change for her as well. First I would say have a serious heart to heart talk with her. Make sure she can tell you openly and honestly how she feels and why she feels that way. She may not even know at this point, and she may have legitimate issues to not like him. Second, You said this is the first man you've dated, maybe you should think about keeping it casual for a while. Let both of you ease into the dating scene. It will take her a while to get used to seeing you with anybody, let alone somebody seriously. But DO NOT try to push the two of them on each other. They will just push back, and you will lose them both. But the most important thing is to make sure she understands that SHE is the most important thing in the world. She is almost an adult, she can start to understand adult issues. That a woman, even a mom, gets lonely and needs comfort from time to time. That she will eventually leave the home and make a life for herself, and you need to have a life to fall back on when she has moved on. It will get better but it will take time.

Answer 4

Oh that is so normal. Have been there, was a teenager when my mother and father divorced,not exactly the same but similar circumstance. She later found a partner in which she married and we felt that she was replacing my father and it was hell.
He fortunately for my mum hung in there and they are still together after 15yrs. Being a teenager is hard enough and then have to deal with the loss of her father must of been very hard for both of you. It will get better just have to hold in there. It might help for your partner to talk to your teenage daughter just to assure her that he is not trying to replace her father. Let her no that everybody needs companionship, nobody should be lonely. Good luck to you all!

Answer 5

Why exactly dosent she like him? She may have a valid reason that you should be paying attention to.
You have to remeber her dad died so this is really hard on her. Has she been to consuling(sp?) for it? Because some childern can get through the grief fine without it but some do need it. It would be a good idea to try it to make sure, that way she will be more open to you having another relationship.

Answer 6

Yup. It'll be a cold day in a very hot place when she likes a guy you bring home. I'd talk with her, get counseling if need be. It's tough to grieve a lost parent and she may not have gotten through the grief yet. Counseling should help but don't berate her or tell he she "should" like him. It'll take her a while to warm up to JC himself even after she does her grieving.

Answer 7

In a few years your daughter will be gone from home. It is not her place to decide what you do with the rest of your life. She might feel like you are trying to replace her father. Be there for your daugher and spend time with her. Maybe you are spending more time with the man and it is cutting into time you and her used to spend together.

Answer 8

Chances are that you daughter is not going to like anyone that you date. Have a heart to heart with her. Explain that you are not looking for anyone to replace her dad. That you will be dating and she will be polite to anyone you choose to have at your home. Tell her that you will not make any big decisions without first discussing them with her. ( I said discussing, not getting her permission.) You may try not exposing her to your dates unless you think that you are serious, as there is another downfall to sharing your dates with your child. Next she will find one she really likes, but you do not, then you will be at it again!!!

Answer 9

First of all you should not introduce any of your dates to your daughter unless you two are serious. She does not want to know you two are "doing it". Never have him stay the night if she is home. She thinks it is freaking and her and her mom are "dating" at the same time. Cut her some slack and think more about her feelings.

Answer 10

I have found that my son is usually right on the money when he meets a guy that I date. Children have like a sixth sense about ppl. She probably hasn't gotten over the loss of her dad. She may need counseling. Good luck!!!