should i get her something how do i not bring up that when i talk to her what can i do
2006-07-24 13:58:08 · 14 answers · asked by seannah 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
get her to talk to you about the baby it will help. i just barely lost my 2 month old son to sids and it has helped me to talk about him. right now she needs you to help her through this it is the hardest thing she will ever have to deal with. also try to get her out doing things that she enjoys. my husband and i have been spending as much time with family and friends as possible. our 2 best friends talk about him and it helps us remember the good times that he brought and not the one bad thing that happened and if she wants to talk to somebody that is going through the same thing tell her to feel free to e-mail me i will be willing to talk to her.
2006-07-25 01:50:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
I lost a set of twins almost 14 years ago. I still cry and get upset from time to time. There isnt a day that doesnt go by that I dont think of them.
Just be there for your friend. That baby was very real to her. She had all these hopes and dreams for that child. The hardest thing for her will be the birthday and mothers day. Remember them for her. Just send her a card. It onlyt has to be a thinking of you type of thing. Allow her to talk about the baby. Remeber that over the next year she will be thinking of all the things the baby would of been doing and what age the baby would of been. She will need to know that she isnt the only one who remembers.
My mother gets me 2 of something on what would of been their birthday and on christmas. She doesnt say anything but I know and I know that she remembers. It feels good. The hardest part for me, after all these years, is when someone asks me how many kids I have...I have 5 counting the two in heaven plus 2 step children. I dont usually bring up my angels but it makes me feel guilty when I dont...
Just remember and let her know that you do. Share a cry with her....UGH..its the hardest thing anyone will ever have to go through. You dont ever get over it you just learn to live with it.
2006-07-24 21:47:59 · answer #2 · answered by Heather 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I assume you mean you want to *comfort* her, not confront. Here are some suggestions:
Don't be afraid to bring up the subject of the baby. She will be thinking of her/him even if you don't mention anything.
Listen, listen, listen. Then listen some more. She may need to tell you everything over and over again. Don't get impatient with it. You don't need to say much--just enough to let her know you are *really* there for her!!
Use the baby's name, and refer to baby as "him" or "her"--never *it*!!
Do something to help. Bring a full meal for dinner. Put up a load of laundry. Clean the house. Do *not* "offer to help"; she may say no--just do it!
Allow her to cry. Feel free to cry along with her.
Don't expect her to "get over it" in a week, a month, or even a year. Don't expect her to get over it *ever*!! Bring another meal for her in a week, month, or year. She'll be remembering the anniversary of baby's birth and/or death (if they were on 2 different days, remember her on *both* of them). If you can't bring the meal over, drop her an e-mail saying you're thinking of her and giving her a big hug. Trust me--she *will* be remembering on anniversaries.
Don't try to comfort her by saying any of the following: "you can have another" "at least [baby's name] didn't suffer" "at least it happened early; it would have been worse if baby was older".
2006-07-25 03:32:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either call her or send her a note saying that you are so sorry and offering to listen or just be there for her. Then list every phone number possible and give her permission to call at any time. If you are not pushy and you offer yourself to be there for her, she will eventually come to you in her own time. You can also ask if she would like some company and just sit with her. If she wants to talk, she will let you know. Good luck!
2006-07-24 22:20:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you meant to ask how to comfort not confront...
am I right.
I know it is awkward to bring it up but do bring mention it.
Keep your remarks simple and sweet.
"I 'm so sorry for your loss" is always a good beginning.
don't say you can always get pregnant again. that is NOT helpful.
My first baby died 3 days before Elvis and I buried her the day Elvis died....at first I was mad at him for picking that day to croak but I soon forgave him...hey baby's die every day and there was no day that would avoid that ... so now29 years later I just am grateful the Elvis Cult keeps marking the day so I know its time to hum happy birthday to my angel baby. they were much better at making a fuss the first twenty years...I guess they have finally accepted that Elvis has left the planet.
Humor and distraction is a good thing...Its hard to laugh when you are grieving but try it helps.
It will take time for your friend to get her spunk back.
Just say you are sorry for the loss and offer to listen to whatever she needs to say about it.
Some day are better than others.
Just keep reaching out to her even if she doesn't reach back and keep offering to be there for her.
no one can take the pain away but having friends who don't pull back helps.
2006-07-24 21:14:52 · answer #5 · answered by mysticathiest 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the pain of losing a child never goes away.just be there for her.Let her start of talking about the baby first.I have a friend who lost hers and everything makes her cry.looking at babies,certain music holidays and the baby birthday and especially the day he died.your friend may have to go see a shrink and take something for depression.
2006-07-24 22:14:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take your cue from your friend. She may be wanting to "talk " about her baby, her pain, or she may not want to talk about her baby at all. Just make yourself available, let her know you are only a phone call away day or nite. There is nothing comforting you can say, it is all trivial ! Just listen .
2006-07-24 21:54:03 · answer #7 · answered by grandma ellen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's your best friend. Let her know that if she wants to talk about it, you're willing to listen, and if she doesn't want to, then you won't. She'll appreciate the fact that you're not ignoring that this happened. Bring her flowers, and your friendship. She'll need her friends and family right now.
2006-07-24 21:05:02 · answer #8 · answered by mightymite1957 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just listen to her if she wants to talk about it treat her how you normally treated her dont act weird around her and everything will be fine shell proably need someone to cry on there shoulder you gotta step up and be there
2006-07-24 21:02:26 · answer #9 · answered by cutenwild1769 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk about something else or maybe go out to the mall the usual that yall would do. don't bring up the subject unless she wants to talk about it. my sympathy goes out to her and her family.
2006-07-24 21:39:19 · answer #10 · answered by hotgurl 04 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋