How can I get over feeling so alone?

Question

My husband works alot, and I know he is doing it for me and our family so no need to tell me that. Anyway, take today for example, he got home about 5 and it's now almost 7 and he's been in bed for over an hour. I spent all day waiting for him to get home and now he's in bed already. That's just one day. Most days are like this. He never wants to have sex anymore (see my other Q's) and he rarely shows me any affection. We have not been married 2 years yet and I don't know how I will be able to spend my whole life feeling so alone. What can I do? I have tried talking to him and I think he just thinks I'm nagging him. I want our marriage to work, but I don't feel like I have a marriage right now.... it's just me and two kids all day everyday. He decided to hire me to work for him but I have to work 55+ hours per week which leaves my two kids being raised by someone else. How can I get over this feeling of being all alone?

Answer 1

I wish I could lie to you and do it with half a heart, yet I cannot. You cannot get over this type of feeling. You have to deal with it, not get over it. No amount of brain therapy will make a self aware person, like yourself, get over a lack of feeling passion from your husband. Get over, no way; cope with or deal with, YES way.
It's not a wordsmith issue; it's an issue of how you approach this matter. Your problem is similar to many others who are married with kids. This same problem is as old as all of the generations before you so welcome to the cumbersome nature of the aging process. It's just that young people have been so polluted with the "perfection" that the media sells, it seems abnormal or awful to you to endure a standard marriage issue that tens of millions of couples have encountered before you.
There is no getting over it or a solution for that. You will either develop mechanisms to cope with the loss of whatever it is you need and are not getting from your husband, or you will break down and go bonkers.
I do not suggest the bonkers route.
Caring responses like the ones you regularly get, from many different people, are proof you are far from alone. If you really look at it from an objective view, you are helping others cope with similar issues by being here and you, therefore, are all together helping each other and that's not being alone.
The reason you probably feel so alone is that the love of your life, your husband, no longer makes you feel desirable because he's just too pooped coping with life. You have to cope and deal with that in whatever way works for you.
If he won't work with you, you will have to find the coping mechanisms yourself and take care of your needs. It's the only way.
You know I wish you well.

Answer 2

THANK gOD HE IS WORKING AND NOT OUT THERE WITH SOME OTHER WOMAN, SO BE GRATEFUL. what you can do is give him time to unwind after a long days work, put the kids to bed or take them to a friends house. run that hardworking man a beautiful bath with candles, after which give him a nice soothing massage, spoonfeed his favorite meal. plz during this time do not allow him to speak a word.after eating he should be well relaxed, not complain of the time he is not spending with you, ask him how his day was. believe me he will be willing to listen to you since you are now interested in his day. as for the sex part dont push the issue its a turn off. if he is not up to the occassion make love to his body with no sex. plz let me no if this works. good luck!!!

Answer 3

I felt this way for a very long time bringing me to become a very unhappy person needing anytype of attention from my poor hard working just wanting to come home and relax very good hard to find man...i was putting him through hell crying and explain to him i wasn't unhappy with him i was just unhappy... basically with me... bored feeling lonely and unworthy useless etc i finally looked at myself and decided to change the way i viewed my very lucky life people wish to have daily set my proities on my marriage and stopped looking for attention or childish activities that made me feel as if i was doing something fun for a moment, instead i took on a hobbie got a part time job only 3 days a week for 5 hours yet i was communicating with other people outside my house and i feel human again. try to get some sort of responsible non marriage theaten life outside you house....you will feel better.

Answer 4

well my wife and i work very hard and we do have sex and we do have trust day care lady to watch our 2 small children and making sure everything is ok and I am telling you if you work 55 hrs and yeah it will be burn out and I guess he want you to see how it feels and make sure he get alot of rest. But again you are beautiful woman and I don't understand and You would give eveything in bed I am confused I won't want to miss that.

I don't know but something wrong.

Answer 5

You need for him to agree to see a doctor and have his hormones / testosterone levels checked out. If he is not willing to this, then you need to seriously look at your marriage. You should not suffer in silence for the rest of your life. You need someone that will satisfy your needs. I have a very good friend that divorced her first husband because he was never interested and now is very happily married to someone else. You need to help yourself, you can not deny your needs.

Answer 6

colorist i wish you could talk to my wife as i used to be an over the road trucker i would be gone at times 36 hours straight i wouldnt sleep just so i could get home quicker to be with her but when i got home i was so tired i would fall fast asleep and on the weekends i was so wore out from working hard i could barely get out of bed and this went on for a couple years our sex life dwindled and she basically said the same thing as i was there dutifully as i could but i was in snooze land most the time. i have changed my job and havnt made every thing pefect in some areas some more then others though slowly but surely im hearing her complaints and im trying. from your past questions to this one you make it sound as if your husband trully loves you and like you said you know why he is doing it. pick your battles with him at this point one at a time if its him sleeping work with that one first ask for him to sit while your cooking or just 15 minutes in the bedroom talking and try and relieve him from stresses. as you already know a male ego is delicate when it comes to not satifiing his wife so youll have to dance around that one when the time comes. but above everything let him continue to know you are supporting him.this is a long battle back to what you want but go slowly or itl be like you said and like i thought when my wife hit me with everything at once overload and nagging which only adds to the stress......isnt marriage so not what we thought growing up lmao good luck

Answer 7

I understand how you are feeling, you have just explained the life I've been living for the past 8 years

Answer 8

You have a good man there don't ruin it,do some activities to keep your self busy till your husband get back from work.

Answer 9

Have you tried telling him this? How about setup a date for just you two? If he works as much as he says then he's accrued enough day offs.

Answer 10

Well colorist, maybe you should ask your husband if she has another woman, ask him prankly, if you want to get over for your feeling being alone, go to your friends? or maybe for a change, contact me, and i can help you with your problem, try to visit or have a vacation abroad, maybe this could ease your feelings. you can contact me [e-mail]