OK I have posted questions before about the issue...My boyfriend wanted to see what else was out there. We have been together for 4 1/2 years since we were 16, now 21. Recently I decided to NOT give up on my relationship with my ex, and instead told him that he had 2 months to do whatever he wanted to with no questions by me and on the first day of Sept. he had to decide if he wanted to continue to be single or stay with me....So since i told him this he has been treating me 10 times better than he has in the past year as well as making plans for us to do things, taking me out, being very affectionate etc.. I asked him if he is taking my offer and he said YES and to not worry. . So my question is what do u think about this???
2006-07-24 11:26:24 · 12 answers · asked by sweetchic117 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OK let me say a lil more because the responses that I have been getting are a little off....We Have been together for 4 1/2 years I went away for school 2 of the four years...during that time we had an open realtionship and tested the waters then. I have been on dates with other men and I do believe that I am to be with my boyfriend. I don't think that he doesn't love me its just that we are young and people are in his ear saying things to him to make him think he needs to be single. Also I want to say that because we have been together since we were 16 does not mean that we are not in love, the reason for me making that decision to allow him to do what he wants is because I do love him, I would like to say that anything is possible and yes i believe that i can find my soul-mate at any age. I don't regret anything I do in my life....because tomorrow is not promised. Of all forms of cautions in life, caution in love is the most fatal to true happiness.
2006-07-24 11:26:42 · update #1
I don't believe in open relationships. Relationships are based on commitment and if you can't stick to one partner, then there is no commitment. Hence, I don't even know why it's called a relationship. Also, seems like your guy wants to move on. You can't force someone to continue to love you. Let him go.
2006-07-24 11:33:47 · answer #1 · answered by the_memory_of_ashes 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds kinda like he's suddenly aware that he might lose you and he's trying to persuade you not to go.
I think your plan is a good one. I'd see how long after the September deadline he keeps being good to you before I make anything permanent if I were you, but it sounds like you're approaching the situation kindly (indeed, perhaps more generously than most girls are willing to be) but with your own interests in mind as well. I do recommend that if you and he are still seeing even one other person that you get tested, though. I recommend testing anyway if you haven't been tested since the last time one of you was with anyone else. Important thing to know.
Good luck to you. I confess that I think you're both still a little young to consider marriage if that's what "stay with me" means, but hey, you both know you better than anyone else, and I'm just some chick on an internet answer board.
It really sounds to me like you're headed in the right direction, though. I do recommend a prenup if it comes to the whole marriage discussion, but I recommend that for anyone--and I recommend to do it while you still like each other, because it's more inclined to be fair if you're still thinking in each others' best interests.
2006-07-24 11:44:31 · answer #2 · answered by Woz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you gave him a wake-up call. You're willing to give him space to find out what he wants, but you also told him your not going to wait around. I think he realizes that you love him and your not willing to play any games. In life, the easiest thing to do is be upfront and honest. And I think that's what you have done. You let him know that you love him, but you also let him know that he has a choice to make. There is an old saying that I believe in. If you love something set it free. If it comes back, it is yours to keep. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours. I think that's exactly what you have done, and he realizes it. Good luck to the both of you, and I hope you have a wonderful life.
2006-07-24 11:44:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh boy... Its like youre describing part of my life a few years ago, except the situation was reversed. I met my bf when I was 16, we dated for 4years when I started to get the itch to explore what else is out there. He said I could try dating other people, he wouldnt date. Then he upped the ante, he told me I could not only sleep with other guys, but he'd drive me to the guys houses to make sure nothing bad happened to me! I started to think a couple of different things about him, he either thinks very poorly of himself if hes willing to give me all this freedom or hes very cocky thinking no one would be better than him. I didnt take him up on his offer. Now,I met a man that would never let me do things like that & I like it that way. Just be careful, just because you feel that hes the one for you doesnt mean he necessarily agrees.
2006-07-24 17:31:29 · answer #4 · answered by Ashley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"the reason for me making that decision to allow him to do what he wants is because I do love him"
Making the decision to allow him to do what he wants also shows that you don't love yourself. You should not give him the choice. It seems like you don't have any control over your relationship. Take your power back, girl. Just leave him alone. Don't make any ultimatums or give him options. If he should happen to come back to you, that's how you know it was meant to be. In the mean time, move on with your life. Good luck!
2006-07-24 11:32:56 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs.S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was very good of you to let him see if the grass is really greener on the other side. It turned out to be a good thing. You woke him up and it seems like he doesn't want to lose you. Sometimes we have to do something drastic like this to make our partners treat us better and not take us for granted.
2006-07-24 11:51:33 · answer #6 · answered by JanLeo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
of course he has changed in the past few weeks, he is seeing someone else and she is showing him how to treat a woman, thats why he is taking you out and treating you like that. i think you made the biggest mistake of your life, you gave him too much time away from you, you let him do whatever you want in the relationship(even see someone else).things wont ever be the same anymore, you gave him the oppurtunity to step out of the relationship and he isnt going to want to go back to just you, you arent enough for him anymore. he is always going to cheat on you from now on.when you decide he needsto stop roaming around and be with you, he will be like , no i want to be free and stay free, but i still want ot sleep with you, he will want to have his cake and eat it too.good luck.
2006-07-24 11:52:53 · answer #7 · answered by Christina 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you think so little of yourself that you are allowing him to treat you like this?
He's having his cake and eating it, too. That's the only reason he's treating you nicer. You gave in.
Kick him to the curb because you're naive if you think it will change if you get married.
2006-07-24 16:56:00 · answer #8 · answered by reignydey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u have to ask this question that shld tell u all u need 2 know u obviously dont value yourself highly enough 2 allow him 2 behave this way.being in love shdnt b hard work
2006-07-24 11:37:19 · answer #9 · answered by sarah71397 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweet your awsome , you have more poise them most , i personally couldnt do what you did. you open the door to test the water and see if he was seriouse about the two of you, his reaction was not run and play it was to devote more almost as if you scared him and he is trying to woo you to the point he feels you might be the one trying to get out ( or atleast thats what i think) if at the end of this timeline are you two going to devote yourself to never doing this whole "find yourself"? ihope your plann works and becuase for me imscared for you. and if i was him id be affraid this was the end... good luck on your quest of the truth
2006-07-24 11:35:18 · answer #10 · answered by joe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋