My parents found out my husband and I are planning to have a baby and I am devastated?

Question

My husband and I plan to get pregnant in about 9 months when I am 24 and he is 26. A friend gave us a bouncer seat and bassinet since her baby just grew out of it.

The baby items were sitting in our living room and my father dropped by unexpectedly and saw them. My husband told him that we weren’t hiding a pregnancy, but we had the stuff so we can prepare for a baby. My father didn’t seem upset.

This is why I am upset: I know my dad went home and told my mother. My mother has a HUGE problem with us having a baby, that’s why we weren’t telling her anything. She thinks I should wait until I am 30 and she seems to not want to be a grandmother in her late 40’s.

I didn’t want her to know because she will just say negative things and make me upset about planning a baby.

She did this with my engagement too!

Its done and over with but I am still depressed that my mother knows. I think I am going to avoid her for a while.

What do you think? What should I do?

Answer 1

What do I think? I think you're 24 and youre an adult. You can make your own decisions. You're obviously out of the parent's house, so they have no say in your life anymore.

On a lighter note, your mother probably is trying to stop you from making the same "mistake" that she did. In other words perhaps she felt that she missed out on a significant portion of her life because she had to bring up a baby, and couldnt have as much fun as her friends did. At 24, most people are still out messing around and having fun, although starting to really settle down.

Times have really changed and people are getting married and having children later, but if its the mutual choice of you and your husband to have a child, then there should be no problem. Im sure you're well aware of the committment that a child represents.

Your mother needs to understand that, although her opinion is respected, it is your willful choice to have a child, and that choice is yours and yours alone.

Answer 2

This is not your mother's choice. This is yours.

Your mother has the right, as your mother, to support your decisions, and to give her input as to why she doesn't feel that it's a good idea. She can't push you away for it, though, unless she's just being unfair and getting upset that you're too old for her to control.

Think about the reasons why she didn't want you to marry your husband. If there is a good reason behind it, perhaps she doesn't want you to have kids until you know that you are CERTAIN that your marriage will work.

24 is a young age to marry, now, and often times, marriages that young end in divorce.

Then again, like I said, your mom may just be upset that she has no control over the situation, or SHE'S just not ready to be a grandmother. There are many reasons why she could be acting like this.

Answer 3

First, you're both adults, so you shouldn't let your mother's opinions rule your life. It's time to start living for yourself rather than through her approval or lack thereof.

Secondly, chances are that even if you get pregnant tomorrow, when you tell your folks they will be VERY happy after the initial shock of it all. You should NOT wait until you're 30 (or older) to start a family! Your fertility begins to drop very shortly into your 30's. Besides - do YOU want to be 60-something when YOU finally get a grandchild???

If you want to have a family, you should do it when you're ready, when your husband is ready and when you're both financially able to support a family, not when your mother says you can!

Answer 4

Why does your mom want you to wait until you're 30? aside from her being a grandmother in her 40s does any of it have to do with you? You should sit her down and talk to her and show her that you're ready to be a parent. I wouldn't avoid her. Tell her that now is a better time for children and she'll have more energy right now then later.

Answer 5

This may seem harsh but you are an adult and your mother needs to just deal with it. Plus, you're married, it's not as though you're having a baby out of wedlock (not that anything is wrong with that). Do what you feel is right for you and if your mom has a problem then it's just that...HER PROBLEM.

Good luck to you and your husband.

Answer 6

Oh, girl, you could be my sister! I have a mother that does the same thing to me - EVERY decision I make is wrong acording to her. But you know what, I tried not telling her until we actually did it - that works, if you have better selfcontrol than me, I got big mouth and ended up telling her anyways and of course, immediately regreting it. So I made peace with myself, thinking she's propably not happy with HER life so she tries to make mine more satisfying - to her, forgetting that we are different and I actually want different things in different time. So I try to accept her, I listen to her but try not to get bothered (getting my dad to see my point also helped, since then she can compain to him anymore, because he defends my decision). You'll just have to deal with it, its your mom and she'll be always involved. Just find the way to deal with it, because chances are - she won't change, you know.

Answer 7

That is totally not her call!

Besides, statistically the closer you get to post-30 and beyond, the more problems you may have to deal with, of the pregnancy and possibly with the baby too.

Answer 8

It's very sad and unfortunate that your mother is so selfish. Your mother must be very emotionally ill. Looks like she only cares about her own convenience and happiness, and completely overlooks the wonderful blessing of having a grandchild. Ignore anyone so selfish and rude to you. Don't judge yourself according to other people's warped opinions.

Answer 9

How many times are you gonna post this same question?
You are a grown woman at least we hope so...you make up your own decision of what you want to do. No one here can tell you what you should do as if you took someone's advise and it backfired you would get mad with that person...so you figure this out on your own.

Answer 10

What's worked for me with my mom is to disconnect from her advice and criticism. Let her talk all she likes, but don't react to it, don't argue or make excuses, and just do what you want. My mom seems to get some kind of control thrill from upsetting me, so I make sure I keep cool with her. That give ME a control thrill!