i'm 23 years old.. I was raped 2 1/2 years ago by my ex-boyfriend, or my boyfriend at the time, and ended the relationship the next day. i was with him for a little over a year.
Now.. i've been with my new boyfriend for 6 months .. and many times when he tries to get intimate i'm not 'in the mood' or i just dont want him touching me. he respects me and never goes any further.. but sometimes i kno it frustrates him.. and i get upset with myself .. but i cant pretend that i want to if i really dont. Its not that i dont trust him.. its just that... i'm NEVER in the mood.
and i kno it must have something to do with my past experience.
can anyone relate ?
2006-07-24 10:01:27 · 8 answers · asked by c36544 1 in Health ➔ Women's Health
i dont want therapy
2006-07-24 10:16:24 · update #1
I'm sorry that this happened to you.
I think you need to go and get some counseling. I'm glad you man understands, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hope you future is better.
2006-07-24 10:06:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Rape is a serious violation particularly when the perpetrator is someone you loved/trusted. You don't say if you had counselling afterwards but if you haven't I would say start there. Contact your local rape crisis centre if you have one or talk to your doctor so that you can get specialist help. If your current boyfriend is aware of what occurred I'm sure he will understand and be as patient as you need him to be He may at times feel frustrated as sex in a loving relationship is often more about intimacy and strengthening the connection between you two but that's okay, you can be patient with him also and find other ways (non-sexual) to reassure him that the love is there but you need to take baby steps. Maybe if you feel counselling is the right way to go for you, then at a later date he could also join you so that you can work on dealing with the effect that rape can have on future relationships. I wish you all the luck with this, be strong and don't blame yourself instead focus on loving yourself and allowing others to love you too!
UPDATE based on your update:-: If you do not want therapy, then maybe you and your boyfriend can talk about how you both feel right now, what you want to happen in the future and ways to get there that can meet the needs of you both! I would definitely take sex out of the equation for now though and look at touch that feels less intrusive to you, again this is something that you can work out!
2006-07-24 17:17:03 · answer #2 · answered by Angie H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting raped was a VERY BAD experience. so now even though not consciously, you may be relating sex to a bad experience. If you didn't see a counselor after you were sexually abused to help you deal, understand, and get control back over your mind, you should definitely see one. There may be problems or concerns there that you cant even recognize or identify. Even if you are not sure this problem has to do with your past experience, see the counselor anyway to rule it out. There are a number of things that COULD be the cause of not being in the mood. But i would start there, for you and for your relationship with your boyfriend.
2006-07-24 17:10:36 · answer #3 · answered by @theist1987 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Therapy would be helpful. Have a good think about reconsidering. Would a support group of other women who have been raped be a possibility?
Would seeking out another woman who has been raped an has recovered be a possibility?
As for your b/f, he sounds like a keeper to me. For the time being, would giving him sex with your hands be a possibility?
I'm sorry that this horrible thing happened to you. You have my best wishes for recovery but I fear that you will have to be proactive in your recovery---unlike a physical wound that gets better without you doing anything, an emotional wound takes involvement on your part--involvement that is not altogether pleasant.
2006-07-24 17:35:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you had counselling or talked to anyone about it? You were violated in the most vicious way a woman could be violated, so you are feeling repercussions of a past experience. You really need to speak to a doctor and a counselor as soon as possible.
2006-07-24 17:10:54 · answer #5 · answered by sally mae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, I can it happened to me and you will still have problems because of the rape you have to get some counseling and you still have to go throught the feeling steps it dose take a long time and have your boyfriend talk with the crisis center to help to understand what you went through and it will get better in time i know i still sometimes wake up from it and you will heal and dont give up on yourself.
2006-07-24 17:08:17 · answer #6 · answered by LENORE P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cna totally relate---when me and my fiance first started dating I wasn't in the mood alot, and when i was i felt guilty for enjoying myself. I won't say much more on here
But if you want to talk my e-mail is traarat@yahoo.com
2006-07-25 22:32:03 · answer #7 · answered by littlet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you need to get counciling. It's very important. I know you're scared to be touched, but you need to take back your body. Sex is a natural, wonderful thing, but you've allowed a bad experience to inhibit you. Take back your body. Stand naked in front of a mirror and yell, scream, and insist that it is YOUR body and no one is allowed to take it from you.
2006-07-24 17:06:29 · answer #8 · answered by ninusharra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋