my husband and i separated february of this year.we had an arrangement that my son will be with him during weekdays because he does not have a job and would have the time to bring the child to and from the school. but i also go to school everyday to make sure that all my son's homeworks get done.
then my husband and i recently had a fight. he told me i should take care of the child, to get back at me. he knows i would have difficulties since i am working full-time and we don't have a househelp. but then, i agreed, thinking that it would give me more time to be with my son...regardless of how taxing that would be for me.
then yesterday, he said the child does not want to stay with me. i insisted. he said that i am selfish because i am only thinking of myself and not what the child wants. AM I REALLY SELFISH?
2006-07-24 09:44:41 · 14 answers · asked by travlin soul 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if my son stays with my husband, he would demand money from me for daily expenses.
2006-07-24 09:46:29 · update #1
for christsake, you two have a kid together. Sit down, be civil and don't use the kid as a tool to get back at each other..... gzzzzzz. Figure out a schedule that will work for each of you...... don't make this a battle where you'll need a referee...... grow up...
2006-07-24 09:49:30 · answer #1 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I hope you have a lawyer. It is not up to your husband to dictate on a whim what the custody arrangements are at any given time. You need something enforceable, something backed by the courts.
You probably already really know that you aren't being selfish. You were abiding by the original arrangement you worked out with your husband. Then he changed the rules on you when he got angry with you. Even then you were willing to maneuver your life around so that you could care for your little boy. (FYI--that doesn't even sound in the same zip code as selfish). Your hubby sounds like the selfish one. He's using your son as a pawn in a big power game.
I would retain a lawyer--and don't say you can't afford one. Many domestic lawyers are used to clients in your situation and can work something out for payment In many areas there are lawyers who help people for free. You need a lawyer even if you think this separation is only temporary. You could also use marriage counseling if there's any shot at all of salvaging your marriage. If he refuses to go that says a lot right there.
2006-07-24 17:02:03 · answer #2 · answered by Leah M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First...you need to think about what is best for your child. Is it better for him to stay with your ex or you? The child should not have to choose which parent he wants to stay with. That only puts them in the middle of an issue they are too young to handle. You and your ex need to sit down and discuss the matter like adults. You both need to come to an agreement and not use the child as a punishment. Think about where he going to get the best care and most quality time with a parent not necessarily the most quantity of time. Don't send the child back and forth except to visit. I feel(and this is just my opinion) that this will make the child feel like they are doing something wrong if he is going to live with you one second and your ex the next. Divorce is hard enough on the children with out feeling like they have to choose between their parents or are being pulled in two different directions. You and your ex need to be on the same page when it comes to the care of your child and you should put all your other differences aside when you are discussing it.
2006-07-24 16:55:21 · answer #3 · answered by rayne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hire a baby siiter if you want a reliable childcare for yoru son while you work.
If you are seprataed and he is jobless, then you should do your share and support your husband and child while you are at work. Just because he is a man that doen't mean that you don;t have to pay. Children incurr in expenses: dipaers, mcdonalds, toys, entertaiment and if you are the breadwinner you should provide this to your son.
You botha re using the child as bait to get back at each other. You want convinience and you are tossing your son around....
You need some reality check and see what is really important to you....
Good lcuk
2006-07-24 16:53:09 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds weird because I thought seperation was a legal recognition which would mean that the court would have the final decision. Anyhow...you don't sound like you are being selfish just concerned, it must hurt that your child wants to stay with him, but if he does assume responsibility you will have to help with the expenses...no parent is exempt from a child, some just choose to not provide...however your ex needs to not treat your child as a object but as a being...the instabiltiy will definitely not be good for any child...you may have to involve the court system...this is not all up to your ex...Good luck! Too tough to call!!
2006-07-24 16:51:54 · answer #5 · answered by Sassy One 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The mother usually gets custody of the child. I doubt court will approve that the child will go to him since he has no means of supporting the child anyway. Your husband is a jerk. I would take full custody of the child and demand for child support, and no, you're not being selfish. It's what your husband wants, not what's best for the child.
2006-07-24 18:22:53 · answer #6 · answered by the_memory_of_ashes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That child was created by the two of you. You both have to love and nurture that child to help grow into an adult. I do not see it being wrong to want to take care of your child and spend time with him. It is going to have to be made a point that neither one of you use that child as a weapon on each other . I am sure that is already hard on him to have both of his parents living seperate. Try to make his life as easy as possible. If you agreed to take your son and could make things work out to keep him you probably made your ex mad because he couldn't leave you with a burden, you figured it out. On that note he came back for him to say that he didn't want to stay with you.
2006-07-24 17:24:08 · answer #7 · answered by busyliz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your son only means a income for your husband he needs to get off his sorry good for nothing tail and get a job he is showing your child it ok for mom to work daddy stay home and spend mom hard earn money and that will grow up with your child we have enough dead beat dads in the world now we dont need future dead beat dont give the bum your money find a family member to keep the child pay day care dont for the love of GOD let him use you mens need to stop a real man hold a job and support the family a so call man let his wife work and he stay home is not a real man
2006-07-24 16:57:32 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no ur not being selfish if anyone is being selfish its ur x, because he's the one using your child as a pawn in mental games with you and thats shameful.. any parent that has to use a child to get at another parent is scum.. it not only hurts the other parent but puts the child in the middle of a tug of war, if i were u id stick to your guns, and find day care for your son, untill ur x can start acting like a man again..
2006-07-24 16:52:54 · answer #9 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, don't let the child hear you all fighting. I sounds like both of you need to stop quarrelling so much and put your child first. As a mother, I wouldn't give a fu** how taxing it is for me. I would do whatever it takes to make my childs life as worry free as possible. Sounds like you and your man are both being a little selfish.
2006-07-24 16:53:08 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the money thing is understandable on his part...he has no job and needs it...and it is for your son...but I would think that he's the jelous one since he made you take the child in the first place and you do want sometime to be with him..it makes sence...your it's mother and are naturally going to be attached.
2006-07-24 16:50:49 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋