emotionally abusive husband made overnight chnge and is now "mr. perfect" now i am sad cuz i don't believe it

Question

I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START,I HAVE BEEN WITH MY HUSBAND FOR A LONG TIME AND WE HAVE KIDS, HE HAS BEEN SEVERELY EMOTIONALLY AND VERBALLY AND SEXUALLY ABUSIVE SINCE ABOUT 6 MONTHS INTO OUR RELATIONSHIP.THE PSYCIATRIST DIAGNOSED HIM AS A SOCIOPATH.THAT MIXED WITH ME HAVING MAJOR WEIGHT LOSS HAS SOMEHOW MADE HIM "CHANGE".THIS IS A MAN WHO IS SO GOOD AT FOOLING ME THAT HE USED TO COME HOME WITH HICKIES AND HE WOULD CONVINCE ME THAT I WAS JUST MENTALLY ILL AND I AM IMAGINING THEY ARE HICKIES.ODDLY ENOUGH WHEN HE LOST THAT JOB THE HICKIES STOPPED. ALSO HE FORBIDS ME TO GO TO WORK. HE HAS PATTERNS AND ALMOST EVERY SINGLE SIGN OF CHEATING THERE IS, BUT I HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO CATCH HIM WITH "SOLID PROOF".HIS JEALOUSY TOWARD ME IS MORE THAN EXTREME EVEN WHEN I AM NEAR MALE FAMILY MEMBERS.THE DR SAID I AM NOT MENTALLY ILL BUT DEPRESSED FROM MY RELATIONSHIP.I HAD BEN TRYIN 2 FEEL BETTER BUT I FOUND NAILPOLISH ON HIS PANTS.NOT A COLOR I OWN.HE SAYS I AM MAKING HIM MISERABLE CUZ I WON'T TRUST HIM.

Answer 1

You need to get out and get out now... this will never get better... do this for your children... what type of example are you setting for them?

Answer 2

Do you really want your kids around this, I know I wouldn't. It sounds like it would be very difficult to get out of your relationship because he may not let you go. You should not be with someone like that. No matter if he has abused you once or many times, there is nothing that makes it okay. Jealousy is a dangerous thing, and should not be included in marriage. You need to get your kids and get out before things get worse. Get a job, and support yourself. You will find out that your happiness is more important than staying in a lousy marriage. You know in your heart whether he is cheating on you or not. Pray, let God know you can't take it anymore. Cry out to Him, He understands and sees everything. Get into church, and find someone to talk to. A psychiatrist can't tell you what to do about your marriage, but God can.

Answer 3

What do you want us to tell you? He probably is cheating, and you may never catch him (unless you hire a detective and have him followed all over town). If he doesn't treat you right, leave him. You aren't doing your kids any favors by being miserable in an abusive marriage - you're just teaching them that this is "normal" and they will find partners to repeat what you are living in now.

If you say he's changed - give him 6 months. If he doesn't "slip" in that time, maybe you can start to trust him.

Answer 4

Well. I cannot see much good in all this.
I know it is very difficult to leave and make the transition, specially if you are depressed. However, based on what you are describing, it would probably be much better for you.
You need to look after yourself first. That includes taking first small, then big actions for you.
Start with some basics: go to the gym to feel better. Have little "windows of time" just for you. And take it from there to start rebuilding yourself and find the energy to leave him. In the long run, it will be better for you, I think.
All the best.
(PS: I would also find "mister perfect" difficult to trust)

Answer 5

That is Tough! You cannot change anyone but yourself.If you have had enough of the mental anguish then do something about it. It is not easy raising children by yourself financially, I hope you have a profession or skills to back you up just in case.
Would you be willing to seek counseling? Do you have family who would help until you could get on your feet? I hate divorce, I've been through two. Maybe you need some space.
Good Luck! Life is too short to live in constant misery.

Answer 6

Honey, dont waste your time, I am so sorry to hear stories like this, but you are probably not the only one nor the first one nor the last one, I advise you GET:

1st a lawer
2nd the hell outta there
3rd custody of you children and
4th a divorce. ASAP!

If the guy has been diagnosed as sociopath, needless to say what he can do by reading your post. Do it for you, your mental and physical health and you kids. You need to forget how sad you are right now and start doing something to get out of that mess. It's not your fault, just get out of there.

Answer 7

Go (by yourself) to see a marriage counselor and sort all this stuff out. From the little you've said I think you have BIG problems and that things with this man will probably get worse, but you need to sit with someone who can look you in the eye and ask questions to get a more rounded picture of what is going on. Do it right away. If he won't let you go, you need to get help--FAST.

Answer 8

Oh dear.....Kids or no kids....you need to leave....just because a lepard loses his spots...he is still a lepard.......if I was to follow my gut instincts....its just another ploy. If you dont leave..then you are setting your children up to believe this lifestyle is ok...and they may in turn have problems with relationships too. The problem is staying for the kids....it should be "leaving for the kids".....Why should they be subjected to seeing all of this...and your fooling yourself if you think they dont see or hear......He has probably made you think your not good enough for anyone else...or that nobody else would want you. You probably have issues about your selfworth, and your abilities as a wife. Depression will make you do all kinds of things...trust me...I KNow.....I was so depressed to the point I tried to committ suicide......the picture of my grandsons face flashed in my mind right before I started to drive my truck off a bridge......He is to me my guardian angel.......and my life..... But I had been beat down for so long that I was ready to give up. Please don't let it get to that. Put yourself in counseling..not with him....because honestly I believe its too late for that...but do it for yourself.....you deserve it....and you will find...the right man will walk into your life when you least expect it...and it will be all you have been dreaming about for so long.......I wish you luck and I will pray for you......

Answer 9

Abusive men in the sociopath category never change. Get out and take your kids with you. Cheating on you is the least of it. I am a counselor to victims of domestic violence. Try to make a safety plan; detailing where you and the kids will go (ie. friends, family, a domestic violence shelter). Keep a key to your car in a safe location in case you need to leave in the middle of the night. Also, keep a suitcase of essential items and documents in a safe and undiscoverable place. The abuse is not your fault. But you must find a way to keep you and your children safe. Please call the police if he is abusive. And call a local shelter to get counseling and help. You can locate one by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at: 1-800-799-SAFE. I wish you and your children luck and safety.

Answer 10

Oh My God!!!! U sound like u have my life! This is so weird!!!
I don't know what to say....U need to either trust him or get out....But yes, u need to have proof of him cheating....if there is no way to have that proof but are so sure, then u need to leave him! please don't let him abuse u no more.....and next time that happens call the police//so at least there is a police report! and don't let ur kids see all that abuse! U need to do something, DO IT. or u can see ur life go by and waste it!!!! Take care and Good luck!

Answer 11

Find a shelter and leave. You need a better life. He just says he has changed, no way, unless he is receiving counseling and you truly can see he's trying. I don't buy it either. Good luck and best wishes.