I am pregnant...my fiance wants me to get an abortion...what should I do?

Question

I just found out that I am pregnant. I let my fiance know and he told me that he wanted me to have an abortion. I am confused. He told me that he wants everything to be perfect when we get married...and because of our religious beliefs it is not ok to have sex/kids before marriage. We are both worried about what "everyone will think," but I want to keep our baby.

Our parents are leaders in the church that we go to...

My fiance told me that we will NOT work out if I keep the baby...

What should I do?

He is 22 and I am 20.

He lives in his own apartment...

I live with my parents...

Answer 1

If it's against your religious beliefs to have sex before marriage, it definitely should be against your beliefs to have an abortion. He's a hypocrite.

Honestly, you need to do what is best for you. Don't let him talk you into doing something you're not comfortable with doing. No one has the right to judge you-let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

I'm sorry he's threatening that you won't work out if you have the baby, but if that's how he feels, he's not the right one for you.

I'm not going to say to have or not have an abortion. I'm just telling you that it's a personal decision, and if you're not comfortable with it and do it for him, you'll never forgive yourself.

Seek counseling either at church or elsewhere.

Good luck!

Answer 2

If you want the baby, you should keep it. If this is your first pregnancy, the percentage of getting a baby after abortion is very slim. I don't think your fiance follows his religious beliefs 100%. If his beliefs state that you're not allowed to have sex before marriage, then you would of never got pregnant in the first place. I believe he's just making things up because he cares what others will think. In the beginning, people will definate talk about you behind your back. However, as time passes, nobody will even care that you got pregnant before marriage.

Answer 3

Dear heart, listen to this when I tell you, leave him. If he believes in no premarital sex so much, you wouldn't be here asking this question right now. Maybe this is God telling you this isn't the one for you. He should be concerned about you, and your feelings, not what everyone else thinks. He is being very selfish, do you want to end up with someone who cares more about what others think. I am surprised that with him be so religious he would condone the termination of a human life. It's just not the typical thought process. This is your choice, if you want this baby, then you keep it, with or without who ever. It isn't him, or your parents or his parents, or your church or community that has to live with your choice, it's YOU. You have to live with the guilt of what might have been, not them. And you'll get to see the baby's first smile, not them. You live with knowing you made the right choice because you weren't ready yet, not them. You have alot of options, and I guess to sum it all up, forget everyone else. You know, no body wanted me to be born, no one. Everyone hated my mom for being pregnant with me. The second I was born, that all went away, like a clean slate. You do what is right for you, and those that love you, truely love you will be there. This is a good time to figure out who is true, and who is there out of convenience. If you need anymore help, contact me, I don't know you, and can give a fresh opinion, you don't need to go through this alone.

Answer 4

My boyfriend told me the same thing when I told him I was pregnant. I considered the option of having an abortion and decided that since our baby was something that we created together in love, an abortion wouldn't be an option for me. I told him so and gave him the option to walk away hands clean at that time or stick around and raise the baby with me. I am 25 weeks along now and things haven't been easy, but we are still together. Follow YOUR heart because fiance, parents, religion, none of those things will have to feel what you will feel if you have an abortion because of outside forces and not because you want to. Good luck with your decision. It is a hard one, but don't make it too quickly without some deep thinking.

Answer 5

The point is you did have sex before marriage, and even if you can hide that from your parents, you cannot hide it from God.

Aborting the baby for the purpose of simplifying your own lives is not fair. Youre both adults, you're both willing to be married and have a life together.

If you're not going to have faith strong enough to fear Gods reaction over your parents, then dont even bother. Either please God or your parents.

You should do what you want to do, because in the end thats what you'll do.

This child didnt choose to be concieved, it didnt decide now was a good time, it didnt even decide it wanted you two for parents. But you made it, knowing full well you should wait until marriage to have sex. And now it has to pay the consequence?

It should say something to you that you're furture husband would rather live a happy easy life, controlling your body and your motherhood, than to provide for the child he created.

If it were me i would call it off, cut my losses, and deal with the reality of the situation. A child that needs its mother.

Answer 6

Ok if it is a sin in your religion to have sex/kids before marriage then that was done way before the pregnancy and all the pregnancy has done has given proof of the aforementioned. You have to do what is right for you not just for him, no one answers for your sins but you. If he is your fiance and he loves you then he will respect you and your decision. You can not live your life worrying about what everyone here on earth thinks....Is your "God" not your judgement or is it the people here? I say do not do things on a whim think about it a couple of days before making your final decision. If he is so worried about what other people think or feel then what does he think all those people at the abortion clinic are going to think?
It's your personal choice, I just know that when I was faced with the situation I could not and did not do it. I just told him point blank we may not work out but you will pay child support, because it is your child.

Answer 7

Your parents are leaders in the church and your fiance wants you to have an abortion and you dont know what to do cuz you're afraid of what they will think of you if you keep it??? What do you thinkn they will think of it if you kill it?? Cuz that is what abortion is... it is murder! It is not a form a birth control. He is your fiance... you both jumped into bed if you were so concerned about sex before marriage you wouldnt have done that. Take on and accept the responsibilty of your actions and tell him to grow up. It is a small sin to have sex before marriage but an un-forgiving sin to be a murderer! Maybe you both need to look at this baby as a gift from god.... babies are miricles not everybody can be so lucky to have one of there own and you have one. God doesent hand you anything you cant deal with! He is blessing you with a child it is his gift to you dont throw it away! It will either solidify or destroy your relationship with your man. If he walks then you dont need a man like that anyway.

Answer 8

First of all this is YOUR decision, he may be your fiance but when it all boils down you make the last decision. Just because he tells you he wants you to abort the baby doesn't mean you have to. If you feel like you ready to have a child keep it. If you feel like you cant support a child but don't want to abort the pregnancy. Then there are so many couples out there who can not have children who would love a baby just give it up for adoption. That probably is your best bet because you might regret it later on in life.

Answer 9

In your religion it's not ok to have sex before marriage but it is ok to have an abortion! I have a hard time believing that.

First of all, don't care what everyone will think. The problem is that no matter what you do, someone is going to be angry or hurt. You need to follow your heart. If you don't want to have an abortion but you are being pressed into it, you will regret it the rest of your life.

If at all possible, please consider adoptions as an alternative. There are so many people out there who would love a baby and can't have one. I will be praying for you.

Good luck.

Answer 10

If he's against you having a baby that he helped create, then you should probably dump him. Or tell him to take responsibility for his actions and be a father for his child. If you're not very far along, you could get married sooner, like within the next month, and when the baby comes, you could just say it was a little bit premature. The doctors have to respect your privacy and they won't blab around town that the baby you say is premature was actually a full-term baby. It sounds like your fiance is just afraid of an actual commitment. If you want an abortion, it should be your choice, not anyone else's. Don't let him influence you into making a decision you might regret later on.