Help! I don't know what to do?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 6 1/2 years, married for 3yrs. We just celebrated our 3rd anniversary. He has a friend he plays poker with online. At first I didnt think much of it. But he started spending more time with her than he does with me and the kids. I tried to say something but he said I was being rediculous. Well, they decided to set up messenger so they could chat easier. I know how to read the message archive, he doesn't. Last night I noticed he said he was going to give her his cell number and wanted her to call him at work. I'm not allowed to call him at work unless it's an emergency. I read the archive today because of this. He asked for a pic of her, told her she was beautiful. He said if he had the money he'd be on a bus now. They said they couldn't wait for the time they could meet in person. I've noticed they are making jokes about me and things like that. Obviously they've said more, but I don't have room here to list it all. What do I do?

When I noticed last night that he was going to give her his number I said something to him. That was before I read the archive. She lives in a different state, but it's the one we are from, so it's not like he can't find her. All he said was if I wasn't reading his messages, I wouldn't know. He said they were just friends. I asked how far does it go before it stops? Now that I've read their messages I think it is more than just friends. Anybody want to know more, I'll send you the messages they wrote and you can tell me what you think. Our anniversary was Wendsday and the chat I read was from mostly this weekend.

Also, I am a stay at home mom with our 4 children, 3 mine, 1 together. He works and controls the finances. I have to ask just to buy something like ice cream. How am I supposed to go out and have fun on my own or leave him?

Answer 1

Print out what you read and then nonchalantly inquire about their relationship. When he lies about it (which he will), pull out the papers and tell him the next papers he get will be divorce ones if he doesn't end all contact with her and any other woman he may have eyes for. Good luck.

Answer 2

No one can really tell you what to do, but this is what every young woman should know. Have your own credit card in your own name. You don't have to use it but you will have it in case of emergency and establish a credit rating. Know what all your bills are and have access to all financial accounts and keep an eye on them.Make sure no changes have been made to your mortgage and that your name is on everything. Do this before you decide what to do! I am not saying he is going to do anything wrong but if you decide to confront him be prepared and do it when you are emotionally strong. As everyone knows there are a lot of con artist on-line and they are just waiting to find just the right person to rip off. For all you husbands knows this :woman: could be a 50 year old man and wants to make some fast money. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope everything works out for the better.

Answer 3

This is not good, Alot of people fall for others on the computer, it's all a mental thing. On the computer they talk and that's all, so they feel they know this person so much and that they have everything in common. What they don't realize is, Well this is the computer and not all they know about each other is true. It's mind games and he doesn't realize he will be disappointed in the end. Something is definitely wrong in your relationship if he is talking about you. That right there is a sure sign things aren't good. He could have easily played this little game with his "on line friend" But he didn't need to mention you. Sounds like he's looking for a way out of your marriage.

Answer 4

sounds like mr right has done something wrong. There are two ways to take care of this situation. Either call it to his attention and ask why. Or hire a PI with cash and get videos of what he's been doing. Either way is preparation for court and a divorce. Make copies of the archives to be used in court.

If you love him enough that you choose to talk with him about this and you get as far as counseling to solve what's wrong, immediately start planning in your mind anyway what you would do the next time this happens because habits never die. So either he will find a male friend to talk with, he will take more interest in your children, or he will take more interest in your children and you. But plan ahead for saving money in case there is a split. Get a checking account in your name only. Have your family keep money for you or store small things you need at their home. Get your education up to date so you can support yourself if anything happens.

Answer 5

Wheither he'll admit it or not he's cheating on U...
He may not have touched this woman physically YET.
But it's still cheating... He's making arrangements to hook with her. This man needs a reality check.
Try to talk to him, let him know that U know, if he still wont discuss this with U, it's Ur house also. So I'd have the computer taken outta my house and the internet disconnected and he wanted to still talk to her he would find another way. Not in MY house with my kids there.....
Ask him, if he is really considering throwing his life away with U and the kids for some woman he hasn't even met yet.
And if he says yes, tell him to hit the door. U and Ur kids deserve better. Something tells me that this isn't his first attempt or even his first affair.
Whether U believe it or not Ur children know that's somethings not right and they will be looking @ U during all this to see how U handle things. C our children are ALOT smarter than we give them credit. SO do what's best for U and Ur kids and throw this man out if he's not willing to try to hold his family together.
One other piece of advice, if U two decide to seek counseling, make sure he is out of the house first. If a man sees just what he's missing, it's usually easier for him to be honest during therpy. Besides, the break may just B what the two of U need.
It won't be easy but U need to show him that U and Ur children are not easily replaced.


Good Luck, I hope things work out for U two, I hope he wakes and realizes what a jack a.s.s. he's being.

Answer 6

Confront him. Print out all the evidence you have and use it when he tries to deny it, if he does. demand to know his intentions and go from there. Tell him this is NOT acceptable and give him a choice. Stop and end the entire situation or leave. His choice. If he loves you it will stop. If not, then you're better off without him. Make sure you have all the facts and evidence you need to back up your standpoint. If you are wrong and you do this, you will look the fool and there will be bigger problems than a minor misunderstanding. Do not let this stand. do not let it continue of you are uncomfortable either. Tell him! he needs to answer for a few things. Decide from there! Good luck!

Answer 7

I would print this s**t out and confront him. But first, I would call up my best friend and set up arrangements to come stay at her house if things get out of hand; have the necessary things packed in a bag ready to go. Send the kids away if you can.

Give him a chance to realize what he's doing; he might chill and understand he's making a mistake - perhaps you guys will be able to work something out at the end. But if he wants to continue doing what he's doing, you really should move on and look for someone who appreciates and respects you. It's hard, but better than being walked on. Get support from your friends - you'd be surprised how many people have been in your shoes in one way or another, and can relate to what you're going through, and help.

Answer 8

Don't beat around the bush - print out the correspondence and confront him with evidence. Be prepared for the worse and be ready to take the kids. Maybe it's just a midlife crisis or something - but if it's more then communicating will at least start the road to recovery. There's always counseling if needed. Best of luck.

Answer 9

The best thing is the truth. Tell him you were worried because he spent so much time online, and went to investigate. You feel hurt, and angry that he would write unpleasant things about you to another person. Then suggest that you would like to start counseling, and he is welcome to come with you. Don't try to push him into going. Either way, you will need to talk to someone, (try to get a Christian counselor for the best perspective on things) just to work through your feelings. And although it is scary, it may be time for you to ask him to leave for a bit. Some time away from you, and the kids, may show him just what he would loose if he stays on this path. But be prepared that he may want to walk away.

Answer 10

I HAVE BEEN IN THIS POSITION MAYBE 6MONTHS AGO. A MAN DOES NOT REALIZE THAT HAVING A UNNECESSARY RELATION SHIP WITH ANOTHER WOMAN OPEN UP A CON OF SOME SH** THAT HE CANT HANDLE. I DEFINITELY LOOKS LIKE THERE RELATIONSHIP IS GOING TO ANOTHER LEVEL THAT'S INAPPROPRIATE. IF YOU WANT TO SEE JUST HOW FAR HE WOULD GO . DON'T SAY A WORD D DO WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING.BUT THAT IS RISKY BECAUSE THE LONGER THE TALK THE DEEPER IT WILL GET AND IT WILL BE HARDER TO STOP HIM. PLEASE EMAIL ME I HAVE TWO OTHER SOLUTIONS FOR YOU I KNOW THIS HARD BUT I COULD HELP YOU RESOLVE THIS. [e-mail]

I HAVE BEEN READING WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING PLEASE UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE YOU TO CONFRONT HER THAT'S JUST TACKY . YOU'LL GET IN A CONFRONTATION AND THEN SHE WILL BE ANGRY AT YOU AND WILLING TO DO WHAT EVERY SHE NEED TO DO TO MAKE YOU ANGRY EVEN IF IT MEANS TRYING TO STILL YOUR MAN. DON'T LET ANY ONE T TAKE ANY THING FROM YOU . YOU MAKE THAT DECISION EVERYONE GOES THROUGH PROBLEMS FLOWERS COULDN'T GROW WITHOUT RAIN CONTACT ME PLEASE.

Answer 11

Print out the log with all that has been said. Present it to him...he is one step away from messing around on you, regardless of what he says. Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings, but unless he is willing to keep this play crap strictly on line, this is a no-go situation. It is very easy to "fall" for some one on line...harmless, passes within a week or two. But, when it comes to meeting, etc....oh no ya don't...that is out and out cheating. Better nip this one in the bud before you are in divorce court. You can show him this reply if you like.