8 years, 3 kids, split very good reasons to wont deny that.been split 6 mths.
what is she thinking? ----
she says she still likes me, she says she cares about me alot.
i as a man can see in her eyes when we laugh and joke she still likes me so it is not false.
she knows i am a good father, she has seen a big change in me since the split. (i needed it)
we talk occasionally do things together now but just as friends.
she says she does not want anyone else she just wants to be single with the kids.
then she reminds me we wont be getting back together again.
(in my opinion this is just to tone it back down a touch)
she even has admitted that she does not want us to be to good friends because we will end up getting back together again.
-----------------------------------------
my question -
if all of this is true, i still love her 100% and HAVE changed all my wrongs, we both dont want anyone else. we will both soon have our own places. we both still manage the kids.
2006-07-24 07:54:50 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
why wont she let me get to close to her again?
i would take it slow even dating whilst living apart, why wont she let me?
even on a no commitments thing>
2006-07-24 07:55:47 · update #1
Take it slowly.
2006-07-24 07:56:57 · answer #1 · answered by INFOPOTAMUS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because she got burned last time she was close to you and anybody is reluctant to get too close to the fire after that. You need to NOT push, be friends and allow her enogh time to very slowly see you as someone who has truly changed. You ruined the history you had before so you need to build a new one, only this time its even harder because you don't get the benefit of the doubt that someone gives a new person in their life. You have proven to be a bad risk and it is going to take a long time for the new history to replace the old, but it actually sounds like things are going pretty well. Be patient, be kind, be there when she needs you, be a good dad and you may get there eventually. It will probably take at least twice as long to fix it as it did to screw it up, maybe much more than that. Good luck.
2006-07-24 15:01:42 · answer #2 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think she has been very hurt and so does not want a relationship with you or anyone else right now - she is going to put herself and her children first which is comendble.
I'm glad you guys are friends again - its a good thing for your relationship as parents. It is obviously easier for her to redsicover the man she likes now that the pressure of the relationship and having to live together has gone.
I think this is a wonderful place you find yourselves in and you should enjoy it. My partner's parents split up when he was very young but they have remained friends enough to be able to share meals with their children, attend graduation and weddings without sniping and I am sure that he is the grounded person he is because of that.
2006-07-24 16:08:12 · answer #3 · answered by Leapling 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well....if you all split because you hurt her in any way then she most likely doesn't want to get back together with you because she fears she will be hurt again....really hard to say without too much detail..anyway...just give it time..if you all are ment to get back together only time will tell. Do all the right things and keep showing her that you want to be there for her and the kids and I wish you the best of luck!
2006-07-24 15:02:53 · answer #4 · answered by keygirlpink 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest...you read a lot of these and reading between the lines you can tell the partner doesnt want know...but reading your story which obviously is your opinion, i would say you have got a chance. Dont know whats happened in the past but she just sounds like she wants time without getting your hopes up... 8 years is a lot to give up..take your time....good luck ...hope it works out.
2006-07-26 19:30:10 · answer #5 · answered by wigannwuk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the no commitments thing wont work at all she is pushing you away because she still loves you she will always love you and if you have kids you are always gonna be there right in her face to crush her heart a little bit more every time...she misses you but now is liking the ways things are and although she wants to be with you she is liking not being with you if you want to be back with her you need to show it and show it and show it until your face is blue and if she is interested she will let you know...
2006-07-24 14:59:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she isn't sure if your change is for real, so she doesn't want to get close to you and get sucked back in to old ways again. The best thing you can do is either give her space and respect her wishes, or tell her that you want your family back, you have changed, and you want to get into marriage/family counseling so you can work things out.
2006-07-24 14:57:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she got hurt really bad because of what you did, then she probably doesnt' trust you all that much yet! Give her time! Some women need a lot more time than you think! I think the reason that she is still your "friend" is because she still has feelings for you, but she is affraid to give in because she still can't completely trust the fact that you have changed! Give her time,and a lot of attention! she will accept you, when it is time!
2006-07-24 15:01:26 · answer #8 · answered by Susan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is ONE complicated situation and the only way you are gonna solve something like that is to get a friend involved, one who can help you and give you an impartial second opinion. I think you already know deep down the answer to your question and are perhaps looking for confirmation on here...
well don't ok? only YOU can really solve this
a word of advice... expect nothing and give her happy days... then you will NEVER be disappointed.
enjoy and good luck
:-)
2006-07-24 15:00:05 · answer #9 · answered by goodbye and good luck :-) 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you must of hurt her in ways she wont forgive you for and why would she if she gets on better with you this way leave it as it is, a lepourd does not change its spots you say you have learnt its like a child taken his fav toy from them, she took herself away so you would learn not to treat her in the bad ways you did, why would she let you in again to hurt her and it took her 8 years for her to build the courage to do somethig positive about it remember it only because she took herself away you learnt you HAD to change in the first place.
2006-07-24 22:07:46 · answer #10 · answered by xxxxxxxxxx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why won't she let you get close?? Obviously you hurt her with whatever it was that were your 'wrongs'. Once bitten, twice shy. Of course she's leary of a relationship with you again, as she's afraid you'll do whatever it was you did before. Time will tell if you will be together...don't push it and let it happen on her terms.
2006-07-24 15:00:44 · answer #11 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋