Men, please try to give an honest answer here....?

Question

My husband claims to not think about sex... I do, and thought all men did. He never makes any moves towards sex, I always initiate it. More than half the time however he rejects me. We used to have great sex, he says it's becuase he didn't work as much then. Anyway, I feel totally worthless, and to top it off I have seen in the computer's history that he has been looking at porn... now how does a person not think of sex and look at porn? Anyway, I need to know how I can get him to open up. Everyone tells me to talk to him, but I have and he just says that he is just looking and nothing else.... but I'm still being rejected and he's still looking. I feel like he must not love me. I really need to know why men look at porn if they say that they love their wife? What could a wife do? He says he doesn't have fantasies so I can't try to fulfill any. Anyway, what can I do?

Answer 1

Whenever I go on to adultfriendfinder it's more because I'm bored, horny, or need a quick fix fantasy to masturbate pleasurably more than anything else. What I don't want is to satisfy a woman's mind in addition to the "fix" I am looking for.
It made no difference if I've been in a sexual relationship with a woman or not at the time I went to the site or viewed porn.
Mind you, I'm NOT bored with the woman.
I'm bored with my own life.
Guys want that to be OK without a woman trying to fix that anal quality (being bored) that make us guys so strange.
Most guys won't be able to share that with a woman they love; it's simply too revealing and makes most men feel too vulnerable.
I'm betting your husband, like you, is young. He's exploring feelings and fantasy. He should, ideally, be sharing this with his wife. Yet that is not happening for you and it is definitely getting to you. That is very understandable.
It's not a matter of you talking to him or him talking to you. Virtually every married couple I know has some variation of your issues, some even without the internet element.
He is no more rejecting you or looking for a new gal, any more than you are looking for a new guy to marry here on yahoo q&a.
Many couples, especially after a newborn or two, suffer from a lack of regular sex. That sure stinks, yet it is far from abnormal or a sign your marriage is about to hit the skids.
Seriously, next time he wants to go to friendfinder, tell him you want to jack him off while he searches. If he doesn't go for his wife playing the b j game (no woman's mind issues, just sex) while he searches porn and contacts folks on friend finder, well then you may have a REAL problem. The issue is he doesn't want you to play with him and you're his wife. Maybe he just sees you as less fun, not perverted enough or as too eager to be mainstream, yet who knows if he won't share anything with you. That really sucks.
Yet I think he loves you a lot, and I really don't think he is looking to cheat on you at this time.
Good luck and you know I send much OUTRAGEOUSLY GOOD KARMA YOUR WAY!

Answer 2

Sounds like he is rubbing a few out in front of the computer and not leaving any for you. he may be looking at some pretty bazaar stuff on the net and "plain ol' sex" is not flipping his switch. He has a problem, not you. I know he has to have some sort of fantasy, but is embarrassed or ashamed to tell you what it is. Tell him your fantasies and see if that opens him up a little bit. But your problem with him just may be as simple as he is too lazy to have sex unless you start it. Sounds crazy, I know, but once a guy is in a relationship he'll get a little lazy. He knows that the little woman will always be there when he feels the urge. A single guy is always looking to score and will put out a lot of effort to get sex because there are a lot of dry spells for an average looking guy, so he must kind of stock up when ever he gets lucky. Kind of like the story of the ant that works all year round and the grasshopper that just plays all the time. The ant has food during a dry spell, the grasshopper will starve.
Seek some counseling and good luck. You seem like a very nice woman and wish you well.

Answer 3

tell him you want to watch a porn with him..or start sending him dirty emails or text messages...... as for why a man would look at porn if he is geting sex and has a wife.... I can only go from my on experience, in a relation that I am totally happy, I look at almost no porn, with the exception being something sent by email or maybe going to a bachelor party....when I am not truly happy I am looking at porn all the time..the other thing is you have to look at your work schedules, I was living with a girl..I got up 5am every morning and put in 11-12 hours driving a truck everyday, and unlaoding heavy lumber and stuff..she woke up at 8 and put in 7 1/2 hours on teh phone at a call center..so by the time dinner was over and we relaxed i was really tired, and she wasnt, so I would probably be heading to bed by10:30..she would still be awake but come to bed..she would want sex, but I was already done for the night...maybe try and get him into bed before he usually gets to sleep..I mean if she would of said lets go upstair early..I would have been ready ...hope this helped

Answer 4

I went through the same thing with my long term girlfriend, but I lost my confidence a bit and it made it worse.I did look at porn and enjoyed the thrill of something different without the pressure to perform.The longer it went on the worse it got until we had a talk and I told her what was going on.I thought about sex all the time with people I didn't know and was masturbating a lot.We have passed that now and introduced new thing s to our sexlife like mutual shaving and extended foreplay and masturbation....it worked for me I have my confidence back and now Initiate sex a lot of the time. Hope this helps

Answer 5

You husband is in denial and he's looking at porn, Well nothing wrong at looking at it but your husband has been satisfying himself too much by looking at it and you should try your approach a little different, now heres a ? for you do you like porn in any kind of way, If yes then share the expierences with him, like when he gets excited, theres your chance to get your pleasure, If you dont like porn try the good morning thing while he's still asleep, play with his private parts get him excited & as he wakes dont stop, just keep on having your way with him, he'll join in from being overly aroused & lady's out there if work is the problem, Always get him after a good sleep, let him wake up fresh to your horny desires. Hope that helps you

Answer 6

Hi I am a happily married woman. This is my second marriage and I am extremely happy sexually. If my husband did this I would be very disappointed. My husband has done the porn thing in the past before we ever met. It sounds like you husband is getting his sexual needs met threw his porn interests which is not taking care of your needs. This is what I would do:
1. Write a note on the computer for him to read and ponder.
2. I would let him know how much I miss him and sharing sexual desires together.
3. I would ask him to limit his porn activity so that there is time/desire for us sexually.
4. I would ask him to write back and explain what he is going through.
5. I would ask him to work together to fix the problem.
6. I would give myself a time line of how long I will wait for him to make changes and our relationship to improve.
7. I would promise myself to stick to the time frame and then move on if things do not improve.
Good Luck, Prayers are With You!
This is a tough one. Reach out for help if you need it. Don't stay stuck in it too long.

Answer 7

My ex-husband used to do that. He was in his early 20's at the time. Not sure if it's that age or what. I can be a very jealous person, but in a weird way, I wanted to know about the porn and wanted to use it to my advantage, but it was so one-sided. I was not as interested in it as he was and I certainly did not get the same pleasure out of it. I just got jealous. It seems as if he's getting his thrills by himself and is losing the desire to be physical with you since he's turned on only visually now. I would try talking to him again armed with the information I gave you about my personal experience. If that doesn't work, try a counselor. This porn thing could be an addiction, and trust me, it can get pretty sick if it gets out of hand. (no pun intended)

Answer 8

What a puzzle. My deceased husband, bless him, loved me very much and still watched Porn. My fiancee will watch it, I know lots of good, decent, men who watch it.

It is a guy thing. It is entertainment for males.

My feeling is his rejecting you has nothing to do with porn watching, unless of course he is so immature that he thinks porn is a reflection of what real life sex should be like.

Darn. It is not real. They have take 1, take 2, even a take 32, and the things they can do with images these days is darn right scary.

Grin. If your guy is that immature, then watch a flick and do what the porn hussies do :)

If anything, it might be fun :)

Answer 9

O.K., first off, he is thinking of sex. He wouldn't be checking out porn on the net if he wasn't thinking of sex. Here's my story: My husband IS addicted to porn. Bondage porn. I always knew he liked bondage. It was very hard for me to accept this as a typical "routine" in our sex life but after many years and trials, I did and actually enjoyed it to a point. I just didn't know that he was viewing it as much on the net as he was. Viewing and masturbating to it. It's been an "issue" our entire marraige but it has recently become a serious problem. I was straighteing up hubbies office last fall when I ran across several printed receipts for internet porn memberships. So I decided to go on our computer and take a look. Boy was I shocked! I laughed at first, then I was speechless, then very hurt and finally just pissed off. He says he's been working on this addiction with his therapist but I think that's bullshit. Why? Because just last week I was on our computer and hit "History" instead of "Favorites". low and behold, all those sites popped back up. Over 40 a day. "That's what I turn to when I'm under a lot of stress" is what he says. Because I'm not as accepted to bondage, meaning because I won't do it daily, he thinks he has to turn to other chicks on the inernet. Things have changed between us....he rarely comes to bed when I go to bed and granted, I need my wind-down time but that's never stopped us in the past. Even tho' I swore bondage off when I caught him last fall, I brought it back in Februay, on our anniversary weekend, in the hopes that this would help stop him from going to the net. It doesn't matter what the F### I do, he constantly goes to the net. I give great BJ and love doing it and he very much enjoys that. I wear the attire he likes. But he still goes back to the porn sites. Well, I'm done with it. This goes so much deeper but bottom line is this: my husband became addicted a long time ago-it's like alcohol to him; he feels that I'm trying to control him by wanting him to stop and he refuses to be controlled. The problem is that he activley seeks it out. He hasn't preferred the porn over me but because I'm not into bondage as much as he is he feels it's o.k. to view a large amount and get his rocks off to it. Your husband is unhappy with something, Lord only knows what. I'll just tell you that if you two don't get some help with it fast, your marraige will soon be over. Go to a sex therapist. It's funky at first but if you two love each other the therapist will help work out what the trouble is. I'm thinking about starting to view big dick on the net and watching how other men please their woman. I'll see how he feels when I'd rather watch a guy on the screen versus having the real thing. Try it...let me know your results.

Answer 10

He might not be interested in you anymore because if he is looking at porn he is thinking about sex. You appear to be very attractive from the picture their but him giving the excuse of work and being tired and all, lame as hell.
Maybe he is impotent and doesnt want to say anything. if that is the case their is a trust issue. well just trying to give a outsiders point of view here.
Not interested because i am tired from work, lame as hell i say!