I'm asking for advice?

Question

I'm 19.I'm pregnant in 9-th month.I live with my younger sister,age 14(our mother lives and works in Europe and sends us money and we don't know our fathers).2 weeks ago,my sister told me she had had sex with some boy(he was about 20-21) who she doesn't know at all,but she had just been looking 'for the feeling',as she told me.They didn't use condoms.I talked with her about sex a lot and I think she got the idea.Anyway,yesterday she did a pregnancy test and it was affermative.For sure check she did another one which was affermative.Our mother comes home once a year for a week or two.She came last month and the next time will be the next year in June.I think my sister could be pregnant,deliver the baby,then we'll give it for adoption and our mother won't argue with my sister.Tell me is this ok?

Answer 1

I would tell mom. She is going to need the support in whatever she decides. But legally, once she has the baby, she is an adult. She can keep it or put it up for adoption without you or your mom's concent.

Answer 2

I don't matter if your mother is argue or not just tell her the truth cause that is bad to have a baby then give it up for adoption, then u should go ahead and get abortion, but that bad to in some cases. I had the same problem u are in, the only different thing is that I had my first baby when I was 12 years old and me and my baby dad is still together, Iam 19 years old now and happy. If your sister don't know the boy, if she see him she need to tell he and get all his information so he can take care of that child. I don't know my baby father until after I got pregant be him, cause I was drunk and didn't know how I was having sex until him called me the next day and like 1 month later I told him that I was pregant and we have been togother ever since then.

Answer 3

Wow. There's a lot more going on here than pregnancies. Do you have ANYONE you can talk to who is older than you? Any other family that is closer to you, geographically speaking at least? I mean, how is this ok that you have full responsibility for a 14 year old, at 19? Plus, you will be taking care of twins any day now? Why aren't you with your mom in Europe? Sorry, I know you need/want an answer to this pressing question, but I just see so much more here...as far as your sister, tell your mother, and maybe tell her that you guys really need her to be home more now than ever. I'm pro-choice, so I'd start there, does your sister really want to carry full term? And, if so, will she be able to give up the baby for adoption if she has it~ esp. after seeing her "big sister" care for her two babies?? There's a lot at stake here. I would take her to family planning to get all of her options. They can also help you both with support services if need be. But, tell your mother, don't make this the "Big Family Secret", this family seems way to divided already. And I'm really sorry for you for having to take on all of these adult responsibilities that aren't technically yours to begin with.

Answer 4

Adoption is a great idea. You'll be giving a family that can't have kids a great gift and also giving the baby a chance to grow up with two loving parents. Don't worry about what your mom thinks. Sounds to me like she has more important things to do than raise and instruct her daughters. (sarcastic). Can you see how your sister's behavior mimics your own. Try to set an example for her by giving up your baby and not having sex with guys who don't make a commitment to you. You are her only hope. Break the cycle of having kids and not being responsible for them. You know in your heart that a baby needs a mother and father until they are 18 to thrive and achieve their greatest potential.

Answer 5

Well first of all your grown so nothing said to you.

Second of all, your mother knew better than to leave your sister with you and if the courts or authority finds out for this, they will take your sister unless you have sole custody.

I do sympathize with your sister about looking for the love she really may never have or don't remember but i do not sympathize what she did. For your sister, I think you should keep the child but if you don't want to you can have open adoption where your sister and you can visit the child as much as she can but the child doesn't deserve to not know his mom. Both of you seem to be better off together than with either parents but continue to be the role model you are for her.

I wish you luck on the decision you make for her and hope that she has learned her lesson but i do suggest you allow open adoption so that she can continue to see the child until she is ready to take full responsiblity as a parent. I understand you cant take care of two babies because you are already about to have one.

Answer 6

Well, hmmm, you could probably get away with that, but your sister is only 14! She will probably need some emotional help, having a baby and giving it up for adoption is not that simple. Do you not think your mom would find out eventually? I think she probably would. I dont think there is any reason why you couldnt tell your mom, I mean, she hasent really been there for you and your sister, what does she expect to happen? Just think long and hard on this one, I really think you need the help of an adult!

Answer 7

Oh, dear this is a difficult situation. I personally feel that you have the right idea as far as giving the baby up, but it's probably not a great idea to keep it from your mom. As much arguing as it may cause, it will be really bad for the two of you to try and keep such a large secret inside. Besides, chances are that she will find out somehow anyway, and then be even more upset for not knowing about it in the first place. Good luck to the both of you, I hope that it works out.

Answer 8

Your sister is 14 and pregnant! You are 19 and pregnant!
Your mother needs to be at home! She is responsible for the 14 year old and her actions. You being 19 have no right to decide on what your sister should do with her child. I think you both need to put your babies up for adoption when they are born and start taking care of yourselves! THIS IS SOOOO WRONG!!!!

Answer 9

Normally I would say your sister should tell your mother, but this one has me a little shocked. I can't believe a mother would leave her minor daughter (your sister), and only visit once a year. To me, you are acting as your sister's mother and guardian. I think adoption is an excellent solution to this problem. You should check into becoming your sister's legal guardian (if you haven't already) so that you are able to get medical care for her, and help her through this process. Good luck!

Answer 10

You should probably talk with your mother about all of this.

It's a major decision to give a child up and will affect you, your sister and her baby the remainder of all lives involved.

I am not sure why your mother is so absent. It leaves me to believe that you don't really think you can talk with her. If you can't, please seek some help from someone who is older, wiser and can be trusted.

This isn't like your sister fell and broke her arm at a skate party or something. This is serious and life altering.

Please talk with someone close to you both that you can trust and will give you the guidance and support that is obviously lacking.

Answer 11

honostly. I think you need to talk more with your sister about protection and being careful about who she is messing with, some people are creeps! then, your mother will have to find out evenutally.. However i aplaud you for giving it up for adoption rather than going for an abortion. Its alot easier to hide an abortion however, its very dangerous and there plently of women who cant have babies who want them. i am not saying if its okay or not okay becuase its a sort of loaded question. i really think breaking it off to you mother is the best way to go. If she finds out later on down the road( i promise she will) she will feel hurt and betrayed that no one told her. She will also be very upset and not trust either of you anymore it will cuase a big stake to be driven right through your family. As Far as your sister going make her an appointment with her doctor or your OBGYN for a blood test..