I need some advise!!!!!?

Question

My husband and i are haveing some problems, last week he went out and done something every night, or he has his buddys over playing poker. Monday - went fishing, Tues went golfing, Wend. had buddys over, and then went to sain a water hole after 9:00p.m. Thurs. went golfing, Friday- had buddys over till 3:30 in the morning, and failed to go to work on Sat. morning. Sat he actually did not do anything, then sunday he went golfing again. Last night he told me that i was his problem that i would not let him go and do anything. When he goes out i usually tell him to be home at a cetain time, witch he never come home when i ask, he says that the reason that he dont is because he knows that i am gong to be mad anyway so why come home when i ask, Keep in mind that we have a 4 yr and a 23month old. What do i do????? I told him last night that we could just have 2 seperate lives just live in the same house, HELP ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

he wants his cake and eat it to, he wants to be able to go out whenever he wants but at the same time he wants a wife and he wants kids, its not fair that your home with the kids all the time and he goes out, its also not fair that you dont get to go out from the sounds of it, and you need "couple" time you need to get a babysitter and go out together for dinner and the movies stuff that you used to do before the kids, just tell him that if it doesnt stop your leaving him.

Answer 2

Don't give him a curfew. He is a grown man, and is head of the household. You wouldn't want a curfew either I am guess. Second respect his free time out with his friends. Sit down and talk with him and ask him that he spend a few nights at home and some nights out with his friends. In marriage you need to have things to do outside of the home as well. If you are nagging him, it will only make him want to be away more. I am guessing he still loves you, but feels right now that he can not do much right. Let him know over the next few days something you are thankful for. Each day find one thing to praise him or thank him for, and mean it when you say it. Also try not to tell him to be home by a certain time, if you need him home by a certain time ask him to respect you by being home at that time and tell him why it has to be so. Remember, he is an adult too, and wants to know that you respect him. I haven't known a situation yet where the wife started to do these things and the husband didn't start to stay home more. The more comfortable you make his own home for him, the more he will want to stay there with you. I don't mean as in a clean home, but as how at home he feels with you and the children. Good Luck! :)

Answer 3

don't ask him to come back early or nothing like that just let him to be free and all u have to do just pretend that ur kinda happy and there is no any problem and them one night u go some where and get back home round about 3:00 AM or 4:00 AM and just forget abour ur kids for one night if he said some thing or if he minded that just tell him that's not a problem sweety that's it and go to sleep and do it again n again try to dress up fly try act as if some one else is in ur life let's see what is he going to do if he loves u he really would care and stop u to do it and if he doesn't care about u there is no point to live with him any more coz u need some help u need some one help u with the kids they are not just ur kids her hubby has to take some responsiblity , if some one is not mature enough to have kids and a wife Y the heck he has to get married ....
if he can be out till 3 or 4 y u can not be? y u have to be worry about ur kids

Answer 4

I do not know your husband at all and I hate to judge him but do you think that there's a possibility that he could be cheating? He has two small children and a wife and he would rather go golfing or hang out with friends instead of being with his family that needs him. Then he had the audacity ti miss work. Any real man would know that the more they work, the more they can provide for their family. In my opinion, You shouls pack the kids up and leave or either put him out out until he gets his act together. Or you could just tell his mom. LOL

Answer 5

It sounds like you have no communication at all. You were right to tell him what you did. I would have said the same thing. Might as well live separate lives in the same house. You both need to take a day off together and go somewhere together. Somewhere you have never been before and nobody knows you or where you are. Talk things out and if that doesn't work, then get divorced and hit him up for child support.

Answer 6

START TAKING STEPS NOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF......Heres how. HAve all importants docs you may need in an envelope and ready. Start tucking away as much money as you can each week. Apply for cr cards in your name only, this will give you emergency money and help develope your credit.

Sit and write a list of what he has been doing and when he has been coming home....present him with it and tell him that he is going to grow up and be a husband and daddy or he needs to pack and leave. Tell him you are willing to go to marriage counseling to help But that a marriage takes TWO people.

You need to make a list of his comings and goings so that he will see and maybe notice how outrageous his behavior is for a married man w kids. Also, if it comes to it, your divorce atty would like to have a list like this.

Good luck...I wish that I could help more....fact is that you can put 110% into this marriage and as long as he only puts in his 10 cents worth, it isnt gonna last...how could and and why would you want to....you and your children deserve better and more...

Answer 7

first of all....the fact that he is going out like that is not the problem, he is going out like that BECAUSE of a problem. And you cannot TELL him...or really even ask him to be home at a certain time...I'm sure he doesn't need a second mother. sounds like he feels he's in a damned if he does, damned if he doesn't kind of situation. If you guys are not getting along very well when he is at home, why would he want to come home when you ask him to. You guys need to sit down and get to the root of the problem. How long has he been acting this way? Since the new baby...? Maybe he is tired, or stressed out about work. You are busier, and more stressed out, now that there are two children. Maybe you are taking it out on him and don't even realize it. Maybe your "venting" or talking to him about your day or your problems is coming across to him as bit**ing....I'm not saying you are to blame or anything like that...I'm just playing the devil's advocate, so to speak...I would be upset in your shoes too.

Answer 8

He sounds like an immature, selfish little boy. For awhile, you could feign indifference, and act like you don't give a crap what he does. Focus on your kids AND yourself. Pamper yourself a little. Dress nicely and do your makeup the way you like to do it every single day. If he doesn't see that he's screwing up with a good mother and wonderful wife after all that...do give him an ultimatum, but make it more like "Well, I'm done with you, so either you can leave or give me a huge settlement and another house, and I will leave...with the kids." He is not worth it. Let him go play in the sandbox, and make a life for yourself and your kids (and someone great will find you).

Answer 9

Look, you are trying too hard to be controlling, and men resent that. If you need help with the kids, then ask him to do whatever that is and let him know that you want to spend some quality time with him too. If he's spending most of his spare time with friends, then let him know that you'd appreciate going to a movie or dinner now and then. Just don't continue to complain, because you will cause him to continue to defy your requests. If you go about it differently and not sound like his boss, things may work out.

Answer 10

it's hard to hear this, but i think you should consider divorce if you are unhappy. Mariage is not suposed to be a trap or something you feel obligated to .. it should be pleasurable. I think you should have a talk with him. Like seriously, and explain to him why you are so sad. It's harder cause you have 2 children, but if you don't love him, or whatever , you should do you both a favour and split up. I'm not saying that because of that reason you should get him divorced. But you really seem sad, and he needs to value you. Cause you are there and he just leavse. LKike everyone needs friends, but it would be better if he knew how to manage his time better.
I think this is kinda confusing.. sorry.. but i hope it helped..

Answer 11

oh no no no girl,see u need to tell him that this stuff isnt goin to work, he needs to take the kids for a wk and u go out everyday n i dont believe he is golfing everday either u need to check that out like go spy on him see if he is really doing it or doing someone else see his buddies have told him that he is a punk for lettin u run his life so he is goin to test it n see what he can get away with, tell him it either stops or he can get his stuff n get out.girl u dont need no man to take care of urself n ur kids. n he isnt bein a father right now so why put up with it. u take a wk to go out n see how he likes it. see and what u do is say "honey watch the kids im goin to the store" and u go out with ur friends, u can call him say u ran into ur friends n ur goin out for awhile and dont give him time to say anything just hang up dont tell him where u at so he cant come dump the kids off on ya either.. let me know what happens i bet he gets his act together now it might get worse b4 it gets betta but u threatn to put him out he will straighten up and burn a few clothes of his in the front yard n lock him out too he will get the point that u mean business. i done it n mine hasnt acted up for 8 yrs (been together 13)