I am involved with a man who is about to be divorced in a week. We have had our ups and downs, and he wants to be with me long term, but of late, I feel he has way too much on his plate and that I should back away, well I have been wanting to talk with him, but to no avail, so I have been hiding a secret from him, I am a month pregnant and its his, but I don't want to force him to be with me or feel that he has to do anything. He has enough already to deal with, his family problems, divorce, custody of boys, am I wrong for not telling him, this is how much i love him.....
2006-07-24 05:37:00 · 10 answers · asked by angel_fire_2149 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've been here. Not what I think of as a picnic either. My situation was that I was in the middle of an ugly divorce and I met my current husband. I got pregnant right away and already had one child with my ex. I was unsure whether to tell my current husband about the pregnancy because we had only been together a few weeks. (LONG STORY). The difference is that I KNEW from the moment I met him that we would be long term and that I would eventually end up marrying him. Sometimes you just KNOW what you without explanation. I sat him down and told him exactly what I felt and, of coarse, gave him the news. The reality is this. You have to tell him. It is wrong not to. Only HE can choose what to do with the information. I can tell you that while I was going through MY divorce, the LAST thing I needed was another pregnancy to complicate matters. BUT, that did not stop me from doing the right thing. I told him and let him decide what to do with the information. I loved my current husband (boyfriend at the time) so much that I knew he needed to know, despite my fear of the result. I had to leave it up to him what HE would do. He stayed. I flat out told him that despite the pregnancy and given the short time we had been together, that I would NOT hold him to marrying me or what ever. I gave him complete freedom to make his own choices and told him as much. He asked me what I wanted to do and all I would tell him was that I did not believe in destroying pregnancies so I was having the child no matter what. That was the only part I played in the decision. I refused to tell him what I wanted him to do. I refused to help him make his decision except in telling him that I loved him and would respect what ever decision he made. I made it very clear that I was not going to do anything that would make it look like I was trying to trap him into anything he did not want. That is really all you can do. Good luck! If he loves you, he will make the right choice for you. Either way, he will make the right choice for him.
2006-07-24 06:10:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
lady, get a saline abortion. Your future with this guy is not going to happen, and you sure as hell cannot expect a successful relationship to occur based upon entrapment. Further, a child has the right to have a loving set of parents. And if this is not enough, there is no worse life that being a single parent. You are carrying a zygote -- a clump of cells that is not evem considered human, it only has the chance to become human, just as you have a chance to learn chinese. You not only should keep this to yourself, you should protect everyone involved, including your soon to be ex boyfriend. Learn from this experience, sweetie. This is a problem with no really great solution, only one that is better than the alternative. Don't wait too long, or the problem just becomes bigger..... Good luck..... Do you know what they call people who do not use birth control???? parents. At this time in your life, you do not wish to be one, and it would be unfair to a future child.
2006-07-24 05:48:15 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't listen to the perfect person who left the first "answer". They just ASSUMED you "stole" him from his rotten wife. He could've been separated for YEARS (and living in the same house but living separately). Your question also does not state anywhere that you two ARE BREAKING UP...you said "back away", which means giving him a little SPACE. Duh. I was stressed when I went through my divorce, but I still wanted to be with my partner!!! Anyhow, you should wait until you've past the point where you can miscarry...12 weeks/first trimester. He will be stressed, but he already wants to be with you, and I believe he will stand by you. You will need to tell him. It's fair for him to know, but I suggest that waiting period to make sure you don't lose the baby anyhow. It's a bit of a tricky time in a pregnancy. Good luck! True love rules!!
2006-07-24 05:45:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl. You give women a bad name! Messing with a married man, getting pregnant by him? What were you thinking?
So, you want your illegitimate child to be raised without a father, just like his first two boys will be???
GET SOME SENSE INTO YOUR HEAD! Tell him. If you don't want to be with him, move on, but your story makes me sad.
The BEST thing you can do now, is get ready for putting your child up for adoption to a FAMILY with a MOTHER AND A FATHER, so your child doesn't end up screwed up!
2006-07-24 05:41:39 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Saffire♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell the man, he's only going to put it on his list of responsibilities to handle. Was the divorce before you or after you? This makes a difference on how it will be excepted.
2006-07-24 06:35:26 · answer #5 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What do you want to do? If you don't want to have the baby then don't. If you want it then have it. If you wanted to back away from him because of his situation before being pregnant wont change anything. Make your decision and then tell him and do it soon.
2006-07-24 05:43:36 · answer #6 · answered by ms_sweet_real 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you are wrong for not telling him. How do you know he can't handle it? Besides, if his knowing about the baby makes a difference in what life choices he makes then thats all the more reason to tell him.
I say tell him...
2006-07-24 05:57:09 · answer #7 · answered by Sharlala 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't keep the secret, you need to tell him, this will effect his life as much as it will yours, but if he does in fact love you and wants to be with you then it will work out...it is best to tell him now, he may resent you for not telling him...
2006-07-24 06:40:32 · answer #8 · answered by nknicolek 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well wait al ittle longer, wait and see if the divorce will be final for certain. are you and him seeing each other? or just sleeping together? he needs to know its his child but maybe wait a little longer.
2006-07-24 05:58:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you love him you will tell him and let him make his own decisions about his life.
2006-07-24 05:43:51 · answer #10 · answered by mimismom 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋