I didn't live it up much during college and so after college I indulged and went wild and in the process started loosening up my sexual preferences. I did sleep with a few guys during that short period. It's not something I do anymore because I don't want to further complicate the issue. None of my friends or family knows about what I did. I'm not in a long term relationship right now, but am worried about how to handle this issue when I do find someone I want to be committed to and get serious with.
Ideally, I'd like to find a someone who I could share this with and who wouldn't judge me or use it as leverage against me, but instead understand and be accepting of it. Should I hope the issue goes away and risk exposure down the road or should I bring it up with my partners as a proactive step?
2006-07-24 05:26:42 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I'm a male in my late twenties.
2006-07-24 05:45:25 · update #1
Unable to tell if you are male or female, guessing male.
Either way, First you have to recognise who you are and what your sexual orientation is.
"It's not something I do anymore because I don't want to further complicate the issue"
It's not a matter of complication it's a matter of recognising who you are. God forbid that you are gay and in denial...the damage that you would do to your life, your wife's life and that of both your families is immeasurable (never mind the angst and guilt if there should be kids involved).
"Should I hope the issue goes away and risk exposure down the road or should I bring it up with my partners as a proactive step?"
As long as you are free from STDs, there is no reason to mention it - other than you may wish to. I would urge that if you are serious with someone that you do mention it. Honesty and Trust being key to maintaining any relationship.
I'm naturally Bi and all my partners (since the time I recognised that I was Bi) have been aware, at the outset. There is a matter of trust and an understanding that you are prepared to devote yourself to the person that you are with.
If you want to take this offline, feel free to contact me via my profile page.
Best regards
2006-07-24 05:44:21 · answer #1 · answered by unclefrunk 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm not exactly sure what your sexual preference is, but I'm assuming that you're a guy. You say that you went wild, since you didn't do much of it in college. I think you need to make sure that it was just a phase and not a preference that you'll have later. some people go thru an experimental sexual phase. I'd hate to see you get involved with a girl you really like and then an urge to sleep with a man comes into play. If you're bi-sexual, than you need to let the girls you date know that. There are so many std's out there and you should be honest with someone, if you had a gay encounter. That way nobody will get hurt later down the road and it will be their decision, if they want to take the relationship further. That's the mature thing to do and as a woman, I would want that honesty and respect you for it.
2006-07-24 05:50:33 · answer #2 · answered by mangosmoothie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are Catholic, go to confession. Anything you say will stay right there inbetween you and the priest.
If you find a life time partner - I'd bring it up. You can mention how you went through a curiousity phase and now it is over. Other than that, why do they need to know?
Many people have tried homosexual sex. Don't worry about it. Move on.
If you think you still might want homosexual sex go search the internet for a gay lesbian center near you. Most metro areas have them. They often have coming out support groups. They could refer you to a therapist maybe.
Best wishes.
2006-07-24 07:29:11 · answer #3 · answered by Think.for.your.self 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just wondering, are you gay and are trying to be straight because it's "easier"? If so, that won't work (trust me!)
But if you are bisexual or straight but experimental, then I'd probably wouldn't say much of anything at first. Just kind feel it out at first, give it some time and see if the relationship goes anywhere before saying something.
Some girls might get scared away but then again, would you want to be with someone so closedminded? I think if you found someone who was openminded about it and was fine with it, well that's the best kind of person to be with (my husband and I are like that)! Good luck!
2006-07-24 07:27:34 · answer #4 · answered by spike_is_my_evil_vampire 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is important that you be open and honest in any relationship. It's okay to be yourself and your partner(s) should be accepting of you no matter what. If you are bi-sexual than let them no that from the get go. If you are a lesbian with bi-sexual tendencies than tell them that. Be proactive and things will work out better in the long run. I would hate to see you hide your past, get really attached to someone, and then have your heart broken because they are closed minded and feel betrayed.
2006-07-24 05:33:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's not a part of your life, and there's no lasting repurcussions. (ie:std's) then I'd not bother bringing it up. Unless they ask of course. If you're looking for a lady who's cool with it, I'd keep it mum untill they get to know you a little bit, and you have a better read on what they're likely to think about it. In general, I think you'll have better luck with a woman who's o.k. with the idea of guys together. If you DO get serious and it comes up, it's less likely to be a "deal breaker"
2006-07-24 11:57:59 · answer #6 · answered by Dell W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I face the same issue. How do I tell someone that I want a relationship with that I have slept with over a thousand people by the time I am 20.
If they really love you then it shouldn't make a diff.
2006-07-24 10:16:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hell yeah, sure tell her...i mean i can only see it from my point of view but i've always liked hearing about who my partner was with before me, it is interesting and makes you get to know the person better. well on the other hand if you're lucky she might even take advantage of it and you might be able to have some great threesomes, why not go for it? someone who would not understand or accept it is just not worth it... i for myself actually in general prefer bisexual partners, it makes it easier, especially in polyamorous relationships...
2006-07-25 01:44:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that there we all have pasts. Period, and the key word here is "we." There is NO reason anyone needs know about what you have done in your life, any more than you need to know about your partner's past. I assume you have negative HIV tests, so leave it alone. Good luck
2006-07-24 06:53:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think there is no need to tell your friend and family unless you feel comfortable doing it. With any women that you are dating now or in the future it should be a problem unless you feel like you might need to go back to that life style. but if you can look her in the eye and say now worries then you should tell her. It shouldn't matter that much. if they care about you. unless there really strict Christan ( my family)
2006-07-24 05:54:14 · answer #10 · answered by scared2fly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋