Things with by BF have improved, but.....?

Question

My BF's son has been behaving much better..and so is my BF, lol. (He said he had a long, long talk with him and told him if he did not behave he would NOT come visit, no more discussion. He has finally done his job as a parent, and at first I was glad, but now I am like why didint he do this sooner?? Why did I have to go thru a year of hell with his son?? I really hope he dosen't think I am going to let the kid move in now because he behaved for 2 weekends. He told the boy(without asking me) that he could come stay here for a week to 10 days. I told him that I was on vacation this week and while the boy was behaving great, I would like a few days of peace and quiet. I could tell he wasnt happy about it, but the kid went home Monday night. Another thing..the boy has been HORRIBLE to his mother the past few weeks. He swore at her, she lost her cool and spanked him. My BF is driving now, has his truck and was right near their house when it happened so he went there and talked to them.

The boy was waiting outside, suitcase in hand, when he got there. He ended up staying with his Mom. He was also nasty to his grandmother a few days before that.. Why am I saying all this? I am afraid if he moves in here he will think he is "home safe"get nasty with me again.....my BF needs to do more for the kid...yes that is a BF problem, but it dosen't change the fact that the kid is unstable. Things are much better, actually improved 100%..but I still hear that tick tick tick of something waiting to go off when the kid is here. I can't instanly forget this kid telling me to shut the F___ up, being called other nasty names, being shoved, etc, overnight. My relationship with my parents has improved greatly, and I have discussed this with them. My Mom said she feels bad that there is something wrong with the kid, but he should not be allowed to take things out on me and I agree. She also agrees not to let the kid move iI have also talked to my BF about checking with BEFORE making plans

I have tried to give the kid a stable life but my BF sometimes still becomes defensive or minmizes the situation when I try to correct the kids behavior.

Answer 1

He feels like he is doing the right thing by talking to him. He probably didn't even think that his son was out of control until you said something to him. You want to put your foot down and keep it down with this one. Don't let him get away with anything. If he comes to stay with you then you need to have a chit chat with him. Just tell him the way it will be and if he doesn't like it then he knows where the door back to his moms house is. Usually you have to lay down the law to get the attention of a child.

good luck!! chin up!

Answer 2

Ok... I hear what you are saying, but let me speak frankly... so far all I get from your message is about you... even though the entire message is about your boyfriend's son, its really about you... about how you feel about having his son around. I am hearing in between the lines that you maybe resent having his son around at all, and especially when dad isnt there... i think that boy picks up on that.. not to mention it sounds to me like that child has some unresolved anger, and is acting out.....
while I completely agree that he should respect you, and behave himself in your home, i get the feeling that you are seriously holding resentment towards him and that wont make a relationship work either. Ok so he put you through a year of hell... but it amazes me that after a year with this child that you still refer to him as "the kid"... that itself speaks volumes to me....
you have to remember...he is a kid.
you are an adult... you apparently fought to have his dad step up to the plate and start being his parent, and now you act as though you are "burdened" with the fact that it took a year for his dad to get his head together..
i do agree with your mom... something is wrong with that child, and you probably have a much better idea as to whats going on than we do, so somebody needs to see beyond the end of thier own nose and reach out and help him.... otherwise things will only get worse over time....

Answer 3

You refer to your boyfriend's son as "the kid".....you have the opportunity to be a positive influence on this child, and if you choose to be with his father, why not make the best of it and be nice to him and loving? I have a stepson and no, it wasn't easy at first, but I chose to be with his father and he is 12 years old now and knows I don't tolerate crap and is VERY respectful to me and his dad and isn't with his mom and her husband. That's because he knows he'll be punished if he backtalks or swears or anything bad here. I met him when he was 9 and demanded respect from day one and there was a bit of a struggle to start, but I couldn't ask for a better stepson.

It's hard to be a part time father and the fact that it took him so long to do something about the problem is probably because he has limited time with his son and doesn't want to spend it on his a$$....wants visits to be pleasant. And don't ever expect him to choose you over his son, cuz it won't happen, and even if it did, who would want a guy like that.....

Answer 4

ok question for you? You are so wrapped up in what this kid could do that you haven't taken the time to say anything positive about how he has behaved in your home. And why can't he come stay with you? You said yourself he is in an unstable life did you ever think you and your bf could give him a stable life and a chance in life?

Answer 5

Move out. Seriously, this kid is at an age where he needs to be stable with his dad, learning how to become a man. He doesn't need daddy's girlfriend bossing him around. You have no power. You're not his step mother. You're nothing to him but the chick banging his dad.

The kid's life is in a shambles, and you're whining because it affects you. Your boyfriend needs to be a good father more than he needs to be your boyfriend.