I didn't live it up much during college and so after college I indulged and went wild and in the process started loosening up my sexual preferences. I did sleep with a few guys during that short period. It's not something I do anymore because I don't want to further complicate the issue. None of my friends or family knows about what I did. I'm not in a long term relationship right now, but am worried about how to handle this issue when I do find someone I want to be committed to and get serious with.
Ideally, I'd like to find a someone who I could share this with and who wouldn't judge me or use it as leverage against me, but instead understand and be accepting of it. Should I hope the issue goes away and risk exposure down the road or should I bring it up with my partners as a proactive step?
2006-07-24 05:26:01 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm a male in my late twenties.
2006-07-24 05:45:44 · update #1
It's not really the exposure of your younger experimental years that perhaps you should be worried about, but rather the health risks that might be involved. I'm not suggesting that you didn't practice safe sex, but with any partner, male or female, you should be tested for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. What you did in your past is your own business, and whether or not you choose to tell your current partner about that is for you to decide. What is not for you to choose is to practice safe sex with your current partner and be sure that there are no health risks involved. Some people mistakenly identify HIV as a "gay" disease. If those tiny-minded people would actually look at the statistics, the highest population is actually in hetero females. Wake up folks. It's not just the gay community you have to be concerned with, it's everyone. If you keep thinking "it's not going to happen to me" and don't wear protection, then you're going to find yourself in a bad situation. Get tested, even if you "don't think you need it." There are plenty of services out there that will test you for free and it's anonymous. I get tested every six months whether I need it or not. And I'm a librarian! If I can do it, so can you! (Okay, I'll get off my soapbox now). If you've been tested and are practicing safe sex techniques, then there isn't a massive reason to bring up your "sordid" past, other than just being completely honest with them.
I happy to see that you're viewing telling your partners as a proactive step. In my humble opinion I feel that because you've been interested in "alternative" lovers in the past, you should tell your partners about it for one simple reason - you may find yourself craving it again someday. I'm not suggesting you ultimately will turn to the desire for male partners again, but it seems to me that the interest is still there however latent. Wouldn't it be much more fulfilling to find a mate that is willing to understand why occasionally you check out guys, or come home with some man on man porn? If you can find a person who is open and accepting of all forms of sexuality I think you'll have a much better relationship. Feeling like this is a blemish on your relationship record is not how you should approach it. There's nothing wrong with finding another man attractive. We all love in various ways, and if you find a partner who understands this, then you'll find the happiness you deserve.
Bottom line: if you're healthy, then go find someone to make you happy.
2006-07-24 05:38:15 · answer #1 · answered by bibliophile_1976 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm not exactly sure what your sexual preference is, but I'm assuming that you're a guy. You say that you went wild, since you didn't do much of it in college. I think you need to make sure that it was just a phase and not a preference that you'll have later. some people go thru an experimental sexual phase. I'd hate to see you get involved with a girl you really like and then an urge to sleep with a man comes into play. If you're bi-sexual, than you need to let the girls you date know that. There are so many std's out there and you should be honest with someone, if you had a gay encounter. That way nobody will get hurt later down the road and it will be their decision, if they want to take the relationship further. That's the mature thing to do and as a woman, I would want that honesty and respect you for it.
2016-03-27 05:07:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Girls definitely need to know this sort of thing because AIDS is a big part of the gay community and I would want someone to be honest with me about an issue like this. However, It would not change anything. If I liked you before you told me, I would still like you. Our sex would just be very very very protected.
2006-07-24 05:35:15 · answer #3 · answered by Silly KeKe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you been checked for std's? If not, do so. If you have and are clean, there's really no reason to divulge that information. It'd be great to find a girl that wouldn't judge you, but unfortunately two women experimenting is much more accepted than two men. I have to say if my husband told me that years ago he slept with men, I would be very uneasy about that.....and I love him to bits.
2006-07-24 06:22:25 · answer #4 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure you have a clean bill of health before you mess with anyone, male or female.
If you clear AIDS , then keep your mouth shut! What you did then has nothing to do with who you are now. It's not her business!
Has it occurred to you that many girls have temporary physical attractions and often sex play with other girls in college or high school?
Hope you are clean health wise..then forget it!
2006-07-24 05:36:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the "someone" you find is a guy!
If not, you have to tell her. All "secrets" have their own way to reveal themselves and how would you like when your girl/wife comes up to you and asks the question?
It's better if she knows and when some "friend" tells her, she can just smile and say "I know and why do you tell me?" Imagine the embarrassed look on their face!
2006-07-24 05:41:03 · answer #6 · answered by ranietsd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should let her know some STD's lay dormant for years and years.That way she can decide if being with you is worth the risk.
2006-07-24 05:32:25 · answer #7 · answered by Lilly K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should find someone that you fall madly in love with/head over heels in love. and then share your deepest secrets with her but make sure you do it gently but remember dont tell her to fast and try and get something out of her like that.
2006-07-24 15:55:10 · answer #8 · answered by Courtney 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, nasty dude! What girl would want you now? You're gonna have to live with your gay mistake for the rest of your life.
2006-07-24 05:30:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, and get tested for STD and HIV too
2006-07-24 05:38:13 · answer #10 · answered by bad_bob_69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋