How do you know when it's really over?

Question

I love my husband. We have a hard time communicating with each other w/o fighting. He is very controling, and has very high expectations of me. I am not allowed to have any expectations of him. He feels that if he works & brings home a paycheck that is enough. I also have a job, and all the responsibilities of running a household. I forgot to buy razors, now he says he can't live with me anymore... I know it's not the razors. How do I get him to talk to me without yelling??

Answer 1

My husband sounds a lot like yours. I could give him the world and he still wouldn't be happy with me. And when you try to talk, just talk, to him about life in general they either don't give a crap about what your saying or they'll start a big fight over nothing. It is actually never going to change you just have to learn to put up with it. Or suggest going to counseling so you can figure out why he reacts this way for no reason. Me and my husband went to counseling for a year and it worked for a while but I think counseling is beyond my husbands issues, and they are now mine too. Good Luck honey this is a hard one. But if you love the man don't give up on him. Thats the worst you could do unless you get real fed up with it.

Answer 2

The problem is much deeper than that razor. The sad part is that U still love him and will do whatever to make this unhealthy relationship work. I think U should write him a letter although I think saying it to his face is much more meaningful than writing but when all the screaming and yelling takes place nothing will be heard. Write it all down and add questions like do U really want me or not. Compromise and communication is the best thing for any relationship. Give him and opportunity to answer but let him know in the letter that U want this to be a nice and quiet talk when he gets reay to answer. Good Luck, this is a tough one!!

Answer 3

If you are really willing to make an effort (show it, not just say it), then go to counseling. Family therapy works very well as long as both of you are ready to deal with the situation. If you believe nothing is going to change, trust your instinct.

He is not validating you and probably not giving you all the respect that you want...this is why you are probably having problems communicating. The razor thing is just an issue, it's not the cause. You need to dig deep and find it. I would again suggest to do it with a therapist, that way it won't get out of hand.

Good Luck

Answer 4

He must have a stressful job or doesn't get along with some co-workers. For this reason I think that he has so much expectations from you. You should sit down and talk it over. If one yells have a break and try again. till this issue is solved.. When I do shopping I get 2 of everything so that I don't run out.
You can't always take the blame, he should also contribute on somethings and not expect so much of you.
good luck. PS...Its over when he sleeps on the couch.So you still have chance to sort things out.

Answer 5

get counseling now...both of you, together and possibly individually. If he refuses tell him that the way things are are not tolerable for you and that you will be forced to leave if he will not meet you half way in life.

If I were you I would start doing things that will take care of you in case this doesnt work. Tuck away a little money each week from your paycheck. Get cr cards in your name only. That way you will have emergency money and will develope your own line fo credit. Have all of your important docs together in an envelope and start thinking about a place that you could go....a friend or keep saving till you have deposit on an apartment.

If you want to stay with him and try to work it out that is good, but you need to make sure that YOU are protected and will be ok on your own.

Answer 6

Ok.You say u love ur husband.Ask ur husband sometime,if he loves u as u do.Love cant be onesided.Maybe he is taking u for granted as u are fulfilling his every wish even before he expects.Women can be demanding too.Act,if not be,demanding,and see the difference.Be assertive,not submissive at this stage when he is behaving childish.Do not succumb to whatever he says otherwise u'll face these situations on and often.Stress u have many responsibilities,if he wants u to remember his razors,he has to let u sit at home and he work alone.

Answer 7

You know it's really over when you let another person degrade you and lower your self-confidence. When you feel like you could be this miserable and lonely by yourself.... it's probably time that you are. I'm not one for divorce, but I sure wouldn't be one of those people who stay in it "for the kids". Then they have to watch you two go around and around. I wouldn't stick around "hoping it will get better" cause it won't. If my ol' man got on me about razors... I'd be crude enough to say " YA WANT SOMETHING DONE RIGHT- DO IT YOURSELF". What is the worst thing that would happen if he wasn't around to disrespect you and take advantage? He sounds alot like my husband... and these are the questions I am currently asking myself.

Answer 8

Been there. Not married, but I lived with a girl that had a LOT of issues, and anger management was one of them. It's not about the razors, it's about control, and making you feel bad, and that you owe them. One day she told me to get out. I had left a couple of times before, and went back. This time I didn't go back, even though I wanted to go back - God only knows why. But I didn't; best decision I ever made.

Answer 9

Sounds like there is alot more going on than razors. If he does not feel like he is getting what he emotionally needs he will act this way. On the other hand, If you don't feel like you are getting what you need, in turn you will not give him what he needs. Sometimes it isn't even purposely done. Ask him what is it that he needs from you that he isn't getting that should open up some dialog, then you can express your feelings too. Stay prayerful.

Answer 10

Sit and turn off the tv and ask him if you can talk. tell him the second he starts yelling, you will walk out the door and not come back until he will talk calmly to you. Explain how he is making you feel, and let him know that this isn't how you want to live your life. If he responds in a positive way, it's workable. If he freaks out again, it may not have a chance. Best of luck to you.