Two years ago My g/f, if I ever say I've felt love before it is w/ her, moved me 200 miles away and cheated and broke my heart. Well at one point I didn't have any place to go, me and my dog. So this male friend took me and my dog in. Well, eventually, I thought, "I hadn't been w/ a guy in 5 years I'll try this again." Well shortly after that I got pregnant. So needless to say I am still in this for my son, whom I love w/ all my heart. I don't know what to do. I am dying inside. The only thing keeping me going is my son. I want to get back to my normal lifestyle. But I can't get his father to leave and also I feel guilty because of my son. I'm at my witts end and don't know what to do. His father is not hanging around for his son. He is hanging on for me. But he knows I am not sexually attracted to him nor want to be w/ him. I'm stuck and don't know what to do. Any suggestions? How do you break away from someone that you have a child with?
2006-07-24 04:29:37 · 18 answers · asked by Sapiosexual 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Hello,
I understand what you are saying, alot of people who have answer you question, don't understand how you are feeling at all and think you are beening unfair to your kid, for wanting someone to love you and make you feel you are the most important person in the world, you only have 1 LIFE, and its your, live if the way you want and do what makes you happy. fellow your heart you can never go wrong. You should not feel guilty because of your son, what makes you happy makes him happy, and kids like to see their mother happy not SAD, and lets face it you are sad. Man will hang around only want one thing SEX, any hold is a goal, {Not benning funny} he doesn't care about or that you are gay and that you want a woman they don't see it as sex with a woman, just think you have a bit of fanny fun. BUT MAN WE DO HAVE SEX. You Need to go to the Council, and tell them that you are know longer together and you have know where to go, they will have to house you. And for the time you will have to go on DSS. To get by and build your life again. You need to meet more gay woman and gay mothers too. Ive been gay for10 years now and I'm married to a woman and I'm so so so so happy. And that's what i wish for you. you can contact me anytime and ask anything. From Gay woman.
2006-07-24 05:37:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is such a sad and difficult situation. From your question I take it that you lean more towards being a lesbian as apposed to being bi-sexual. I am sure there must be some way you can escape this horrible situation that you find yourself in. Why don't you go on line and look for lesbian/gay bars or the like in your area. Maybe you could get a reliable babysitter and go to one of the bars to meet new friends, there are probably lots of people in similar situations and I bet you'd find that your new friends will welcome you with open arms. Most areas also have lesbian/gay helplines that you could call for some local information. You need to go to the local council and explain the situation that you are in and request urgent re-housing.
It is obvious that your son must come first, however you must have a life too otherwise in time you may end up resenting him.
When you find new friends if I were you I wouldn't jump into a new relationship, which sometimes is very easily done when things are such a mess in ones life. Try to get your life back on track before you consider having another relationship.
I wish you all the very best and please try to keep smiling.
2006-07-24 11:44:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in your shoes and trying to get out of a marriage/relationship is difficult for more reasons than one. The first thing you have to remember is this: YOU ARE A MOM FIRST! Once that child was conceived he became your first priority. The second thing you need to keep in mind is that you can NOT be an effective mother when you are living in misery and unhappiness. When this happens you can not help but be somewhat consumed by your own unhappiness. My suggestion is this...You need to take steps to get out of the relationship yourself. If your boyfriend/spouse will not leave then it's up to you to take these steps. If finances are an issue then it may take a little longer. However, there ARE programs that help single mothers find housing. It will take some effort on your part as you can not expect this to just fall in your lap. Start with your local Social Services department. They can guide you to some housing agencies. Please keep in mind that not all government housing is bad!!! It may be income based and it may not be the flashiest apartment or home but it's a start until you can get on your feet. If you don't have a job...get one. There is no excuse for unemployment in my opinion. (I'm sorry if that sounded harsh.) You can not give your child an emotionally healthy life if you yourself are not emotionally healthy. A sour relationship can kill your emotional well being in no time at all. My friend, I've been there and I know!!! If you need a friend, send me a message. I'll be glad to help you anyway I can.
2006-07-24 11:40:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be able to live your happily regardless of who's around, as long as no one is getting hurt! You should move somewhere different and start a new life, that's not saying your child's father shouldn't be in his life, but you have to do what makes you feel good inside. Listen, we come into this world, and we die alone. How would you feel when you are in elderly years, knowing that you didn't live your life to the fullest with real love in your heart. You would die a very lonely and unhappy person. Your boyfriend has to realize, that things will only get worse if you don't do what you want.
2006-07-24 15:35:35 · answer #4 · answered by graciefaith1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since I don't know exactly where you are located I can not be of specific help. Has the father ever been abusive towards you physically or emotionally. This would include forcing sex upon you. MArried or not NO means NO. If any of this is the case then I can suggest trying to find your local battered womens shetler and asking them for help. Even if they can not help you specifically they may be able to put you in touch with someone who can. The other option is seeking out the help of a church you may attend. Often they knwo where one can find help.
It is clear that you need to leave this man. You need to find a way to save money so you and your son can break free of him and make your own life. Good Luck
2006-07-24 11:41:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well honey I'm tha mother of 4 by 1 person an no we r not 2gether because he was an ***,But iI tried for 4 very long yrs.I only stayed 4 my kids so we could b a family.An It was tha worst thing I could'a eva did cause I wasnt happy at all an me unhappy made my children unhappy,Believe on not sweetheart u're son feels what u do when u do.So if u aint happy then please leave.An as far as u likin women an havin a child,well I like gyrls 2 an I got 3 more than u an 1 is a gyrl.think bout it....
2006-07-24 17:35:04 · answer #6 · answered by sophatup 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a difficult one, I think that maybe your son is your survival, your savior, the person that will keep you away from the lifestyle you had. I don't have any problems with gay people. You have a son with this man, and if the 2 of you want to work out things and be together for the sake of your boy, then do it, and if you give in 100%, it will work, I believe it. Please don't deny your son a family just because you want to go back to your old ways. We do whatever it takes for the ones be bring into this world, you boy didn't asked to be in the world, but you brought him into this cruel world, and it is your job to secure happiness and a warm home for him, thin about him and not you.
2006-07-24 12:05:16 · answer #7 · answered by Soldier 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you may not be happy, but he does not beat you, he loves you, he loves the child, and basically even though your heart breaks, you don't have it that bad.
Are you married? if not you can take the child and leave. No law says you cannot strike out on your own and find happiness. If your baby is young enough under the age of five, starting over will not traumatize the child, visitation is always a possibility, you are not stuck unless you want to be.
2006-07-24 12:00:33 · answer #8 · answered by ROBIN C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the very reason people should be more careful when "making the child."
If it is possible for you to become pregnant, you should not be having sexual relations with anybody you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life with. If you do, and you have a baby, you are linked with that person forever.
If you are having sex with somebody you don't know if you would want to be linked to for the rest of your life, you should be using at least TWO forms of birth control.
Prevention is the only way to avoid this situation.
Its not something you can fix afterward.
2006-07-24 11:40:18 · answer #9 · answered by Dustin Lochart 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a child with him, you will never be able to break away from him ...you can leave him, but he will be in your life forever now....To stay for your son is a mistake. Do you think that your son cannot pick up on the fact that you are not happy?
2006-07-24 13:16:08 · answer #10 · answered by M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋