How long does it usually take to recover?

Question

I caught my ex cheating on me. We lived together, we dated for a few years, he brought it into the bed we shared. It has been a little over a year since, I will never be with him again. Im stilll bitter towards it. He is still my brothers best friend. How long does something like this take to recover?

Answer 1

Everyone is different. People don't seem to realize the devastating toll that infidelity (physical & emotional) takes. Your trust is shattered, your self-esteem lowered, and the love you once felt for that person is strained usually to the breaking point.

Take time for yourself -- let the wounds heal and rebuild your sense of self-worth. Good luck.

Answer 2

Does your brother know he cheated on you? If so then your brother is very insensitive. As for healing, everyone is different. Some people rebound in a few weeks and for others it takes a few years. But for others they never get over it. The best thing I can say to help you out is to forgive this person although he is the one who was wrong. You dont want to take this kind of baggage with you into a relationship you develop with someone else.

Answer 3

Your story looks a lot like what I went through a year ago. I know it's hard but each day it will get easier. I don't think any of us truly recover because every heartbreak leaves our heart a little scarred. Just keep your head held high and know in your heart that if he cheated on you after your years together then he didn't love you the way you deserved anyhow. Be Strong!

Answer 4

You may never get over being cheated on by your ex-husband. I don't quite know what you mean when you say "he brought it into the bed we shared;" but I assume you mean that his infidelity affected his relationship with you adversely in that way, not that he brought someone else in to share your bed.

I had an intimate relationship with a woman whose ex-husband did exactly that. He brought a woman in to live with his wife and him, then ignored his wife. She was devastated for a long time after, and I found I needed to help her get over it to have a normal relationship with her. She was a sweet girl and didn't deserve what her husband did to her in this perverse way.

You may be less affected by your husband's infidelity in time, as it will be something that you dwell on less. The intensity of your feelings will ebb until it's just something that only hangs on at the back of your mind.

This was the way it was with my 1st wife, who had been unfaithful, and who announced she would continue to be. I guess I should be thankful that she left me. It's been over 30 years now, but there still lingers all the feelings I had for her, and sometimes I think of her unfaithfulness. It almost killed me for the first few years, as I couldn't think of much else but her. No woman I met or dated could touch me for the bitterness I felt. I finally got over that, and you know all that was left was the love I once had for my wife. Strange isn't it. Once I got to that point I could love someone else.

I hope you can get through your pain, get over your hate--it is hate--start loving yourself again, and love another once more. You can, you know.

Answer 5

Well for one thing that makes me worry about your brother if he would still have him as a best friend.

I don't think people ever 'get over' being really hurt, the pain just lessons with time. I once read how most psychologists will recommend medication if someone is still suffering two months after the loss of a loved one or some other traumatic event - this is total bs, they just want to push drugs. Just keep pushing on, it will get better.

Answer 6

You've got an a**hole of a brother not the stand up for you and tell the other guy he is no longer a friend.

As long as he is around or comes up in a conversation, it will rub your raw nerve. Scars run deep. I still hate a "friend" of mine from 35 years ago and would be very vengefull if I ever saw him again for raping my then fiancee. That relationship ended as well (not a bad thing.)

Answer 7

Sorry to hear that. It sucks, my first "true puppy love" did that to me after we moved in together after high school. I was so bitter for years, but it wasn't until I met the man I would later marry, that I realized it was the best thing that guy could have ever done for me. If he wouldn't have cheated, we would probably be married with a bunch of kids getting nowhere in life. A result of settling, sort of speak.
Best I could say, is to avoid him like the plague!! Imagine him with herpes all over his @ss, and thank him for being a dog, you don't need that kind of guy!!! He gave you the opportunity to better yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

Don't we hate the answers that say, 'It depends'!
Well actually it does.
It depends on the way you tackle this problem. If you hang on to his stupid pictures and try to console yourself with his memory you may never recover, but if you try to live your own life and work toward the higher goals, you'll see that this problem is only a pebble in your way.
So good luck, and keep a healthful diet.

Answer 9

The best thing you can do is just move on. To continue to focus on him gives him power over you. You alone can control what you do. Concentrate on new people and new situations. There's a whole world for you out there that doesn't have to include him!

Answer 10

To "recover"? I don't think you ever really do. You can move on, you can forgive, with counseling and working through whatever issues were in place to cause this, but I don't think you ever fully recover from the pain of betrayal.