If I could turn back the clocks I would, but I have since moved forward and my husband and I have been separated since that time. He has put me through emotional hell for 2 years. My problem is now he wants no more responsibilities for our children. His philosophy.... if this is what I wanted, then he's through with everyone. I am freaking out because my kids need their dad emotionally and financially. How can a parent completely shut the door on their responsibilities? I know he's very hurt by my actions, but will i forever live in pergatory for the horrible mistakes that i created???
2006-07-24 02:36:43 · 14 answers · asked by pinebarrons1 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You've made a mistake, we all make them. Maybe not the same one, but others that are surely as damaging. No, you shouldn't have to pay for it forever. It time for you to look inside yourself and forgive yourself for straying. Then it's time to move on.
As for him not wanting to be a parent any longer, well that's just tough. He can't turn back the clock any more then you can. There is no real way to force him to be involved emotionally. Trust me, I know about this kind of parenting. Yes, it's possible to be the only parent. And yes, it is very difficult. And there will be things that you can't provide them emotionally. But as children grow, they will come to understand that the fault doesn't lie with you, but with their loser father.
Financially, you can take him to court and get child support, medical insurance, and possible spousal mat. (alimony). In most states infidelity isn't grounds for divorce or custody matters.
Hopefully it doesn't come to that. Hopefully he will turn around on his own. If not then it's his loss and Good Luck to you!
2006-07-24 02:51:16 · answer #1 · answered by Mary J 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Time for an attorney to assist with the financial end of things. The children will be his since he was the father until time ends. You and he may not be husband and wife but you won't be the first and you won't be the last. If you can't set down and agree to move forward together then you had better get divorced and move forward. S h i t happens in this old world. I am not casting judgement here but your husband could really consider growing up a little bit. Work out the details and move on with your lives. You both have my best wishes in any case.
2006-07-24 02:54:35 · answer #2 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people can forgive mistakes, other people cannot. Even the best of people will always hold some kind of inner grudge.
He is taking out his anger on the kids because that's the best way to hurt you. That is selfish and irresponsible on his part.
Some anger is acceptable, I mean, you DID destroy the whole damn family. lol...
After a while, you will need to focus on the kids. If he's not going to be a part of them, then do what you need to do to make sure they have the best life possible. If he's not going to help, seek legal counseling to see what you are entitled to in terms of child support.
2006-07-24 02:51:30 · answer #3 · answered by Nightwish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he may be mad at you for the mistakes you made but that gives him no right to take it out on the kids they did nothing they are still his kids.Obviously you guys are probaly getting a divorce and he is still financially responsible for the kids.So go down and file child support against him.So at least the kids are taken care of financially.I dont think he can be forced to do anything else with the kids such as spending time with them or whatever but i would check when you file child support on him.They may set up visitation but if he chooses not to show up i dont think he can get in trouble.That there is his loss and the kids get hurt unfortunatly from his stupidity.I am so sorry gor the kids because of that and they are not going to understand and they may end up needing some counceling through all this.I wish you guys the best of luck i hope all works out for u guys
2006-07-24 02:50:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can't financially deprive the kids. You, yes. The kids, no. If you truly want out, then get out, and take him to court for child support. The law says he has to help with them.
As for the emotional abandonment that he is threatening to imply on them....it will be his loss. Sure, the kids will be so upset, but it will be him that suffers in the long run. Kids are tough, and they will get over it. Who knows...he may be blowing smoke up your butt just to make you feel even worse about what you done.
Call his bluff. There is no sense to stay in a miserable marriage. Don't you think the kids sense the tension and frustration? Do you think you are doing them any good by staying? NOT!
Move on, and move out. If he truly is going to abandon them, well, like I said, his loss.
2006-07-24 02:52:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have had an affair... but you did, and it's in the past. As far as turning his back on the children, then he's apparently not much of a father.
Marriages can come and go, but children are forever.
2006-07-24 02:52:05 · answer #6 · answered by texasrednek2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please do not continue to beat upon yourself. You making a mistake has nothing to do with your husband responsibility to his children. You are not responsible for you husband action. I KNOW that no one can hurt a man or a woman enough for them to turn away from their children. Your husband he turned away from his responsibility not because of you ....that is who he is ....he made that decision. I think that i s the ONLY sin on EARTH is for a Person to walk away from his or her own children no matter what gives..... there is absolulty no excuse NONE!!!!. Let me tell you my story about my father. My father got mentally ill years ago and my mother moved away many time him to hide his children from him because, she believed he might hurt us. My father found us every time and brought our food and money. He would throw it over the fence and runaway because my stepfather would call the police on him ... he never stopped he was always there in spite of his ill health. Now he is 73 and I am trilled to have him live with me in my home. It is all because he never left us .. never turn is back. You do not need to force someone to care for his own seed. The children will do fine believe me ... do not fret yourself and do any thing to please this man. Move on with your wonderful children you will reap the joy in later years .. please believe me ....... you may not understand me now because you are hurting but, just love your children and do your best... Join the Big Brother/ Sister if you see the need.It will work but do not look back......Please !!!!
2006-07-24 03:33:41 · answer #7 · answered by Richgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it's never easy for a partner to forget and forgive epecially if cheat also involves sex...that seems to be your case, so take your responsability.
But regarding kids, i think your ex should reconsider his position because kids haven't done anything wrong and they still love both parents and will forever need love from them. And obviously yr ex has to contributes
Good luck
2006-07-24 03:07:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understqnd his not wanting anything to do with you, but to turn his back on the children of the marriage is a darn shame. You can not make him be a father no matter what. Tell him you will do a DNA test to show him he is the father.
2006-07-24 02:43:09 · answer #9 · answered by usmchawkeye 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you need to apologize to him. Admit that you screwed up big time but that you didn't want him out of his children's lives. There are ways to make it work to where the children don't lose their father. You both need to work things out to help make this easier for both of you. Don't let him leave his children in the dark just because of what you did.
2006-07-24 02:54:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋