Should I wait or move on?

Question

have been with my guy for sometime (6 years), and I am ready to get married and he isn't. He has given me various excuses; first it was "I just got out of school, let me get a job and then once I save up some $ then..." That was about 3 years ago. Now his excuse is that he has saved up enough, and is worried he won't be able to buy a house. I understand a man's need to be stable in his life before he adds on another...but still..

Also, for the past year or so he kept bugging me to move in with him and stay with him and I kept saying no...and then I finally said I am willing to move in, all he has to do is marry me, and then a few weeks later he stopped bugging me...So, when I recently brought up the marriage thing again he was like what's the rush? He said that people who are ready for marriage are people who are ready to move in together and be with each other all the time and stuff, and he thinks we are still young and not settled enough.I am 25 and he is 27 & he has a good job

He also says that he knows he wants to marry me but he says wont be ready to get married until he is in his 30's...and I dunno if I can wait that long...10 years of dating would be to much for me.

And he refuses to get engaged.

Answer 1

You might not want to hear this but here it is. If he is getting milk why marry the cow. He will never be ready for marriage. Move on, move on, move on. Experience talking here. I have a couple i know, friends, who started out like that. They finally faced reality; job, savings, house, **** happens whether you are single or married. Life happens whether or not you are married. If the idiot thinks he can make life 100% secure and then get married you had better get shut of him soonest. I am married, have six daughters (three adopted & three biological), and now have fifteen grandchildren; and if I wrote what life has done to me it would appear under fiction as nobody would believe it possible that I have survived until now. When it comes to life you can only do your best at damage control, keep a sense of humor, and never lose your temper. Good luck and ask if you want further sage advice.

Answer 2

I know this is getting on your last nerves and you probably won't like what I have to say, but I just want to be honest and give you advice. You two have been going out for quite a while and as a woman I know you feel like it's been way past the time to get married. From what I have seen with many relationships the woman wanted to get married and the guy wasn't really sure he was ready. He knew he wanted to be married to this person, but just not yet. These women finally pushed their guys long enough about the marriage thing and when it did hapen they had major problems down the road. This is like 4 different couples i'm talking about too. The men had a lot of resentment toward the women because the all felt like they were pressured. When a man is ready he is absolutely ready. I know in your case you don't want to sit around and wait until he makes up his mind because who knows when that will be, but your not making it any better by pressuring him. If he is telling you he will marry you on such and such date then I can see you getting upset because he's not keeping his word. My boyfriend was married before and he went through the same thing with his ex wife. She pressured him and he didn't want to marry her at that time, he wanted to wait, but he finally gave in. They had major problems in their mariage. He regrets it a lot because he says a man will be much happier in a marriage when he is fully ready, the same applies to any woman too. If your not willing to wait around then that is your decision. I'm not telling you what to do here, I just wanted to tell you what I have seen and heard from people close to me. That doesn't mean you need to wait around for 10 more years. If you feel like you want to be married then you do what you have to do to get there. if you feel like he's a lost cause then maybe you need to move on. Sometimes marriage changes things once you get into it. You don't want any regrets for yourself. I wish you the best!!!

Answer 3

well he is 27 so that is 3 more years til he is 30. I would give him 3 more years if he says something else i would leave him. Tell him well your 30 now and you still making an excuse. why do i bother anymore. I am sorry but this is not going to work out. I want to settle down and you don't and I need some stability since you been finding stabilty for so long and i stook by you. I wanna know if this relationship is going to be stable and going anywhere or why am i wasting my time. so that is what i would do. Just wait 3 more years. If you don't want to wait then Break up and tell him i am sorry but i see us going nowhere and i want to settle down and if you don't i will find someone who will.

Answer 4

If you want to spend close to 10 years on a guy before he's ready to answer the marraige question, then hey...knock yourself out.

10 years.

10 YEARS!!!!!!

lol..

You will have spend 1/3 of your life on a guy who will most likely dump you because you're not what he's looking for.

Seriously...IF he thought you were the one, he would have placed a ring on your hand by now. The fact is...you're both have been dating for so long that he is looking at other options. Maybe not actively, but that's the reason he isn't going to commit.

Answer 5

So Been there..But my man is about 16 years older than me 2 kids and divorced once already,all I can tell you is that Men are very scared of the whole marriage concept they like to play house and all that but when it comes to that one little piece of paper it totally freaks them out.Hopefully he is being sincere that it's because he wants things to be stable,but depending on how much you love him You should wait and make sure his attitude and your relationship is stable.In a relationship it really depends on how bad you want it...HANG IN THERE AND FIGHT FOR IT GIRL.Or give up and move on and start all OVER with somebody and then you gotta teach them just like the years it's taken you to teach the one you already got..So it all comes down to how bad you want it..(Him)..

Answer 6

This guy has control issues. He wants you to move in so you wont be in such a rush to get married but he can still keep you close at hand. i say its time to move on. Six years is a long time but ten is even longer. at 27 they are either finally grown up or still immature and never gonna grow up. Go find yourself a real man. You deserve one.

Answer 7

Sounds like you are trying to hard to control your relationship with him, rather than just letting it happen. He clearly isn't ready to be married.
If it's been 6 years, only you can decide how much more you can take. You either have to be comfortable w/the relationship the way it is, or move on.
As I see it, I'd want to part ways for a while and see what happens.

Answer 8

leave him!! he sucks! he will continue to string you along as long as you allow him to. you have set you standard now stick to it! don't move in with him, don't continue to give him all the benefits of marriage (sex, moving in together, cooking, companionship, etc) until you get married. if he's not willing to step up to the plate then let him go elsewhere. he will NEVER marry you as long as he is getting all the benefits already! he's already put it off 6 years, now he wants 5 more??? that's crazy!!! you are too if you decide to stick around and wait on him!

Answer 9

Sounds like he wants all of the benefits of marriage without the commitment. That is not fair to you. You need to move on. He keeps stringing you along and you are the one getting the short end of the deal.

Let him go!

Answer 10

To be honest with you, you are never really ready for any situation. Wait on kids til you can afford them? Wait your whole life. He needs the cojones to take the plunge with you and work it out together.

Otherwise he is just using you for your body and mind, and not thinking about the long term enough.