But here is the thing!! He wants to get married right away, and have kids as soon as we are married andthats not what I want. He kept saying yesterday, "well if you say you want to spend the rest of you life with me then why not go on and marry me"? I do want to spend the rest of my life with him, im just not ready to get married yet...Really I feel like we are already married I have dated him for almost 4 years, and I have to ask "permisson" be4 I go out with my friends, b4 I buy something, be4 I go somewhere (I had to actually ask him if it would be okay if I went on vacation with my family1) I love him, I really do, but im not ready to be married! Im not going to be able to have time for a married life when I start college, because im going full-time, and im playing basketball so were going to have practice every night and nights that we dont have practice im going to have a game and Im also going to try to keep a job in between that!! Please help what do I do????????
2006-07-24 01:45:02 · 24 answers · asked by Samantha Wright 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sounds more like jail than an engagement to me.i think ur being dominated too much.forcing u to get married at 17 is just pushing it.if u dont hold ur ground even on whether u wanna get married now or not, ur gonna live the rest of ur life as his lil lap dog
posessiveness and true love are two different things
2006-07-24 01:53:53 · answer #1 · answered by sharath1186 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait. You don't say how old he is but at 17 you are not ready to take on the challenges and responsibility of marriage and family. You need to get out and have a life and to know what it is all about first. It might be he is wanting to get married now because he is afraid once you start college that you will outgrow him and meet people there that you have the same interests with. He is already controling you by keeping you away from family and friends and it will get much worse if you don't stop it now. Loving someone doesn't mean you owe them your life. Sit down and tell him that you love him and you want to be with him but you have got school to get through and that right now you can't do it, if he really loves you he will understand. Good Luck
2006-07-24 02:57:00 · answer #2 · answered by Martha S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is many issues with your situation. I w ill only list a couple though.
Number one: you are only 17!! Live you life! Don't get married at this age, wait until you have graduated from college and are ready.
Number two: If you have to ask to spend time with your friends and family then something is not right! You should be able to just tell him that you are going out and that should be the end of it. Is is controlling your every move. You need to ask him to back off some. Tell him you need your space and alone time.
You need to tell him to back of and give you some space. If he is controlling now then he will be the same way when you get married. You can say good bye to all of your friends and anything you want to do. It will no longer be YOUR life...it will be his!
2006-07-24 02:11:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you truely love this person and it hurts to even think about being without him. You are so young and it sounds like you are smart. Talk to him, reasure him that you will be there but you are not ready that is not your plans thats only his plan and you have alot of time. Take care of the foundation for your future first. College, sports, experiences, friendship etc. You are still growing as an idividual you are still not ready at age 17. Trust Me. And stop asking to go places, that sounds controlling on his part and could lead to abuse either it be physically or mentally. Talk to him let him know where you are going don't ever ask, it's your life. You already know the answer because you are unsure if it was time you would not be in doubt or asking these questions
2006-07-24 02:22:35 · answer #4 · answered by Smile 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thin he sounds like an idiot!!! You don't need that kind of pressure at 17, you hav the rest of your life ahead of you. And this guy sounds selfish. If he really loves you then he would not pressure you. you are so young and you are going to meet so many people and guys between 17-30.....don't limit yourselfto this jerk. I think you will be making a huge mistake if you marry him.....think about other things. Think of going to college, moving to a new city, travel to Europe or take a cruise with your girlfriends. But don't let this guy pressure you, wait for a man that really loves you and respects you.
2006-07-24 03:12:43 · answer #5 · answered by dlmvm0612 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you KNOW you're not ready. I'd say call off the engagement NOW! This guy is trying his best to isolate you and have you barefoot and pregnant. He's being selfish. Tell him the engagement is OFF as of TODAY. If he gave you a ring, give it back. He can't tell you what/when/where to go...he's not your mother/father! You need to take care of yourself and do what you want to do or you will be headed for disaster before you ever get married. He's a control nut! If I were you, I'm drop him quicker than a hot potato! Do yourself a favor and dump the guy...he's not worth the time and you have out grown him. Good Luck.
2006-07-24 01:58:19 · answer #6 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl! Not to be giving you all my personal crap but I got married when I was 17 had my first child when I was 18, my husband was very controlling......like this guy sounds. I divorced him when I was 22, b/c I couldn't take asking for permission anymore, it got to the point that the man would follow me to the bathroom or listen to my phone conversations w/my MOM! Listen take it from someone who knows exactly what your feeling right now. I had it going for me at that age, I was already enrolled at college in a big city 3 hours from where I'm from.....my life was open roads in front of me.....I was vibrant and young. But I chose "love" over all of that and belive me at 17 you really don't know what your missing out on until its too late.
I'm now 28 and remarried to a wonderful man, things in my life are great but I had to take some very hard roads to get where I'm at now.....I had to go to college as a single mom, that is freaking hard! I've had to support myself and my 2 kidz on a single income. All I'm saying is it is easier to go ahead and get where you want to be in life before you settle and have kidz, b/c once you have kidz you can kiss your wants goodbye b/c it's all about them after that which is the way it should be.
If your boyfriend is only concidering what he wants and what he wants you to do for him, its really not worth it. You are a person 2, and I'm sure your a wonderful person......you have wants and desires and needs...and no one is going to be able to do what is right for you but you. In the end, the only person you have to depend on is yourself. Take care of yourself, live YOUR life, do what is best for YOU........b/c girl, I would hate it if you didn't and then ended up regretting it later.
You do what you think is best, I just read your question and it brought back so many memories, I hope everything works out.
2006-07-24 03:06:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hahaha i'm in this very similar challenge purely i'm the 17 year old boy and he or she is the 14 year old female. we've had sex endless cases and we are so in love, we were jointly for a twelve months. we are precisely 2 years and eight months aside witch isn't even 3 years. She is the single for me and that i'm the single for her. i don't be apologetic about a aspect. And neither does she. yet after I turn 18 and he or she is 15 it truly is going to be a touch more durable in words of what human beings will imagine folk. yet we do not care, we fairly do not supply a ****. and purely a twelve months after do we rub it in all those who has frowned on the courting's faces ;) I say opt for it. Age is only a huge determination and in case you very last lengthy, is 3 years fairly that huge of a spot even as your older ? NO !!
2016-11-25 21:16:16 · answer #8 · answered by dysart 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Samantha, I don't know where r u from but i feel u talk like Arab girls coz that what happened in Arab culture, but if u r not in an Arab country and u have the choice to say NO then don't and believe me dear you are so young to say and mean the word love coz ts not just a word but its a FULL time commitment and you also young to say that he is the only one coz u will meet others and you will like some one and have a crush on other ... etc
So plz take your time and if he cant understand then its his problem and let him deal with it ... I hope ur parents understanding you to help u out
best wishes
♥
2006-07-24 01:53:35 · answer #9 · answered by Clark794 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is pulling the "trap" play. If you are pregnant, you won't cheat ( that is his reasoning) Give him the ring back and tell him that you both are not ready for marriage. College is an experience that it is better to be single in. Not that you would see other people but you will meet other people and want to hang out. That would be hard to do with baby on board.
2006-07-24 02:10:56 · answer #10 · answered by jim w 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋