Please help???!!!!?

Question

My fiance and I have been together for 9 months and all we do is fight. When we aren't fighting we are getting along sort of. I have this ex-boyfriend I have known 5 years and my fiance doesn't like him. I got up to see what was wrong with my ex because he sent me an instant message this morning and the fiance got mad. Well I tried to stay calm and then he blew up. I haven't said anything and he is busy yelling at the cat and punching walls. I'm not sure what to do. Our sex life is pretty much non existence now a days, and we live together. He said he would never hit me and I believe him. I also was told by my ex (he showed me the instant message) where my fiance sent him a message being really mean to him. I think he went through my archives and my computer. I love him but I'm not willing to keep going on like this. Please keep in mind we have known each other for almost three years, and we have been through a lot with each other. All we have done is fight for the past three months.

I'm really hurt and I want to know what you all think I should do and what not ?? Please help I'm freaking out.

I don't want to not to talk to my ex because he has been the one who has been there for me to cry on his shoulder when everyone else left me. He is gay.

Another thing I don't seem to have any other friends because I have always been with him and yes I love it but I wish my friends. I feel bad because I left them behind.

Answer 1

Could you ask for a break? - As your living together that is hard.

It maybe worth not talking to your ex again - Hard but it would solve the problem.

Answer 2

Jelousy is an evil thing and that is what it seems all of this stems from. He has got to understand that you have got friends and some of them are male that doesn't mean you don't love him. If he is yelling at an innocent cat and punching walls that could turn to be you he is hitting real quick whether he means to or not. If he will not talk to you and all you are doing is fighting then maybe a break is best go stay with a freind or fmily member to give you both time to think about what you really want.

Answer 3

Depend on what you're fighting over. If it happens to be your ex-boyfriend, I suggest you tell him that you cannot see him anymore. Your relationship with him is over, so say your goodbyes and go on. In fact, I would do that anyways.

Personally, if you have been fighting for 3 months (which is 1/3 of your relationship with your fiancee) maybe you should consider moving out and re-examining if this is the right man for you. Punching walls and yelling at animals is juvenile behaviour. Perhaps you both need to think about if you are mature enough to handle a lifelong commitment. My guess is no.

Answer 4

Unfortunately the Heart can feel, and the mind can think. If there is a conflict between the two, It is nearly impossible to resolve. Your Fiance is insecure about himself. This makes him act immature. My advice would be to leave him and find someone secure in himself and more mature. However, that may not be the advice you are looking for. You can not change the man, anymore than you can change the rising and setting of the sun. He must grow up, HE must do it. If he won't, then, LEAVE the situation. By all means do not return to the one you are chatting with, You left him for a reason also. Find a more SECURE, MATURE man to share a growing and lasting relationship with. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Im sorry, but I don't believe he will never hit you. Hurting animals is a form of abuse. Your fiance is out of control. You need to cool it off with him and find a safe place to be. Abusers are really good at making nice and talking their victims back into returning, though, so be very, very careful. He is angry when he feels he can't control you and he is unnecessarily jealous. I don't believe you should stop talking to the ex or give in to your fiance's demands, because he is not behaving normally. Please make sure you get some help getting out of there and taking a break. I have a feeling your fiance will go ballistic when you say you are doing this, so don't do it alone. Be safe.

Answer 6

Your fiance is obviuosly very insecure. Trust is a very important part of a relationship (if not the most important). You have to let him know that him trusting you is essential in order to make your relationship work, or the relationship will go no where.

He may get upset, and that's fine. But don't coddle him because then it will become your problem and it will turn into this never-ending cycle. You deserve to not have to feel guilty for having friends that your fiance doesn't like. He needs to grow up a little and see that you are a trust worthy person (unless you're not). In any case you shouldn't have to compromise frienships of any gender because your boyfriend is insecure about himself. That's not your problem, it's his. Perhaps if he went to counseling it might help, or even couples counseling.

Answer 7

You should try pre-marriage counseling, Its offered by a lot of ministers at no cost to you, or by your local human services, but out of all honesty in my opinion, he should not be going through your computer that shows that he has trust issues, a good relationship that is going to last forever has to have good communication, trust, and honesty, I went to marriage counseling with my ex-husband and the counselor told us to listen to each other without yelling, and don't use words like you always or you never, hope this helps a little.

Answer 8

ask him what is bothering him first? your ex or life in general? then think of the many many years you might have to spend with the man who is so possesive ..it can be a real pain and insecurity will seep into the marraige..make sure you are financially independent only then can you command and ask if you want a out..three years are nothing compared to the decades of pain some women go through..lastly be calm and try to compose yourself.self-confidence helps greatly...if your fiance is physically aggressive and shows signs of cruelty now then walk out now..you might be his next victim

Answer 9

Hey hun, your fiancee is protective, that isn't a bad thing, if you want it to last you are going to have to try extra hard and talk to your fiancee, a real heart to heart, he obviously doesnt trust your ex, he has a bad way of showing it but from what i can tell, your fiancee is trying to protect you, to help you beyond that i would have to know why you broke up with your Ex and why you have kept in contact with him for so long, from all i know, it could even be possible that you are testing your fiancee or trying to ruin a stable relationship because you are scared? jsut a thought, i only know for sure what you said, if you want further help/advice just email me
[e-mail]
hope it all works out the way you want it to.

Answer 10

Hi there, my first advice is to get councelling. Make sure that you two can sort out your problems BEFORE you get married bc once you get mar.ried life will be a lot different and things can get worse. Make sure this is the one - listen to your head and not your heart for this one. You might love him but can you live with the constant fighting..it will damage your life and health

Answer 11

his display of anger and punching walls is abuse. Move out for a little while and make sure you tell him it is only for a little while until things calm down or you go to counseling together. I had to do that with my husband and we've been through hell and back and still together after 13 years.