Who wants 10 points........?

Question

tell me a funny joke.i need a good laugh.

Answer 1

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big ****."

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big ****?" "Why kill a blonde with big ****?"

Bush turns to Powell and says, "See smart *** , I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

Answer 2

TOP TEN JOKES FOR 10 POINTS!!!


TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED...

10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".

9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.

8. The cat is on Valium.

7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.

6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.

5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.

4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.

3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.

2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.

1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.



TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS...

10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet

8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-****."

5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.

3. You're counting down the days until menopause.

2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.



TOP TEN TV SHOWS IN IRAQ

10. Husseinfeld

9. Mad About Everything

8. Allah McBeal

7. Wheel of Fortune and Terror

6. Achmed's Creek

5. The Price is Right if Saddam Says it's Right

4. Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest

3. The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show

2. Buffy the Slayer of American Imperialist Dogs

1. Suddenly Sanctions


TOP TEN SONG TITLES ON THE POPE'S NEW ALBUM

10. Girls Just Want To Be Nuns

9. Wind Beneath My Vestments

8. Pretty Fly (For A Celibate Guy)

7. A Whiter Shade Of Robe

6. Exactly Like A Virgin

5. Sistine Candles

4. Take This Job And Read It

3. Gettin' Popey Wit It

2. God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On Me

1. Papa's Got A Brand New Encyclical

Answer 3

Man goes to a restaurant, orders a steak. Waiter brings it.
Customer: Waiter, what are you doing with your thumb on my steak?
Water: I didn't want to drop it on the floor again, sir.


Sailor with a pelican on his head goes to a psychiatrist. Doctor says, "Come in, sit down. Now, tell me how this all began." Pelican says "Well Doc, it started out as a wart on my butt!"

There was a young lady from Exeter;
So pretty, that men craned their necks at her.
(One went so far
As to wave, from his car,
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her!)

Have you heard the joke about the bed...?
I can't tell it to you-- it hasn't been made up yet.

Yo momma so ugly, she use poison ivy for makeup and roadkill for perfume!

What is the difference between a brunette and a redhead?
You don't know? What, are you blonde?

Willie found some dynamite;
Didn't understand it, quite.
Curiosity never pays--
It rained Willie seven days!

What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
A comma is a pause at the end of a clause, but a cat has claws at the end of its paws.

More....?

Answer 4

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night.. whether you're here or not."

Answer 5

A lady was on a plane, arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest. She asked him, " Excuse me Father, could I ask you a favour? "
The priest replied, " Of course my child. What can I do for you ? "
I have a small problem and wonder whether you could help. I bought myself a new sophisticated women's hair remover gadget, for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the customs duty declaration limits. As I do not have enough money to pay duty, I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock (A black garment reaching down to the ankles; worn by priests or choristers) ? "
The priest replied, " Of course I could, my child. But, you must realize that being a priest, I can not lie ! "
The lady said, " You have such an honest face Father. I am sure they will not ask you any questions "
So, she gave him the ' Hair remover ' gadget, which the priest put under his cassock.
The aircraft arrived at its destination. The priest presented himself to one of the customs officers. He asked the priest, " Father, do you have anything to declare ? "
The priest replied truthfully, " Son . . . . from the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare "
Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, " And from the sash down father, what do you have ?"
Again the priest replied truthfully, " Son . . . . I have there a marvellous little instrument destined for use by women, but . . . . Which has never been used ! "
Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, " Go ahead Father. Next person please . . . . . !!! "

Answer 6

The Sensex opened with a positive gap of 10 points

Answer 7

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

LOL:
ANOTHER 1:
This guy named James and his mother were having dinner one night, when all of a suddens his mother falls to the ground, and appears dead.

He calls the ambulance, to come pick them up and bring James' mother to the hospital.

3 hours later, the doctor comes out with the final report.

Doctor---James, there is some good news, and some bad news

James---Ok, give me the bad news first

Doctor---Ok, your mother survived, but she has a problem with her throat, you will have to spoon feed her everyday until she dies. Also, she has an arm problem, so you'll have to do everything for her, including whiping.

James---Ok...Well, what's the good news

Doctor---I was just kidding about all that, your moms dead.



WELL HOPE U ENJOYED:)

Answer 8

This man works at a pickle factory for over twenty years when one day he realizes that he is experiencing a very strange urge. Concerned about this he went home to talk to his wife about it.

"Honey," says the man, "I've been having the strangest urge at work. I keep having this impulse to put my penis in the pickle slicer."

"Oh my God!" exclaims the wife. "Are you sick? I think that we should get you to a psychologist!!"

"No. No. No." the man responds. "I've been having this urge for some time now and I've been able to resist pretty strongly so far. I think that I will be fine. It should pass."

"Well if you think that you can get over it then fine." answers the wife. "But if it starts getting to bad I'm going to take you to get some help."

A few weeks go by and everything seems to be fine. Then one day the man comes home looking white as a sheet. Slowly shuffling through the door the wife immediately knows that has happened.

"Oh my God! You did it didn't you?!" exclaims the wife.

"Yes." mumbles the man.

"You put your penis into the pickle slicer?" she asks.

"Yes." he grumbles.

"What the hell happened?" she asked in a very concerned voice.

"I was fired." he moans.

"No." se responds. "I mean with the pickle slicer."

"Oh. She was fired too." re answers.

Answer 9

I don't know if you will find this funny,but it made me go ha,ha.
Here it goes:

One man went to a prophet and then he told that man:
-You will be resbonsable for death of many people!

Man was pretty much shocked.On his way home,he saw a little child who was drowning in the river.
Man wanted to show prophet that he was wrong.So,man jumped into the river and saved the litle boy.
Little boy's mom was running and said through tears:
-Thank you sir!Thanky you very much!
And then she turned to that little boy and said:
-Adolph,say thank you.

( :

Answer 10

A little boy kept sucking his thumb, no matter what his mother told him. Finally, she told him that if he kept on sucking his thumb, he would get fat.

One night the boy's mother was playing bridge with some of her friends. When the boy saw that one of the women was very pregnant, he pointed his finger at her and said, "I know what you've been doing!"

Answer 11

Q: what do you do when you see someone having a seizure in the bathtub?



A: throw in a load of laundry


here's one more for good luck:

Q: whats long, green and smells like bacon??

A: kermit the frogs finger