I have a lot of lack of confidence?

Question

I am intelligent & matured & also confident when alone but when i mix up with people I just get nervous.Especially when I meet girls of my own age I can't even talk to them.I don't have any friend.I think maybe the reason is I am overweight & not consicious about style.Please help.

Answer 1

Being overweight and not conscious of style, or finding that styles are designed to make you look awful? Why do you think the fashion is to bare the belly? Because it looks good on slim girls, but not heavier ones. The same is true of fashion throughout my lifetime at least, and probably longer. It is just a fact that fashion -- or should I say fad -- is designed around not only making slim girls look good, but heavier girls look bad. One year it is stretch pants, another it is mini-skirts, etc. That's the nature of the clothing industry.

Now, as to being overweight making you self-conscious; yes, it does. I've been heavy all my life and I know. And being intelligent and mature works well around older people, but younger people have such shallow values, mostly because they can get away with it. Frankly, why would you even WANT to talk to those girls your own age who are obsessed with boyfriends and fashions and partying and all of that? I hear them on the bus coming home from the high school down the hill. Be GLAD they don't want to include you in their mindless screeching chatter!

However, you do need friends, I can see that. When I was young and had problems like this, I got into the habit of hanging out with older people. Will that work for you? Go to a coffee house and take a chess set or backgammon set with you. Open it in front of you, look around to see if anyone notices, and then pick up an old newspaper or magazine to read and drink your coffee and be interruptible if anyone wants to play the game. Worked great for me. I started going to backgammon tournaments and having lots of friends who really liked conversation and wholesome laughs.

Answer 2

This happens with some of the intelligent ones (only). The reason may be you are over-rating the alertness / awareness level of others. Very few really match. Just keenly observe the gossip when in group and try to surmise the essence of the chat. You will find very little substance and / or co-cohesiveness ! This , when you find out for yourself, to be true, should restore 90 % of the confidence, but dont pooh pooh others even within yourself, it does no good, let them evolve by themselves. And believe, when there is intelligence and maturity, style and weight do not matter at all, in fact it helps to keep those who care only for appearances at a safe distance. But it is also good to keep weight under control or reduce to optimum , instead of neglect, and style really does not matter ! Best wishes.

Answer 3

Well, the only thing I can tell you is that you need to spread your wings and get with the program of cupcakes. That is what I call myself, since I am over weight too. I am not a twinkie (someone that can get away with wearing a bikini) and I am not a whole cake either (someone that wears moo moo's most of the time) I am a cupcake always a handful! Attitude included!

It can be stressful to be around other people when you feel that they are judging you. But, as long as you can look in the mirror and accept who you are as well as what you look like and love yourself.... who in the hell cares what ever ones else thinks about you!! That is my attitude! I used to be a loner because of the fact that I thought that I was not an equal to the other people and I normally hung out with people that were considered out casts.

But, then I learned that I was smarter than most of those idiots that I worried about and then from then on I decided not to care about what they thought about me because if I could look at my self in a mirror and love myself for who I was so could they and if they didn't then it was there lost. So open your wings a little and don't worry about what the others might think about you because I think that your great.

Answer 4

If that's what you think the reason is. Then loose weight and get some style.

Maybe take a look around you too. There are some pretty nasty people about - don't be one of them, what have you got to loose when know you are not one of the nasties?

Answer 5

Social unease is common and you will gain confidence with time. It helps to focus on the other person or persons--ask them questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Believe me, no worthwhile person cares if you are overweight or not a slave to fashion.

Answer 6

this is really normal,all you have to do is just stop caring about what ppl think of you and look down to them,look down to everyone else,at first it is not very easy,but after you pushing yourself for a while consciously everything will be under control.then ,you'll be confident,all you have to do is:give a $hit to everyone.trust me,it's not that hard

Answer 7

maybe u shud meet shadowqat at the top of the page ahd discuss ur problem with her

Answer 8

makeover your personality in your own way...reduce some weight not for looks but for your health and feel good factor...talk to ppl. being yourself ...ur too good belive me...everyone is unique...and if you dont like to be talkative...dont be...cause its misconception that for being famous you need to be loude and friendly... dont forget that ppl. will not care about you unless u care about ur self.

Answer 9

i am in the same boat. and if you look out you could find hundreds waiting to board this boat.

may be you can be happy that you are intelligent.