Does anyone know any good jokes?

Answer 1

My good friend, there are NO 'bad' jokes !
Only our individual mentalities make a joke 'good', or 'bad' !

Answer 2

A young couple was making passionate love in the guy's van when suddenly
the girl, being a bit on the kinky side yells out, "Oh big boy, whip me,
whip me!"
The guy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously does
not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the
window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip the girl until
they both collapse in a sadomasochistic ecstasy.
About a week later, the girl notices that the marks left by the whipping
session are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor.
The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these
marks having sex?" The girl is a little embarrassed but admits that, yes,
she did.
Nodding his head knowingly the doctor exclaims, "I thought
so, because...in all my years of doctoring you've got the worst case of
van aerial disease that I've ever seen."

Answer 3

Scenario:

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?








Answer: Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're p!ssed.

Answer 4

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde decided to go to the toilets together to fix their make-up. Sitting outside the toilets was an old lady, who told them these words, "There is a magic mirror inside those toilets. If you go up to it and say something truthful, you will receive a wonderful prize. If, however, you lie, you will be sucked into the mirror forever...".
The three girls decided to try this mirror out. First, the redhead approached the mirror, and said, "I think I'm the smartest of us three", and boom! She felt something in her pocket. She looked and saw car keys to a nice Lexus.
Then it was the brunette's turn. She went up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the prettiest of us three", and boom! Her phone started ringing. It was that boy she had been crushing on for a long time. He just asked her on a date!
Finally, it was the blonde's turn. She approached the mirror, and said, "I think...", and was immediately sucked into the mirror.

Answer 5

This chap was on safari in Africa. He spots an elephant lying on the ground with a huge thorn in its foot. he carefully goes up to the elephant and removes it. The elephant gets up looks at him and trots happily away.

Twenty years later in London a circus prosession is coming down the street as the elephant get near to him it goes mental and charges him picking him up and throwing him against a wall!!!!!!!

It was a different elephant!!

Answer 6

A guy wanted to lose weight. He went to diet center. It offered plan A or B. He took plan A.
He was taken to a room and a pretty girl with a "if you catch me you can **** me" sign was waiting for him. He never caught her but he lost 20lbs.
After 3 days he tried plan B. A gorilla was in the room with sign"I will **** you when I catch you."

Answer 7

Once there were 2 men and 1 sardar.

Answer 8

What do you call a man in the toilet?

John

What do you call a lady leaning against your bedroom wall?

ilene

What do you call a guy with a shovel in his head?

doug


What do you call a guy without a shovel in his head?

douglass

What do you call a man outside your front door?

Matt

Answer 9

I am so stricken

An elderly man went to the doctor for a visit.


"Doc," he says," I am so stricken. I have chest pains, headaches, back
pains, nausea, arthritis, constipation, stomach cramps, earaches, burning
in the eyes, congested lungs..."


"Sir," said the doctor, "you complain you have so many things. What don't
you have?"


The man answered, "Teeth."

Answer 10

Man goes into pub, and asks for a pint, while barman is getting it , he looks around the pub and sees a dog licking himself, and says to barman"My word i wish i could do that" barman says " if you give him a biscuit he might let you "!!!!