Okay, so here is the deal. I am 22. My Girlfriend, 19, is starting college and I have started to notice some things bother me. For instance, her uncle is offering to pay her way, but will only do it if she goes to a university he wants and not a comunity college she wants. She is afraid to stand up to her uncle on that situation. And tonight, I took an earlier shift because so we could spend time together and she has this orientation that for some reason this year they are "making" the students stay from 5pm till 11am the next day, staying overnight in the dorms. She doesn't want to but is going to anyway to avoid confrontation, even though she knows they cannot really "make" them stay. These, along with other similar instances have been irritating me, and it has been a big turn off. I look at her not standing up for herself on these little things as being a weakness. Is this a problem or am I just being difficult? And yes, we have talked about this on occasion and no change
2006-07-23 21:59:39 · 8 answers · asked by jfbird1986 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Okay, to clear things up for people that do not understand, SHE is the one that wants to go to another college. If she wants to move across the world then I am there for her, if it is what SHE wants. With the oreintation, SHE told me as soon as she found out about it that SHE did not want to be there all day. The thing that bothers me is that SHE is constantly doing things SHE does not want to do. And these are not the only things. I would just like to think she will stand up for what SHE wants.
2006-07-23 22:13:45 · update #1
You may have a valid point on the uncle issue. Free is great, but she has to think for herself because there are always ways to get what you want.
On the orientation point, you're just wrong. Orientation is incredibly important. She's starting a new big adventure and meeting the people she'll be living with for the next year. It's one day, you'll manage without her.
It really seems like your bigger issue is the fact she's begining this new phase of her life and you seem unsure if you'll still fit in.
2006-07-23 22:06:13 · answer #1 · answered by Kanga_tush2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a huge problem if you can't respect her. This situation's also something that's not likely to change. It does get extremely annoying when you continually see someone you care about let themselves get trampled. That one sounds kinda arrogant and cold, but anyone who's been in this situation knows it's true.
Short answer, no you're not looking too deeply into this. It is a significant problem, and you should really think about how this will affect your relationship. If it turns out to be a pivotal question of your relationship, maybe you should bring it up with her again in this context. I guess it sounds like this talk would be an ultimatum, and it may be. Just make sure you don't brush aside your feelings just because they seem selfish or inconsequential in a conventional sense.
2006-07-24 05:10:50 · answer #2 · answered by Phil 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So it irritates you. What about her? Or is it just that she is irritated because you are irritated?
Grow up, man.
Ask her if she wants to have college paid for. I don't blame her uncle for demanding she go to a good school and not a commuity college. If she will be staying in the dorm rooms, then that is a part of orientation.
What is the matter with you?
If she wants it, then support her. If she doesn't want it, then help her to find a better situation. This is not about you, okay?
2006-07-24 05:06:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey, that's what's you're there for. Stand up for her, be her strength. Make her do the things she wants. She might think you're controlling at first but she'll realize that it's the best way that she would've chosen. About that convention, if she decide to go, find out if you could accompany her.
You're not being difficult, it's just seem that you care a lot about her. and want her to start living her life, her way, so help her,
2006-07-24 05:11:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
college is not cheap..... if her uncle wants to pay her college then he has every right to choose and pick the college. You are making this all about you. This is about her.
here is an example. if your parents said they would buy you a ford explorer a 2004 and you wanted a 2005 would you not take it........ of course not you would take what you were given and be happy.
be happy for your gf that her college is being paid for. Maybe you are jealous that he uncle is helping her.
2006-07-24 05:05:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I think your just a little too needy. I would go to any college if somone else would pay for it. Stop trying to control the situation so much. If you can't you should really re-evaluate your feeelings for her , there may be something deeper bothering you.
2006-07-24 05:07:54 · answer #6 · answered by Dude 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this may be only small things shes being pushed into now but there only gona get bigger.
She needs to stand up for herself even if it makes things harder its better to struggle and be yourself and live your own life then to sail under someone elses command...
Your not being difficult you can just see that this is not gonna make her happy or let her be herself.
Try talking to her again and see if she will try and stand up for herself.
If not you may have to let go because her life will be run by someone else and that changes people wether they want it to or not.
2006-07-24 05:09:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Small things now, become HUGE things later on. Get a new girlfriend if she has stuff that bugs you about her
2006-07-24 05:03:42 · answer #8 · answered by shellys.place 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋