would you agree to an arranged marriage?

Question

my family used to traditionally have arranged marriages. on the grounds that both the intended agreed to the marriage. my grandmother asked me recently what my thoughts were. i told her i truely would not care. but it is interesting to me to know. how would you answer that sort of a question? do you believe you can learn to love/grow into loving someone? or do you believe love should be a freely made choice, duty free?... Ps. Serious answers only. what are your thoughts? for or against. or middle ground. any story's of arranged marriages? did they work? fail? do you love eachother?

i've chosen to not have an arranged marriage, and my family respects that. it isnt about being forced to marry anyone. i believe that you can love just about anyone, if you get to know them. i know that i could never get along with someone i didnt love before i married them. to me it wouldnt be right. but the question isnt about what i am doing with my life. it is what peoples oinions on this are. i believe that arranged marriages can work. my grandmother and grandfather were both part of an arranged marriage. they were married up untill last year when my grandfather died. and they both said they grew into loving eachother more and more as time went by. and that they were thankfull their parents thought they would be a good match. they had been raised together, and as children were best friends. so i know that arranged marriages can work.

Answer 1

This is something you don't see too much these days (says the 22 year old). I don't know if I would agree to arranged marriage just like that. It might depend on how the process went. On one hand, it's your family choosing your mate for the rest of your life. As these may be the closest people to you, it makes sense that a panel of them could pick someone really compatible with you. On the other hand, I'm not particularly close with my family. My mom doesn't know me at all, and while my dad knows me well enough to interact well with me, I don't know if I would trust his judgement on girls.

I think one of the strengths of an arranged marriage, at least from the 'successful marriage' standpoint, is that you go into it with a different mindset. People who date someone and marry them often have the expectation that the novelty and passion originally there will last forever. When this fades and deeper feelings have never been nurtured, they're left with nothing except a contract. In arranged marriage, people don't have this original expectation. They know that they will have to work and come into the relationship with that point of view. It's true that the relationship may never have the passion of a typical dating relationship, but passion's volatile and has its ups and downs.

In my mind, there are advantages to either side.I just hope you thought everything through before committing.

Answer 2

I will go along with the arranged marriage only if I am above 30 and still single or if the girl is pleasant and of the same standard as girls I am probably able to win.
I would tell your grandma that I don't mind going for a meal or 2 to see the person first, but will request that the meal be seen as I am tagging along her to see her friend and not her friend's daughter. This will make things less embarassing if things don't turn out well. Physical appearance is important no matter how noble you may be.
I have heard of how some arranged marriages end up with the husband being a wife beater or the wife being highly susceptible to depression.
Go for arranged meetings to build friendship, not meetings that jump into marriages.

Answer 3

It all depends on what you mean by love and what it is that you want. You can grow to love someone and you can live very nicely with someone who is a good match on paper. You can get along with anyone if there are enough good points, a big enough pay off for you to stick around.

Would I do this by choice? Heck No. You miss out on real romantic love. It does exist and you should not settle for any thing else as long as you have any choice in the matter. You could arrange somethng very comfrotable and then one day when you meet your love it will all crumble and come apart or you will no longer be able to be happy in your arrangement. Love is the only true magic left in today's world, don't shut the door on it before giving yourself a chance

Answer 4

Earlier arranged marriages were more common,a norm,so to say and they lasted longer,but the reasons were different.More likely those marriages were based on similar backgrounds,like religiion,caste,occupation,etc.It ws easier for both of them to be compatible.Individualism wasnt an issue,it never was existing then.For a man it was an obligation to love and look after his family,and the woman to take care of the minor differences arising in a compatible way.
One important point is,people earlier were married when quite young,as compared to now,getting married in twenties or thirties and later.So obviously parents thought of getting involved to arrange for a match for their sons and daughters.
Now,things are changing fast.Women have their dreams.aspirations,and expectations from life,from her partner.This cant be achieved by marrying an unknown person.
I personally dont believe in arranged marriages,tho love marriages arent risk free.Compatibility counts,a willingness to give into marriage and to make it work are the key factors.

Answer 5

I'm 32 and single because I have been looking for my soulmate.. YOu know a person that doesn't exist. Sometimes I wish I would have lived at a time when they would have arranged my marriage and at least I would be with someone for better or worse. An arranged marriage in this day and age.. I don't know about that.. Maybe in the past...not today...Who knows maybe some people actually got paired with their soulmate....Naaaaaaaaa.

Answer 6

I tend to believe you can learn to love a person, if you are in an arranged marriage.i believe arranged marriages stemmed from a need to insure the continuation of a blood line, and to genetically have some say over your grandchildren appearance. Could I personally place myself into that situation, sure, love is just a matter of becoming accustomed to a given parties presence.Thank goodness I can choose what and whom I desire.

Answer 7

haha since I'm asian and pretty, my parents wanted to arrange a marriage for me. So I understand you. I didn't mind, but that's because I was raised to be a golddigger. Is it that big a deal if he treats you well? and if you're lucky he should be shallow (he should be if he picked you as a bride and didn't know you at all) Hopefully he cheats on you so that you're free to have your own love life while still having the advantage of having money, I'd have more to say but it's a little late for me to talk about this more.<3

Answer 8

Some men just don't know how to pick a woman, and vise versa. Sometimes I think it would be interesting to see how much it would help here in the usa... Where you have over half of all marriages that end in divorce....

On the other hand, I have been married happily to the same man of my choice for over 13 years. I would definately want my mom's approval/ blessing either way.

Answer 9

I would never agree to an arranged marriage unless I already truly loved the person I was being married to. I believe that who you love and who you spend teh rest of your life with should be your own decision. I would hate to not have the experiance of finding that one special someone that I would spend the rest of my life with. I just think it would feel better to go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning knowing that i'm lying next to that one person that's just for me. I know I over analyze and over think things, lol.

Answer 10

If u r family finds a solemate 4 u n if u think that he is Mr right 4 u its k to hve arrange marriage. Its not compulsory but there r more advantages of arranged marriage then love marriage.Even I think that I ll mary whome i ll love n love whome i ll mary n still I chosed arranged marriage not loosing the moto of my life as i hve mentioned u above.