Shouldn't he know who he is by now? Everytime he leaves her he stays gone a few months. I can't help it I feel so sorry for her. I hate him to treat her this way. They have been married over 30 years.this is about the %th time he has done this in the last 14 years! I don't think there is anything I can say to my sister cause I want her to be happy it's none of my business. What would you say if it was your sister? Would you say anything at all.
2006-07-23 19:43:42 · 12 answers · asked by Busy Lady 2010 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry about the misprint. This is about the 5th time he has left her in the last 14 years!
2006-07-23 19:47:34 · update #1
Wow, I know I'd like to say "What the hell is wrong with you for putting up with this!! You're so much better that this!!" Now that's what I would want to say but wouldn't.
She needs you there to be supportive of HER! Not her husband or the relationship. If she wants to talk about it let her and listen, which means you'll probably bite your tongue a lot. If you start attacking her husband and her choice to stay with him she'll take it as you're attacking her. She'll feel like she has to stay/put with her husband because other wise she'll be all alone. I didn't say you wouldn't be there for her, but she will feel alone.
Just be there for your sister. Go to the movies, have lunch, show her she's not alone. She may decide to stay with this jerk for the rest of her life, but maybe with you beside her she'll find the courage to kick his butt to the curb.
2006-07-24 04:54:21 · answer #1 · answered by Kati 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That doesn't make any sense! Why would a husband need to leave his wife, to "find himself"? If it were my sister, I would ask her what she thinks about him doing that, and that she should really speak with her husband about it. Since she's been married to him for so long, I think it might be wiser for them to just talk things out. Divorce may not be the best thng right now. Has she even spoken to her husband about his 'little' 'escapades'? Perhaps they can work things out with eachother. I would think that the husband generally discovers himself through his wife. Maybe he feels he's missing something in their relationship, and is trying to find it elsewhere. This is not good, because he may be cheating on her (G-D Forbid!) If it were my sister, I would tell her to ask her husband if he feels that there is something missing from their relationship, and if they could work something out (you know, compromise?) I'm really sorry that he's doing something like that to her.
2006-07-24 18:33:03 · answer #2 · answered by naturelover 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
People who need to find themselves are permanently lost. They keep thinking life is "out there" instead of what they make of it. It sounds a lot better than, "I never really finished growing up and I want someone or something to create an interesting life for me like my parents used to do, because they did all the work and I just went along and had fun."
Tell her to let this guy go wander (into a relationship that he finds stimulating for the next 90 days or so) and go find an adult to be in a relationship with.
2006-07-24 02:52:45 · answer #3 · answered by Pepper 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Boy, he must be one bloody careless man to keep losing himself so many times over the years!
Personally, I feel people use the excuse that they need to find themselves just to get away from responsibilities and commitments. A man who has been married for 30 years to the same woman does not just disappear for a few months to rediscover himself, whatever the heck that means. Your sister must be one really trusting, faithful woman to accept him everytime he comes home. Home sounds more like a transit point for him. God only knows what your sister goes through evertime this 'man' decides he wants some adventure for a few months.
Of course you want your sister happy, and she will probably not appreciate your interference in her life. But she is your sister, and if I were in your shoes, I would tell her how I feel. Maybe she will be upset and not talk to you for some time, but blood is thicker than water. She will not ignore you forever; and she will understand that you care about her, as any sibling should.
Now, if only the 'man' cared enough for his wife not to do this to her...!
2006-07-24 03:03:50 · answer #4 · answered by reformed_witch 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If it was my sister I would tell her to sit and talk to her husband and ask him what he realy wants and if the love is gone then maybe everyone should just move on she should have a serious talk with him otherwise he will keep hurtin her.I am very sorry for u sister I will Pray for her
2006-07-24 02:50:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If it had been my sister then I would have talked to her husband and found out what exactly is bothering him so that we can reach to some solution. As its too long since they have married the relationship is very matured and I think such things can be resolved by mutual discussions.
2006-07-24 02:48:09 · answer #6 · answered by nandru_22 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your sister has a problem with her self esteem to allow this to continue. There is nothing you can say or do, she has to make the move, preferably while he is away. sell the house and everything in it, he comes home to nothing.
2006-07-24 03:13:02 · answer #7 · answered by daveinsurprise 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why not? Tell her how you feel. It can't hurt her any more than he is.... Maybe she is depressed. Why else would she stay with him? Talk to her calmly. I would tell her that she deserves so much more than what he is capable of giving. Encourage her to stand up for herself.
If he is out with other woman then yes.........talk to her. That is tough.
2006-07-24 02:48:15 · answer #8 · answered by barbaradjt 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would say get some self esteem and kick his *** to the curb for good. if it were my sister
2006-07-24 02:47:12 · answer #9 · answered by brenda4ever 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When he says he needs to find himself he means he needs to find himself boffing some other whore that's all.
2006-07-24 02:47:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋