What is one to do?

Question

This may be long, but please bear with me people. I want some advice. I'm 27 years old and I want to have a child. I have an average living, nothing too extravgant, and I have a boyfriend and we live in our apartment together. I really don't plan on marrying, I just don't think it's right for me. Now reading this, it may seem that I'm misguided, or not ready or what have you, but I'm not, so I hope that those types of responses can be withheld. I'm just lost @ the crossroads of: in terms of my age and my stage of life I think now would be the time to have children, are there SUPPOSED to be certain things in thier place, ie finances, marriage, house etc.?, Taking into consideration of my age would that be selfish to child who didn't ask to be here?? Whats the defining line here? I hope a lot of you can weigh in on this. Also, please know that I'm only asking other peoples opionins, the ultimate decision will be mine, of course. Thanks, and please be serious about this.

Answer 1

Okay, settle down, Sweetie. You're just fine, the only thing going on is your biological clock is ringing. Okay, you want a child. Great. If you can support one and have the ability to keep insurance on it until it graduates from college...do it. People who are in their 60's are having children...that's twice your age and they'll most likely be dead before that child is out of college. That's what I call selfish. Bringing a child into the world is ultimately about "hope". I wished I could have had one; but with all my health issues, I opted not to pass them on to another generation. It was a hard decision. You will make up your own mind eventually, but here's my two cents worth. Good luck, my dear one, in whatever you decide to do.

Answer 2

I don't think the money is the problem, but it's more the place you are in life. Are you really ready to give everything required of you to a child? Do you know yourself, are you a complete person? Are you going to have this child and then five years later want to really be out dating and finding Mr. Right? I think children do have trouble when they grow up with one parent, but I know that many people do it and lots are just fine. I think it's important if there is not a 2nd parent that there are close ties with grandparents, aunts, uncles, family friends. A stable unit. Are you ready to provide a stable nucleus, security, and routine for a child, or is your life erratic right now? Children REALLY need that stability and schedule and routine, they can rely on it, they can learn to trust that people will be there for them in life. Are you going to be there and then be off dating again someday, and therefore have your schedule be unpredictable?

Anyway, I think these are things to consider. I don't think 27 is the age where you should be worrying about this either. I'd say once you get over 30, then worry about that biological clock.

Answer 3

Wow, what a loaded question, with limiting answers wanted. A child is a gift from God. What He wants for that child is to have godly parents that teach him/her to know and love Him. I know that's not what you want to hear, but when you are asking what's fair to a child, that is truly it. As far as finances and where you live, you can never really reach a perfect place. The child needs love, and it's basic needs met. Anything else you can or can't provide comes in second. It's also very important for the child to have a mother and father that are together. It's best to make sure the father is committed to you and this child for a lifetime. I know you didn't exactly want this kind of answer, but I hope I added some things that help.

Answer 4

Having a child is a huge responsibility and costly. It isn't wrong to want a child, above all I support inwardly those who carry their decision out regarding this matter. You need to understand how your b/f feels etc. If he doesn't want to be part of this...then what? Have you thought about the sperm banks or adoption if you are sincerely committed. I do not think it would be fair to have a baby by your b/f if he feels differently. Perhaps he will not want to pay child support for a child you want and perhaps he doesn't, after all you, you want to remain single. If you want the baby, I would say now is the time. Just make sure that is what you want. Look at the panoramic view, then decide. Good Luck.

Answer 5

The responses should be...erm...interesting....

I have serious doubts about whether I want to get married myself...I won't go into the reasoning here. As for kids, they need stability, attention (lots of it), and love, someone to be there for them. Can you provide them these things? Are you planning on going this alone or with your boyfriend?

Having a "second opinion" around the house can be important for a child, and certainly seeing parents who are in love with each other can no doubt have a great positive impact on the child. I guess my thought would be, can you provide these things, or something just as good? If not, I'd say it might not be fair to the child. If you can give a child all of that, then maybe you could go for it.

Answer 6

You say you're 27, you ideally have another 15-20 years to give birth naturally. Why the rush? Do you feel that something is missing in your life? I don't think you have a good reason to have a child. If you don't think marriage is for you, neither is raising a child. What is going to happen with your boyfriend if you have a child? Is he going to be there for your child? Will he support your child? I think it IS selfish to bring a child into this world without a solid plan on how you're going to support them and without a stable home.

Answer 7

first of all, 27 is not the crossroads for deciding to have children. risk factors don't really escalate for 11 years or so. second, if you're having to ask this question, then i would conclude that parenthood is not for you yet. regardless of what you might envision, having a child is a complete life changing experience, one that cannot be adequately explained prior to first hand knowledge. most importantly, a child need to have the security that his/her parents love and want that child as part of the family. having a child because "it's time" doesn't seem like a good reason to me. "because i will be a loving, caring parent" seems much better, and "because i am in love with my partner, i want to perpetuate this family and hopefully make the earth one person better than it currently is" would be good, too.

Answer 8

Why isn't marriage right for you? Once you answer that decision, ask yourself if you being married or not is right for your future child.

I believe children need parents who can love them and guide them on their way to adulthood. I'm not saying parents have to have all their problems worked out before they have kids. But they should be aware that they are going to be a profound influence on their children. Talk about this with yourself and your boyfriend. And start praying about it, too. It's more than a lifelong commitment - it's several lifelong commitments as there are numerous lives involved.

Answer 9

It is better to have a stable situation to bring a child into the world, but no one is ever completly prepared. I am a single mom and life can be hard financially but I if I had the chance to go back I would still choose to be a single mother. And no child askes to be brought into this world, including us. As long as you think you are ready for this life long commitment then I say go for it!

Answer 10

First of all, I don't believe anyone has to be married to have a child, as long as both parents commit to being involved in the child's life regardless of their own relationship. As long as you are financially stable and able to provide for your child, I don't see a problem. Children are born every day to phenomenal parents who don't live extravagantly or own a home.