Getting remarried- do I change my name again or leave it to match my kids?

Question

When I divorced, it was easier to keep my married name....I have 2 children and everyone knows me as their mother. Now I'm gonna get married again. How does it work out if you change your name to your new husband's name, and your children now have a different last name? Won't it be awkward when I call the school, the pediatrician, their friend's parents, etc? It's not like you can send out an announcement stating, "my name is now jane smith". But it would be kind of insulting to my husband to keep my ex's last name, and going back to my maiden name would be REALLY confusing. Anyone done this before?
PS, the names are too long to hyphenate

Answer 1

YES!I am remarried(well for 7 yrs now).I have two kids with my ex hubyys last name(starts with the letter M) and two kids with my current(and hopefully last:))hubbys name(starts with the letter W).I wanted to change my name when I got married because I dfeinetly did not want the M name.I love my kids and do not expect them to give up their last names.SO

Answer 2

Well being the child in that situation, many, many years ago, it didn't seem to be a problem. Sadly with divorces being such a part of our lives now and then, most people are familiar with the two name differences.
If you are listed on your childrens bios, then the school will know who to call.
The only problem, I see in changing your name, with your new marriage, is all the paper work, and notifications to school, business, IRS etc. Plus the Social Security, Post Office too.
Time to make up a cover letter, explaining the changes, buy lots of stamps and have at it.
Oh by the way, Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, may you both find happiness with each other.

Answer 3

I would do whatever you're most comfortable with. From the practical standpoint, it makes very little difference if your name matches your kids'. My mom kept her maiden name after marriage, and so she's always had a different last name than us kids - and not a single time it was ever an inconvenience or a problem. Everyone concerned just knew her as our mom, end of story. If it makes both you and your new husband more comfortable, then take his name. Otherwise, keep your old one.

Answer 4

I have been divorced for 24 years but kept my ex husbands name due to the fact that I was known by that name for 25 years. Now in the event I remarry should I keep my name as is or change it to the new Husband ? He and I have been together in a domestic partner relation ship for 18 years.

Answer 5

Your legal name will be the name you use on your payroll, taxes, insurance, etc. Those are legal documents and you MUST use your legal name on them. However, it is perfectly okay to use your maiden name for professional situations - your business cards, your email signature, you can still be "Mrs. Smith" to your class even if your paycheck says "Mrs. Jones." Many professional women do this. It's also okay to keep your maiden name legally and use your married name in social situations. You'll be Mrs. Smith at school and on your legal documents, Mrs. Jones when you're out with your husband and to your family/friends. A good friend of mine has been too busy/lazy to get all the paperwork done to change her name, but she goes by "Jenn Marriedname" all the time - her driver's license just still says "Jenn Maidenname." It doesn't bother her. Here's my real question - are you trying to hide your marriage from your coworkers? Because if so, then you have a much bigger problem. When we feel we need to keep something a secret, it's usually because we feel like it's something we shouldn't be doing in the first place. If this is where your head is at, I really encourage you to talk to someone (a counselor, a minister, etc) that you trust about it.

Answer 6

Take your husband's name. My daughter has a different last name and once in while I'm called Mrs. So and So (her last name) but whatever. People are so used to this now it's not a big deal.
And calling places say "Hi, I'm Jane Smith, Sally Johnson's mom. Same thing happens to unwed mothers that give the child the father's name.

Answer 7

i havent been in you situation but i was in a similiar one.
i have been a single mom until my oldest 18 (daughter) and youngest 17(son)
we all had the same name.
when i got married i felt the same way. I talk to the kids and they were with opinion at first but then they said it was the way it should be.
So i decided to take my husbands name.
my son could carry my name and my daughters would change when she got married.
when i had to call schools or doctors i would use my maiden name instead of new name, that why there was no confusion.
I have been married for 3 years and never had any conflicts

Answer 8

You need to change your last name for your husbands sake. It would be an insult not to and why do you care about friends parents or the doctors office? You don't go home to them! Really to me this is a no brainer I can't believe your thinking about saying with your ex-husbands name.

Answer 9

Those who recommend changing name to husbands share my view. Our society sees mother's name different than kid's names every day, and no one but you cares a hoot. It is pretty much standard.

It is probably better than keeping the same name as the kids' and people will think you are shacking up with a man, not married to him.

Answer 10

its not your ex's last name its your childrens last name. and i personally was glad my wife assumed my name then keep the same name as her children . in this day and age marriage and divorce is so common it seems almost expected.and youll know who they are calling for when they ask for mrs soandso you can then correct there not knowing and things move on its that simple. talk with your future husband see how he feels and honor his wishes as other then life and death he is the number one person and comes first for you and you should be the same if he has kids your first other then life and death, unity as one is the best way for a couple who has been remarried to keep control and the chain of comands has to be set from the begining.


good luck and conrats to both you and him on the pending marriage.