Me and my husband have been married for 5 years we have done nothing but argue and fight. I think pretty much threw the whole marrage.. today it seemed to be a apifany i think i figured out that my husband is scared of intimacy.. i love to have sex and cuddle and kiss and do all of the stuff married people do but he says he dosent like it and hes never been like that. its a constant battle to get him to talk dirty or even slightly be affectionate what is a good way to try to get him to be more intamate? or is it even normal for a person to be that way? I am very unhappy in my marrige because of this.. so only really good feed back please.
2006-07-23 13:34:37 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Iam a very attractive african american woman 5'5 130 pounds and i have never had a prolem getting or keeping a man this shi# is just annoying ya know!
2006-07-23 13:48:03 · update #1
The first thing to do is quit fighting, it takes two people to fight. Be open and honest and very kind to him. When things start to calm down from the fighting, then start to slowly introduce more affection, without bothering him about not giving it to you. Let him know it's a need you have in order to feel loved by him and ask him for suggestions on how he can help you feel more loved this way, find out what he is willing to do. If he's not willing to do anything for you, get into counselling - with or without him and then make decisions from there about what you can and can't live with.
2006-07-23 13:43:26 · answer #1 · answered by wellbeing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband is not a very intimate person either. First the handholding stopped, then the kissing, then the cuddling. Of course he still wants the ultimate act of intimacy, but after so much distance he just feels like a stranger in my bed. I tried to be understanding because I know he comes from a family that does not practice any kind of displays of affection (not solely the romantic kind either...mother-in-law doesn't hug kids/grandkids, etc.), but c'mon it's difficult to feel rejected 90% of your day and then feel intimate because there's the pillow and the door is closed. Good luck. I've not yet found a remedy so I'll be checking back for your answers.
2006-07-24 08:29:43 · answer #2 · answered by ophelia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If all you guys do is fight.... Why in the world did you get married to begin with? No, seriously, think of the reasons why you guys are married. Concentrate on the redeeming qualities. If there's nothing you like about each other, maybe it's time to go your separate ways. Some people are just less affectionate than others, not much you can really do about it, it's not a medical condition. There's nothing wrong with you or him separately, but taken together your needs are not balanced.
2006-07-23 20:41:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought of marriage counseling? Perhaps it is a medical problem and he should get a physical. There is always another side to the story.....perhaps you just turn him off and he is not interested in you. Perhaps he has a girlfriend and does not need you. What you need to do is to stop trying to fix him......YOU need to go to counseling on your own if he will go to marriage counseling. Forget this talking dirty and all that game playing......get to the root cause.
2006-07-23 20:41:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not much to go on here, How is he if you fondle or play with him at night day or what ever. Does he like that? Are you keeping good hygiene? maybe he is seeing someone else. more info would be good. If he wasn't scared before you got married, what happened.
2006-07-23 20:41:48 · answer #5 · answered by kerryjonjon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just got the wrong guy. However if he is not unfaithful, just bear with it. Try to curb your need for intimacy. No one is perfect. YOu are in a lot better situation than a lot of women.
2006-07-23 21:42:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a book...its called "The Five Love Languages"....its by Gary Chapman.....read it.....everyone shows love in different ways....once you know each other's "love language" you can better communicate your love to one another.
2006-07-23 20:38:07 · answer #7 · answered by honey_bear_21_1999 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋