Would you take back an ex-husband?

Question

my ex-husband and I have been talking and he realized the mistake he has made and want us back.
I am not sure how I feel for him. I heard from friends that he is still like the way he use to be. Drinking alot, womanizing.

I don't feel right about all of these but we have a child and feel guilty if I don't give this a try.

Answer 1

A leopard typically doesn't change his spots. Chances are your husband is the same man that you married. You already got through the turmoil of settling a divorce & adjusting to life as a single mother. You have gone through many changes & growth, as pain percipitates that. I think that you would be better off finding a new relationship with someone who would better fit the new parameters you have set for your life & your child. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

I have some advice... Remember why he is your ex! The only thing that you'll end up feeling guilt about is when your child thinks that the way your ex treats you is the way he/she should be treated or treat others. Do you really want that on, not only your, but your child's heart and soul? While it may seem at times easier to have someone to share in the joys of being a part of your child growing, I would suggest finding some one else to share your home and life with. Someone that will treat you and your child right and love both of you. It may seem a little harder but trust me it's worth it!
I was married to a guy for almost 4 years. We have 2 children together. He did drugs on the sly, drank, hurt me from time to time, a complete control freak. I was young and thought that I could make it work for my children. I thought that they deserved to have their mom & dad together even if I had to put up with hell. I was going to give it my all for them. Besides being Roman Catholic, my parents, grand parents (on both sides) and no one in my family had ever been devorced. I left him when my son was 3 and my daughter was1. I was scared to death, but I did it! The man that I am married to now, and I will be celebrating our 6th Anniversary next Saturday. I can't tell you how much it means to have a great male influence for my children, and the love of my life. We have 4 children all together (we have 2 sons, along with my son who is now 11 and daughter who is now 9) We've been together for 8 years and I truely don't know what I would do without him. We, as a family have something special my children (from my previous marriage) really don't remember what life was like before. They call my husband daddy, and he loves them just the same as ours. He goes to baseball games, football games, Tae Kwon Do, surfing contest, school trips, awards, meetings, and plays. I have never kept my ex from seeing our children. He just isn't the type to want to have a lot to do with those kind of things. Unless he thinks that someone is watching and he's trying to make an impression.
My point is that you may feel a little guilty now. But you are doing the right thing. Just stay strong.
Love is out there. You can find someone who will love and cherish you and your child. Good luck and Best Wishes!

Answer 3

Girl leave well enough alone!!! It's over let it stay over. My husband and I have been apart for 11 months and I plan on not going back. He is claiming the same thing as yours but this time after 17 years I'm finally strong enough not to fall for it. God has a blessing out there for you if you don't stop him from giving it to you and it starts with loving yourself, enough not to take crap from him. We have two children and guess what, those are still his children whether we are together or not so don't use the children. If you want to go back and be miserable, don't use the children. State the facts, I am too weak to go on without him and just go back and let him pick up where he left off. Don't you think your child would be happier with two happy parents apart or two fightnign parents together. Think about all you went through, pray and ask God to see you through, and you will, already do know in your heart whether you should go back or not, you don't need us to tell you........... Good luck

Answer 4

If he hasn't changed his ways, then what makes you think that it would work this time? Saying that he knows he made a mistake and showing that he's repairing that mistake are two different things. You need to show your child that you are doing the best for him or her, and if your husband still has the same habits, that's not the best thing for them. Plus, bringing your child into that kind of environment again would cause a lot of confusion.

Make him show you he's changed for good before you even consider it. And do THAT for your child.

Answer 5

Don't go back to him. I stayed in an abusive marriage (verbal, emotional & sexual - it took the physical punch to open my eyes and get me out) because of the kids. My ex is a drinker and supposedly stopped drinking while I had a restraining order on him and while we went thru marriage counseling. We got divorced and I discovered he had continued drinking even when the court order said he was not to drink in the presence of the kids. Don't feel guilty about the child. I have three messed up teenagers because I stayed so long in my relationship.

Answer 6

Well if he has not changed and you like to go back and relive the past go right ahead...You child would be better off with just you than a part time dad that is drunk all the time...I'm sure he did realize he made a mistake most do but so what his tough luck

Answer 7

DANGER DANGER DANGER! Unless your brain damaged think about all the things that led up to the event. KID or no kid that is the most important reason to stay apart. Your children are a reflection of you and your spouse if JR sees Daddy walk over Mom and drinking and fidelity issues are thrown it the mix JR may see something much worse or grow up to be a chip off the old block.... BREAK THE CYCLE, NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE! YOU also made it very obvious to an idiot that you are considering a life long commitment cause of GUILT, R U CRAZY, LOVE IS THE ONLY thing that weathers the storms, one good tropical storm and your **** to bed, again!

Answer 8

No. We can't change who we are. Review why you got divorced. Weigh the pros and cons of getting back together with your ex. Go with him to AA meetings. Pray over it. God bless. You should not feel guilty about the divorce. I'm sure you thought the marriage environment was not a good one for either you or your child. Are you willing to go through all that turmoil again.

Answer 9

X? so ur already divorced? hummmmmm.. well first of all at this point.. you have to ask yourself if you love him still, because if its just for your child then it probably wont work even if u try , because well marriage is to big of a committment to go back into it if you dont love him at all.. there has to be something you can build off of, but if u still have a glimmer of love for him then it would take work from both of u, to make this happen.. Do u rush back into his arms? NO!!! u make him court u like he did when u first met, go on dates, try to rekindle what u once lost, he has to realize that u arent going to settle for 2nd best, that he has to stop the drinking and the womanizing and he has to prove to u he can be what you need him to be for you totally commit back to him.. if he really wants u back, he'll do whatever it takes to get you and his family back.. but if it was just to get a easy booty call from u , he wont even bother to put in the effort.. so dont fall easily into his arms especially not into his bed if u really want him to change.. also dont go back till your sure, because your child has already gone through this once, you shouldnt make your child have to go through this again to painful so u need to be sure that it has atleast a great chance of working out this time around.. good luck..

Answer 10

Hell no leave him alone. Remember you broke up for a reason. He is being nice to draw you in but soon he will go back to his old ways once he feels he has you back. Move on. Don't stay together because of the child. You will be doing your child no favors if they see you upset all of the time. You'll also have to go through another divorce.