After 27 years, my husband came home from work one day and basically said he was tired of his job, tired of living in this town, and tired of me. Is this something that other long-married couples go through? Maybe male menopause? It's making me crazy and I feel like if he leaves my life is pretty much over. I can't start over at 52!
2006-07-23 12:25:19 · 23 answers · asked by baffled 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In a way I know what you mean about starting life over. After 12 yrs. of marriage my husband said our marriage was not working. He said the big "D" word. I said okay. It's not the quantity of time you spend with a person it's the quality. If you had more good years than bad. Ask him. WHAT"S UP? Find the real reason he is so unhappy. Depression is an eternal thing. He might had dreams goals that he wanted to fulfill by this time in his life who knows.You have to talk to him. Look at his actions, men speak with actions. If you want to keep it together. Don't think you can't start over you can. I did.Life is hard with peaks and valleys, but your life wont stop because someone you love walks out. If he really loves you he will talk to you.
2006-07-23 12:45:09 · answer #1 · answered by godisloveperiod 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He might be having a mid life crisis. He sounds like he is at a stage where he is just burned out and tired of everything. Either that or there might be a small chance he may be having an affair. Try to talk to him (calmly and lovingly) and ask him to tell you what is really on his mind and whats causing him to have this sudden change of heart.
Let him know that you love him and if he's tired of where you live and his job you are willing to move and/or support his retirement or starting a new job. The important thing is that he knows you are by his side and that you are willing to help him get through this.
You might also want to get him to take a nice long, relaxing vacation with you. Perhaps just some time away and time to really relax might be whats in order. Try going on a nice 14day cruise - that way you get on the ship and everything is taken care of for you both. Best of luck!
2006-07-23 19:30:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When someone presents a list of things wrong in their life that they just want to get rid of, I liken it lopping branches off a tree. Usually the regrowth is far more vigorous and wild than the original branch, but it represents more problems. your husbands perception of what is making his life miserable is simply the presenting problem, not the root problem.
If he is willing to talk, ask him what makes him sad. Dissatisfaction is just a sign of deeper sadness. Changing the stable things in his life is not going to improve things (well, it might seem that way for a while, but it goes sour) Many of us are so out of touch with our emotions that we don't really accurately interpret our misery.
On the other hand, maybe your lives have become a bit dry and tedious. Have you lost the art of dreaming? Honestly evaluate your contribution to marriage and see if perhaps it's all a bit tired looking. What we become comfortable with we start to take for granted and yes, we get sloppy. Are you giving the relationship 100%? Is he? This is such a complex situation and yet so common. Resist the urge to panic. DO something. Talk, put in some honest evaluation and effort. 27 years is worth fighting for.
2006-07-23 19:39:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A. he seems like he is having a mid-life crises. Let him go he will come back.
B. If he doesn't come back...you totally have your own life your 52 not 82. Go out and be yourself, an individual. You have been married and part of a couple since you were at least 25 who knows how long you dated. Change happens for a reason.
If you do separate you will be fine - and make sure you get your half. You supported him for a long time. You don't have to do anyone's laundry or dishes - ever. If you want to eat birthday cake for dinner....you can!
Good Luck - everything will work out like it is supposed to whether you are with or without your husband.
2006-07-23 19:32:09 · answer #4 · answered by totalstressor 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i think first find out if theres another woman in the background. If yes , and you love him stand up to the competition. If no, tell him after 27 years he owes you a chance to seek couples therapy or . whatever could get you two focusing on what went wrong. Unless he is completely nuts even Men dont make these rash decisions overnight. P.S. your life is not over at 52. Good luck!
2006-07-23 19:39:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh yes u can. n if he wants it to be over then u will have to move on. but u need to find out why he is tried of u. ask him why he is all of a sudden tried of everything( im sure its been comin for awhile n not an all of a sudden thing) but try to talk to him n ask whats up.. if he needs a job change n a move then support him in this maybe a change would do both of u good. if ur in a small town maybe a bigger place would do better if ur in a bigger town then maybe a smalleer layed back town would really do u good. a slower pace of life maybe (or faster ) but im not sure i need more info so ..i been married 13 yrs n we are doin better in a slower paced place then we was in the faster (even tho i hate it here) but we are better off..so i guess ill live. but our relationship is doing good, so talk about it with him n see what he wants to do ask him if he has any ideas on a different job, and if he wants to move, and if he wants u 2 come with him. see what happens
2006-07-23 19:33:06 · answer #6 · answered by devil_queen_biatch14 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you guys should go on a vacation and decide how u can save your marriage. maybe you should move out of town and let your husband find another job that is appeasing to him and he might have different thoughts about you. 27 years is a long time and as the song says, even lovers need a holiday far away from each other. I think everything will work out in your benefit. have faith.
2006-07-23 19:33:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes the hell you can sister girl if he leaves your just being your life life isn't over at 52 all the things you really wanted to do and couldn't do because of marriage now you have your chance no more cooking for him cleaning up after him catering to his every need you can relax for once and just concentrate on you don't let this get you down i don't know what the reason behind him doing and acting like this but you have to be strong and keep going live your life to the fullest everyday the man upstairs or whoever you worship gives you another day embrace it and be thankful
2006-07-23 19:32:47 · answer #8 · answered by teresa d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard pill to swallow. I know exactly how you feel. It is possible he is going through a stage. Hopefully he will bounce back and the situation stabilizes. Try and talk with him and see if he can communicate how or what he is feeling. Take him out to diner for the talk if you can. A different and relaxing atmosphere may help.
If he is determined to leave you...I know...it will be very hard for you. If he dose though...sit yourself down, dig in...and start making plans for how you will survive. You must give yourself a chance should it happens.
You can't just lay down and die. You must survive at all cost. You may be surprised at what you can do. Who knows...it may even be a blessing in disguise.
2006-07-23 19:40:54 · answer #9 · answered by Robere 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to bring the romance back to your marriage. Romance, in my opinion, is stressing and becoming hyper-aware of the differences between the masculine and the feminine. Read "Fascinating Womanhood" and "The Surrendered Wife". If you are a Christian, read "The Excellent Wife", "The Politically Incorrect Wife", and "Me? Obey Him?" Check out my 360 blog for another solution that put the spark back into my marriage, Domestic Discipline.
2006-07-23 19:32:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋