My husband and I have recently divorced. I found out he was having an affair and kicked him out of the house. I filed for divorce immediately. Because he was willing to admit to the adultery the divorce was final in three months. Four weeks after we separated he came to me and said he made a mistake and wanted to give our marriage another try. I was too hurt to consider it. Our marriage was not perfect but I never thought he would have an affair. I told him our marriage was over but I had not given up on us completely. I told him we both needed time and if we were to find each other again I wanted it to be for the right reasons. Two weeks after that he seemed to change his mind. Then he called me three weeks ago and asked me to try again. I agreed and we spent some time together - it went well. But then I felt him pulling away again and when I asked him if he still wanted to try again he was not sure again! What do I do? I believe we can be happy but he keeps changing his mind?
2006-07-23 12:19:05 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
im guessing when you said you spent time together you mean intimant time. you had sex. when you two are trying to figure this out you need to cut all ties to sexual relations with this man becuase if he can he will have his cake and eat it to if he can all the while your esteem is on a rolercoaster. just back off and tell him no commitments if he wants to date around to go for it but be very clear you will as well and if mr right shows up and sweeps you away before he gets his act together and proves to you he really loves you and really wants you then he lost. him and his indecision is a power play and a way to control.and your the door mat when he is feeling unloved and low. no matter what for you to regain controll you have to nix sex with your ex good luck your gonna need it
2006-07-23 12:32:26 · answer #1 · answered by joe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move on! It sounds as though there's another woman involved because he keeps changing his mind. It could be that he is trying to keep you on the side. When things are good with his "other life" he pulls away from you, when they are bad, he wants to be with you. This is a bad pattern and you should call it quits now.
If he is serious about getting back together, seek marriage counseling. Find out what made him cheat on you in the first place and work from there.
2006-07-23 22:53:13 · answer #2 · answered by torn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is playing head games, maybe not intentionally, but he is tormenting you nevertheless. He is insisting that you put your life on hold and not pursue any kind of happiness outside of him while he experiments with all of his own needs and wishes. Could his desire to get back together coincide with his lonely times and his uncertainty and distance coincide with one-night stands or even potential romances? How can you feel good about yourself if you constantly have to question whether you're good enough or satisfying to him? Let it be a clean break. You will find someone who wants you wholeheartedly, without refrain and you will feel glorious about yourself and the new relationship.
2006-07-24 08:49:07 · answer #3 · answered by ophelia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a very strong person. Make him work for this relationship this time. Are you sure the other woman is out of the picture? It sounds like to me he only wants to work it out when nothing else is going on with him? and I speak from experience, are you sure you are over the anger from what happened? will you ever REALLY be able to trust him again? this argument will come up again, again and again. So decide what YOU want this time, don't let him dictate when or if it works out!
2006-07-23 19:29:45 · answer #4 · answered by me :) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he won't make up his freakin mind and it's gonna drive you crazy. Let his actions show you how he feels cause he's obviously not able to tell you.
Make up your mind, as to how you feel and what you want to do regardless of what happens.
Let him deal with the consiquenses. That's what he did when he stepped out, by making a decision that would effect your life, without consulting you, until after the fact.
2006-07-23 19:27:30 · answer #5 · answered by Kari W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
make up his mind for him. tell him to get lost because there are other men out there who would be happy to have a faithful woman. he just wants to have his cake and eat it as well. when ever he do sent have a new woman he comes running back to good old reliable you. forget him and move on . find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
2006-07-23 20:00:17 · answer #6 · answered by kimber1731 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A couple of things to think about. First, real remorse would be necessary for getting back together and then he must EARN his way back into your heart. Pulling away and coming back doesn't help. Have you suggested (require) he see a counselor?
2006-07-23 19:34:12 · answer #7 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I would move on as he is probably still cheating on you. This see saw situation is not good for you. Find someone who wants to start a life with you and forget about him. I didn't say it would be easy, but then it's not easy for you now.
2006-07-23 19:31:06 · answer #8 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it was me i would not get back he did it once he will do it again
2006-07-23 19:31:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes
2006-07-23 19:24:16 · answer #10 · answered by william r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋