I'm 24 and a virgin, I have a really bad fear of penetration, whether by fingers or a penis. I can use tampons, but I can't put my own fingers inside or use a vibrator.
I don't know why, but just the thought makes me totally panic. A few guys have tried to touch me down there, but I get scared they'll try to put their fingers inside and I just freak out and start crying.
How can I get over this? It really frustrates me, because on one occasion in particular I wanted to let things go further, but when he touched me I got really scared and started crying and messed everything up.
I've never been sexually assaulted by the way, even though it sounds like I might have been, I haven't.
2006-07-23 12:17:26 · 21 answers · asked by Jen 5 in Health ➔ Women's Health
It's not that I tighten up....although I probably do, it's in my mind, I push them away before they even try.
2006-07-23 12:23:07 · update #1
And no, I'm not a closet lesbian. I'm attracted to guys, not girls. And I'm embarrassed to talk to the doctor or to my friends about it, which is why I'm asking on here, because I don't know who else to ask.
2006-07-23 12:24:20 · update #2
I think somewhere along the line you've managed to convince yourself that having something inside you is going to hurt - and you need to slowly prove to yourself that it won't.
Without being too graphic, you need to do this by yourself. Totally private - no one around. Have a glass of wine or whatever, nice music, candles etc. - get totally relaxed - and then start experimenting with your fingers. After a while (after a few weeks if necessary) move on to a vibrator.
Keep telling yourself that whatever you do, you can't cause yourself any harm.
If none of this works, then I'd suggest seeing a doctor (embarrassing as that may be). He can refer you for some sort of therapy.
It would be such a shame if you couldn't get over this - you're missing out on something wonderful.
Good luck.
2006-07-23 18:00:50 · answer #1 · answered by Hello Dave 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You would probably benefit from some counselling, ask your doctor.
If you dont feel that you can do this then you need to tell your boyfriend before it gets to that stage. You need to be able to trust him completely so that you know he will stop as soon as you ask him to.
Sexual arousal should lead to an increase in lubrication and relaxation of the muscles around your vagina. Alcohol ( a little ) may help you to relax. If you can trust the man you are with this will also help you to relax.
Easier said than done I hear you thinking so pluck up the courage and speak to your doctor or go to a hypnotherapist.
If you are scared you will be tight and very sensitive
2006-07-23 19:24:43 · answer #2 · answered by cate 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you think you will find the answer on the computer? You are normal and many girls go through this but don't blame just practise. Start with a small dildo or finger and the more you play the more you will like it. The boy thing well we boys know only to get it in so choose the right boy i.e. gentle and kind and one who would understand.
Hope this helps good luck?
2006-07-23 19:31:51 · answer #3 · answered by Tony Hi_teck 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to see a psychologist or counsellor to sort out why this scares you so much once you know the cause of this fear you will be able to overcome it.
It may be that you have not tried with the right type of men, the right man will be willing to wait until you are ready and be gentle, slow & loving.
Don't rush it, get a decent loving respectful relationship first then you can both work through it together
2006-07-23 19:24:05 · answer #4 · answered by madamspud169 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not as uncommon as you might think. You really do need to do something about this as losing out of a realy fun and fufilling part of being alive.
Sex is a lot of fun and being physically bonded to someone you truely love is one of the true miracles in this world.
You basically have three options:
1- admit to yourself that fear rules your life and you will never get this sorted out and just accept the whole thing as being a fact of you life.
2- overcome embarassment and go to a therapist and get the help you need.
3- force yourself to get over your fear. I managed to overcome alcoholism, self harm disorder, lose 5 stones of weight, and reduce my severe OCD just by forcing myself to actually do something no matter how uncomfortable and afraid I became. Go out get some wine, some sexy things like porno or whatever and force yourself to get your fingers in there - it may be scarey and you may cry but you can do it and you are brave enough to do it if you want to be.
Good luck with this - you can do it!
2006-07-24 07:17:29 · answer #5 · answered by monkeymanelvis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its called vaginismus, and I suffer from it as well (I'm in my 30s, still a virgin). I can't even insert a tampon because of my fear of penetration. It took me a few tries to even get through entire Pap smear/gyn exam! The doctor told me to get what are called "dilators", medical-grade plastic things that range in size from very small to large. To get over the fear, he said to start with the smallest size (smaller than a tampon), and once you get used to that, go up in size. I haven't taken his advice, though, and my mom thinks my problem is why I haven't had a boyfriend in a while. You really need to take time out and schedule practice with yourself to get over it. I think I will start taking my own advice!
2006-07-23 20:35:10 · answer #6 · answered by abcsand123s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you really need to stop thinking about it to much as thats one of the most reasons you are doing this,sex is there to enjoy not to be afraid of,if for any reason you cannot over come it,you should go and see your doctor as they can give you some type of counselling were you will practice relaxation techniques as embarrasing as it may seem its not that big of a deal,dont think you are the only person who this is happening to as it does to alot of women,like i said sex is there to enjoy and one day hope you meet that someone special who you can share this with,good luck!
2006-07-23 19:40:15 · answer #7 · answered by cuteebony29 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try spiritual healing like reiki, problem may be situated very deep, in your previous life or even even your ancestors.Meanwhile if its not happening dont push urself and just leave it till you find a man who want more than just penetration
2006-07-23 21:37:23 · answer #8 · answered by Tom Cruise 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to try to enjoy your self instead of putting a finger in rub around the area make sure your by yourself you will no when time plus with the man make sure been with him for a while tell him how you feel start with rubbing his willy on it it could take time but you can do it girl
2006-07-24 17:32:30 · answer #9 · answered by munchie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's all psychological. You have to make the decisionfor yourself. Yeah, it stings and sometimes even bleeds a little bit, but if you can't handle that, you better never get pregnant! Good Luck
2006-07-23 19:45:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋