Do you think my husband is controlling?

Question

My husband always knew that I wanted to start my own business one day from day one. For years I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do. It took me a while to find a career that I loved and then I was SAHM for 2 years. I know what I want to do now and I picked up a book on writing a business plan. He saw it and asked me why I wasted my $. He's one of those people that no matter how much you change he will keep judging you by some past behavior.

I brought up the idea of moving to GA a few months ago. His father the in GA and recently tried to reconnect with him. I didn't want to move there to be close to his dad, but to take advantage of the much lower cost of living. He seemed onboard with the idea at first and then lost interest. I asked him why and he said that staying where we are is best of our family. I asked for specifics and he couldn't give me any and he said he wants to be close to our family where we live.

I know deep down that my marriage is close to an end...:(

The marriage is ending for other reasons as well. I just couldn't fit it everything in to the details section. We have been growing apart for some time and we want different things out of life. Unfortunately we usually end up doing what HE thinks is best.

BTW - We tried counseling and we ended up going to the sessions separately. My counselor basically told me that I should say b/c he is a good provider and that his income will grow and that mind will stay the same. WTF I work in HR where there are great opportunities for growth. The business that I am interested in pursuing is in the HR field. Anyway, couseling was a last ditch effort that didn't work for us. I think my husband can see that I am sort of disconnected, feed up and disappointed so he is much nicer to be than he has been for the past few months. He even talks about OUR future now which make me cringe. I suppose he can seeing that things are the way he wants them to be.

I meant to say... I suppose he can be nice seeing that things are the way he wants them to be.

Answer 1

I know exactly how you feel.
You are growing and leaving him behind. Change is hard. He is probably really afraid of losing you.
Hopefully you can go to counseling and work things out for the kids. I wish you luck. Been there.

Answer 2

I don't know about controlling but it sounds as if the both of you aren't on the same page with want you want out of life. Maybe he is scared of change and that is what is holding him back. You sound unhappy and that is what you need to work on right now. Find out why exactly why your unhappy and is it in the marriage or just life in general. You need to do what is best for you but also the whole family if your marriage is going to work. I see nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself with starting your own business. Maybe a talk when both are not stressed just to find out what is wrong with him.

Answer 3

He sounds discouraging and passive-aggressive to me. Some partners have to put down everything the other does, so they can feel better. He may be like that.
Disagreements happen. You two are overdue for a serious discussion about what you both expect out of your marriage and out of life. You may need a neutral 3rd party to mediate, like a counselor. And I am sorry to say, but a husband 'knowing' something and 'agreeing and supporting' that something are two entirely different matters!

Answer 4

ok im an ***, you have changed your mind on what you want or rather where you want to live and he is suppose to be onboard and give up the security of family being close by so your threatening in your question that your about to trash the marriage over that ??? sounds lie your controlling. maybe your husband cant argue his point very well but family is important to have around more so then uprooting and moving to a state where a man he doesnt know very well is.... and as far as a business your thinking of throwing away your marriage? and you want to commit to a business when you swore till death do you part to a man in front of god and family..... not to mention your about to take your lil children and destroy their life becuase of your being selfish? starting a business is great but its a two person decision while married. i wanted to aswell but my wife isnt on board so im giving up till my kids are grown and the venture doesnt effect as many people in my house. focus in on your family and i think your husband wont look as controlling as you say he is.. btw your arguement doesnt even look like he is controlling he just doesnt like making rash decisions....

Answer 5

Why do you think your marriage is close to an end? Because you have disagreements? Everyone does! It doesn't sound like he is controlling to me. It just sounds like you want people to tell you that you are right. Understand that men are the head of house for a reason. Their brains are usually more logical than women's. Just relax, calmly discuss your feelings and thoughts with him and be patient. Listen to his concerns too. :)

Answer 6

It amazes me what people will consider ending their marriage over, especially when there are kids involved. Don't fool yourself. I did everything I could to save my previous marriage and couldn't. We did everything right. We didn't fight. We shared the kids. We did divorce well. But guess what? My kids are scarred. They still struggle with it fifteen years later. It will affect them their entire lives just because my ex-husband was selfish and unwilling to follow through with his commitments.

Answer 7

I don't know that I would call that stuff controlling but I would definitely say you two have some issues that don't make the future look all that bright.

Answer 8

awww- I hope for your sake that things work out. Sounds like he has some issues to deal with before you can make progress with your marriage.

Good luck!