We broke up a month ago and I invited him to all the Dr. visits anyway. He never showed up. I let it go because he didn't have a way to get there. We were trying to resolve our problems and get back together when we had a big fight yesterday. He really scared me this time and now he is demanding that I tell him when and where the Dr. appt is tomorrow. I don't feel comfortable having him around after the words he said to me, but at the same time I dont want to deprive my child of it's father. Any advice?
2006-07-23 11:09:37 · 18 answers · asked by lost_7love 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I'm 23 and he's 30 with 2 previous children. It's not like we're children here. I'm only worried about having a serene environment for my baby. I do not want to keep him from being this baby's father, but I will also not stand for being verbally abused.
2006-07-23 11:20:27 · update #1
Okay, just for clairification: I am not considering adoption. I am an adult, college graduate with an excellent job that gives me maternity leave. I own my home and have a very supportive family. My question is not about whether or not I am ready to take care of a baby, it is if I should be willing to give this man another chance after he has blown so many...for the sake of my child having a father.
2006-07-23 11:28:11 · update #2
ditch him
there is no reason for a unborn child to deal with the stress he is putting you through. now or even after he/she is born. keep the door open but never ever ever let him stress you out because it will cause your baby to feel stressed as well and is not healthy for your pregnancy.
if you need to talk e-mail me ok?
sarahull2003@yahoo.com
2006-07-23 11:26:55 · answer #1 · answered by blue_eyed_woman_23 3 · 22⤊ 1⤋
tell him when and where it is. If he's willing to step up and be a Real man and help take care of his child then let him. It will make life much easier on you if he's a good father. I don't know how old this guy is, but if he's young, he's probably scared, nearly as much so as you probably are. His life is going to change Nearly as much as yours will. He may not want to be there for all the dr's appointments, and shouldn't need to be. His real duties begin when the baby is born, and from what I've been told the first time he holds his baby will change his life forever. That's when you'll see his true character.
2006-07-23 11:17:12 · answer #2 · answered by Mickey L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really feel unsafe then the decision is made for you. Have you looked into a restraining order? Your responsibility is now not to the father or your relationship but to this new life you have decided to bring into the world. One bit of advise though think long and hard about what you are going to do after the baby gets here, in most states the unwed father has the same rights as the unwed mother. I think some counseling is in order, couples counseling, but more importantly individual counseling for each of you. E-mail me if you like we just went through a similar situation with our new grandson. Good Luck honey I hope all turns out for you.
2006-07-23 11:18:18 · answer #3 · answered by G-Mommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did he threaten your life or threaten to harm you or the unborn child??? If so, do not tell him where or when you are going to the appointment. I remember a few years ago this teen pregnant girl that lived a town over from me..agreed to meet her baby's father at a park in the town where they live..it turned out that he only wanted to meet her because he planned to kill her....and he did. He shot her in the head and then ran off. They finally captured him and proved that he did it after a year or so in court battles. Some young guys get totally freaked out at the thought of becoming a father....they think their life is over. Maybe you should avoid him for awhile and see what happens. Don't say anything to tick him off either. Just be nice and don't argue with him. Live your life and stay healthy for your baby. Remember that stress can cause a miscarriage. Also, even if it doesn't work out between you two...you will not be alone. I've known tons of single pregnant girls who have found guys that really appreciate them and treat them right and they got married. Don't stay with a loser just because you are afraid of your baby not having a father...do you really want your baby to have such an unstable father?
2006-07-23 11:18:16 · answer #4 · answered by S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't feel comfortable having him there, then don't let him be there. He probably wont show up anyways, being he missed all the other ones. Do what you feel is the right thing. If you feel like he may harm you and the baby , then stay away from him. When the baby is born then decide how you are gonna go about visitation. But as of right now protect yourself and your unborn child from any harm. And even stress.
Good Luck with everything, and God Bless !!!!!
2006-07-23 11:21:52 · answer #5 · answered by country girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These are your dr appointments had he been so concerned he would have made an effort to be there the first visit. I would just leave him alone. You said he has no way there. You make it there as it is of utmost importance to you. He needs to get his head on straight before he is ready to be a father. I wouldn't consider it depriving my child of a father your just need to give him time to grow up and learn how to be a good father. If he scared you imagine what he would do to a newborn baby?
2006-07-23 11:14:33 · answer #6 · answered by *bossy* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, although I feel for you and are sorry you are going through these problems. How old are you?
Have you thought about telling your boyfriend you are considering putting the baby up for adoption... (Whether you are or you aren't, You should consider it.)
Being a single Mom or a single Dad raising a family is not easy. In fact, it is EXTREMELY difficult. (Ask any single parent you know...)
Depending on your age, it could among the best, most important choices you ever make in your lifetime.
Plus, you will be making another couple who is ready to be parents, yet for some odd reason can NOT conceive, happy as can be. Look for the right family and do yourself, and them, a favor.
2006-07-23 11:23:14 · answer #7 · answered by sandblast_dude 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wants to come to OB visits with you, I'd let him. I'd also ask him to go to therepy with you as well. Even if your relationship doesn't work out, you'll be parents together for the next 18 years!!! You have to be able to communicate, and see eye to eye on a few things at least.
Now, if his words were threatening, and you are afraid, that is a different story. I'd find someone you trust to talk too.
Good luck!!
2006-07-23 11:17:31 · answer #8 · answered by meflute 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a similar situation... I understand that you don't want to deprive your baby a father, however, you need to be comfortable for you and your baby.. Think of your health and the baby's health... Just remember, your baby feels all the stress you go through... I hope this helps
2006-07-23 11:15:47 · answer #9 · answered by littlebit188 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't have to go to any of the appointments you can keep him posted as to what the Dr says.Especially if he's being really Rude to You.Tell him how he makes you feel & tell him you don't like his actions to either smarten up or find someone else Pronto..Let him be in the Delivery Room that's if he can find a ride lol.Good Luck
2006-07-23 11:15:28 · answer #10 · answered by sugarbdp1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's proably just upset a baby makes you really think about your life if hes threating you dont invite him anywhere he doesnt need to be threating you cause if hes threating you hes also threating the life of your unborn baby maybe we can sit down and talk and be more mature then saying hurtful things and earn his way back into the doctor office cause hes had more the one opputinity to go
2006-07-23 11:20:48 · answer #11 · answered by cutenwild1769 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋