My friend who is married now for 7 years but who is secretly seeing a guy she works with is ready to leave her husband for this man.
I met this guy and I know that he is not a very nice person he is very immature and besides that he also is a cheat because he is seeing a woman who he just proposed marriage to.
My friend tries to validate this by telling me she is not happy in her marriage (although her husband is a pretty good guy) and that she has fallen out of love with her husband and is in love with this other man and wants to take the relationship to the next level.
Whenever I try to talk to her and to make her see that she is endangering her marriage and making a mistake she gets angry with me. This is putting a real strain on our friendship because I don't agree with what she is doing I think it is deceptive and wrong. At this point I am so worn out emotionally that I am ready to end the friendship. Is it time to throw in the towel?
2006-07-23 10:38:16 · 13 answers · asked by Footballguru71872 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tough question. Im an odd thinker obviously...but here goes...
I believe that I would have to respect my friends in order for them to be my friends. If I were to lose my respect for them..then I would have to lose the friendship. If they were doing something immoral I could not be around them.
That being said..I am also a big believer in you are who you accosicate with..so dont be surprised if her relationship comes back to bit you in the rear! Even if only by rumor or association.
I do believe that youc an tell her how you feel and state your "case" and explain that you cannot in good concious associate with someone who chooses to live a life as she is choosing. Tell her that your door will always be open to her should she see the err in her ways because you love her so deeply but because you love her so deeply you cant bare to watch her make such a life altering mistake as she is. Then distance yourself from her. Dont be surprised if she "wakes up" pretty fast.
Best wishes!!!
2006-07-23 16:35:35 · answer #1 · answered by AccountableLady 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oooo, that's a tough one. sometimes we hold onto friendships because they're there even though they don't really serve a purpose anymore. perhaps it's time to move on and enjoy other friends who share the same morals that you do. you know for a fact this new relationship she has will not work, are you prepared to sit around and be a dumping ground every flippin' time she "needs you" - that one way street gets tired quickly. in the last two years i've cleaned house and gotten rid of a 25 yr friendship, 17 yr friendship and an 8 yr friendship. it was tough. but i feel free and better about my who i am as a person. you're not being true to yourself or the friendship if you don't do something drastic. good luck with it all.
2006-07-23 11:06:08 · answer #2 · answered by Not Mary 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time to mind your own business. Tell her this: whenever you discuss this relationship, it makes me feel very uneasy. I'm caught between my love for you and my personal ethics and morals. Please don't get me involved in this anymore. I still love you as a friend and you know how I feel about the whole thing.
Then it's all out in the open. I tell you, I had a similar experience and it really killed me to see my friend making what I thought was a huge mistake. I had to get to the point of asking myself; do I love her enough to accept her actions? Or do I have to be right and let go of her friendship that I would miss so much? Well, in the end, I tried to accept her relationship. She's still with the jerk; but I bite my tongue and focus on her and how much I care for her. I tolerate him. Just keep your opinions to yourself at this point if you want to save your friendship.
2006-07-23 10:45:25 · answer #3 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Technically, it's none of your business. The most you can do as a friend is to tell her what she needs to hear and try to help her make the right decision. If she doesn't, then tell her that you don't want to hear about it.
Personally, I think ending the friendship is harsh. She is doing nothing to you. A good friend will tell their friends what they don't want to hear, but still stick around when they fall on their face.
2006-07-23 10:45:42 · answer #4 · answered by Melissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I can tell you is to let her be and she will see for herself that the grass isn't greener on the other side.Sometimes women like to say that they are not happy to justify what they are doing but she's only hurting herself.Don't stop being her friend because she will need you when it's all said and done.And remember don't tell her I told you so,she's not going to want to hear that but just be there as a friend.It's obvious she has her mind made up.
2006-07-23 10:45:00 · answer #5 · answered by dccuttie75 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a friend who thought about doing this. I just sat back and allowed her to talk and I listened to her. I didn't comment unless she asked me for my advice and I gently remided her that she did ask and to please not get upset with what I'm about to say. In the end she realized what she was about to do was wrong and she is still happily married to her husband. Don't throw in the towl just yet she is going to need you when she has nothing at all. Good Luck
2006-07-23 11:01:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to hear you're caught in the middle, lil sister! It's hard to be a good friend to someone you may not understand right now - sounds like she may not understand herself right now either!!
But where I come from, friends are family - so I wouldn't throw in the towel - but you need to get her to hear you - tell her how you feel about her and what she's doing and how it's draining you emotionally.
Hopefully you guys can work it out!!
Good Luck!
Aloha!
2006-07-23 10:45:50 · answer #7 · answered by gabriel_demus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are such a good friend than you should support her and try to help her out the best you can, not run away because things in her life are going the way you want them to.
2006-07-23 12:15:57 · answer #8 · answered by sweetie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you will be there for her if need be; then, for your own peace of mind, put a bit of distance between you and your friend, until she comes to realize what a mistake she is making.
2006-07-23 10:45:20 · answer #9 · answered by JEFFAVEGRL 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
good you are not a good friend..to let the friendship for that??you are sick girl!!did you think that you can be very helpful now for her? be with her...try to make her that she is wrong...but you can not go to do things for her...
2006-07-23 10:48:07 · answer #10 · answered by sweet_angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋