He calls me all sorts of names and curses me, just because there is a wrinkle in his shirt or he can't find his socks, or his food isn't spicy enough. Any time I have an epileptic seizure, he blames me and ignores my physical needs. I have twin girls and I am afraid I have nowhere to go...he doesn't let me buy clothes without his permission because he says I don't work for the money (he makes over $100 grand a year and we have a nice house). He says I am faking my illness...I don't often drive a car because I am a nervous driver..he forced me to get a license. I'm scared...so scared I don't know what to do or where to go. I don't want to tell my friends because they like him, and I told them all that he would never hurt me. I had to put on a different face for everyone. He beats me occasionally. I can't believe it but I still love him so much. When he's nice, he gives me the world. It's very tough to leave....rumors would fly around his family in India and THAT is embarrassing. HELP...
2006-07-23 09:23:27 · 33 answers · asked by BhindiBhajiMasalaKakar 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sweetie, no wife beating is not common in mixed marriages. However, you have married someone from a culture where this behaviour is probably considered acceptable. So you need to let him understand that you won't tolerate it. If it keeps up then just leave.
2006-07-23 09:27:15 · answer #1 · answered by Andreana 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm concerned about your seizures. Were you diagnosed with epilepsy? Do you take medication regularly for the seizures? Your emotional health could be subconsciously causing the seizures. Either way, you should not be driving at all. A neuro doctor will not let you drive for six months after a seizure. You have a choice about your living situation....either go or stay. Keep in mind that your daily married life is setting an example for your girls. If they grow up with you in this setting, they will one day seek the same type of man you are married to.
2006-07-23 10:05:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont know if it's common in mixed marriages but I can tell ya that Im going through just about the same thing. had a friend open my eyes cause i went through it for so long i didn't realize what life was like before hand. now i do. Im still afraid but know theres life outside of hell. starting a bank account and is putting some money aside to leave. Using a po box so bank statements doesnt come to the home. good luck and if u need 2 talk. email me
2006-07-23 12:21:44 · answer #3 · answered by furbee_4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, you don't live in India, who gives a FU # K
what they think. Divorce his a $ $!!! Don't let the twins go with him unsupervised because he is a flight risk. It isn't mixed race marriages that have beatings, it's where it is culturally accepted and expected where it occurs. An epileptic is not legally allowed to drive. You know that. Run to a battered women's shelter and hire an attorney fast, you get half no matter what HE might tell you. Be careful.
2006-07-23 09:51:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, who gives a rats a$$ if rumors would fly around his family in India. Get away from him asap, he will not change, he is a control freak. Get those girls and go to a shelter for battered and abused women they will hide you out somewhere so he cannot find you and hurt you or those girls. Those children's safety should be the first and foremost thing on your mind and not him and his family's embarrassment. Good Luck to you and I pray next time he beats you that he doesn't kill you.
2006-07-23 10:15:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are a "CO-DEPENDENT ENABLER" leave him now and respect yourself.
Why do we become codependent? What causes it?
It’s widely believed we become codependent through living in systems (families) with rules that hinder development to some degree. The system (usually parents and relatives) has been developed in response to some problem such as alcoholism, mental illness or some other SECRET or PROBLEM.
General rules set-up within families that may cause codependency may include:
* It’s not okay to talk about problems
* Feelings should not be expressed openly; keep feelings to yourself
* Communication is best if indirect; one person acts as messenger between two others; known in therapy as triangulation
* Be strong, good, right, perfect
* Make us proud beyond realistic expectations
* Don’t be selfish
* Do as I say not as I do
* It’s not okay to play or be playful
* Don’t rock the boat.
Many families have one or more of these rules in place within the family. These kinds of rules can constrict and strain the free and healthy development of people’s self-esteem, and coping. As a result, children can develop non-helpful behavior characteristics, problems solving techniques, and reactions to situations in adult life
2006-07-23 09:44:55 · answer #6 · answered by Tank Stillton 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any kind of abuse is totally unacceptable.Especially if ure married, ure supposed to respect and love each other, and be attentive to each other's emotional and physical needs. The reason for his cruelty has nothing to do with the fact that ures is a mixed marriage. Im from Asia, so is my husband, and most men are kind and considerate.
You need to stand up for yourself. Try to talk to him about this problem, try to work things out. But if it comes to the worse, you have to make a decision. The money he earns, belongs to both of you :you are partners in the marriage, and you take care of the house and kids. So you are entitled to the money as much as he is.
Be strong and Good Luck.
2006-07-23 09:33:39 · answer #7 · answered by RedLamaya 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Chica, the first thing you need to do, is get off your computer, pack your sh.t, take your 2 girls, then get the hell out of dodge!!
Do you want your girls growing up, thinking a "normal" relationship is where a husband beats up on a wife and as long as she loves him, it's okay???? If someone answered your original question with "yes, wife beating is common in mixed marriages" would you stay?? You know the bloody answer to your question, now shift your reluctant backside and leave him. If not for yourself for your daughters.
2006-07-23 09:50:42 · answer #8 · answered by Me 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have never known it to be acceptable to be abusive to a woman lady the mother of your children or just another person on this earth. if it was my son i would be embarrassed then kick his ***. oh did i forget to mention that i remarried a person from Pakistan that has two grown children 1boy 1girl girl great boy gross all screwed up treated live-in girlfriend same as you must be something in their culture Mother takes up for him i will not i tell him and stepped in and got her away from him.i have learned from their culture that you can have as many wives as you can afford, they are screwed up about money and how much can you take? I love the B.R.I.D.G.E. for battered women legal aid many programs like 911 police family if you mess with my kids don't lock them up cause that's so that i can get to them.think of it like this would you let someone hurt your children and by the way there are many kinds off abuse. singed very upset father
2006-07-23 09:45:47 · answer #9 · answered by m.w.meredith@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"He beats me occasionally. I can't believe it but I still love him so much. When he's nice, he gives me the world. "
You're in a classic abusive relationship. It will only get worse. You need to realize that there is NO excuse for this and you should get out while you can.
2006-07-23 09:30:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋